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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Mumsnet made me do it?

59 replies

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/05/2012 16:19

I went to Sainsburys today (actually I think MN probably made me do that as well).

I was waiting at customer services to take make their stupid faux crocs (they only lasted one wear - just incase Mr Sainsbury is googling).

There was a mum with a toddler at the front of the queue with lots of shopping. I dont know why because you dont usually see a ton of stuff going through the tills at customer services. But anyway she had a fractious toddler with her who had a packet of sweets in his hand.

A couple of times she tried to take it off him but he set up a fussin' and a wailing so she just gave up and concentrated on getting all the shopping packed and sorted.

There was a woman in front of me who just started yapping on really loudly along the lines of 'OFGS! look at that! Just ignore him, take the sweets off him. I mean WHO is in charge!' She wasnt talking to the mum (oh no) she was talking to the air and then trying to get the others in the queue involved. A few others were making vaguely agreeing noises.

Again with the 'thats the problem isnt it? People just dont tell their kids now! FGS stop giving in to him!'
She turned round to me (she DID turn round, I am not just saying that) and (this is the mumsnet bit) I said
'I think it is really rude to comment on someone's parenting when they are standing in front of you like that' in a firm voice (eep).
She said 'I dont think she can here me'
So I said 'I dont care, its rude, dont do it'

I didnt shout or swear or nuffin!

I firmly believe I was channeling the might of MN in that moment in an East London supermarket.

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 31/05/2012 16:43

I think actually love you MrsDGrin

PandaWatch · 31/05/2012 16:46

But it's the idea of rows upon rows of them that I find so appealing Grin

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/05/2012 16:47

You wait. There will be an 'aibu to be furious with this rude woman who upset my mother in Sainsburys today? She was only trying to help a mum with a toddler and she just barged in and told her to shut her stinking yap'

For the record - I am horribly strict with my DCs about this sort of thing and will happily ignore them screaming their heads off in a similar situation.

S'not the point though is it?

OP posts:
RabidAnchovy · 31/05/2012 16:50

Thanks hero of the day Smile

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 16:50

No it's not, and I do admire your assertive stance.

akaemmafrost · 31/05/2012 16:51

Well done! Cannot stand interfering busybodies like that.

Remember being on a bus in Spain once, loads of English people on there though and dd was being her usual high maintenance self but to be fair she was only one years old and it was very hot and uncomfortable on the bus. A middle aged woman started telling me to "sort her out, for goodness sake DO SOMETHING!!" Looking round at everyone at the same time trying to get them on board. I would have cried if I said anything, I was that stressed. Anyway ex H, dd's Dad was sat opposite and asked me what was up? He hadn't heard this woman so I told him and he looked directly at her and said very loudly and firmly but very politely "Mind Your Own Business", everytime she opened her mouth he said it again "Mind Your Own Business" just slightly louder each time Grin She got off the bus in the end and he was calling "Mind Your Own Business" after her even as she got off the bus chuntering. He was a real pig to be married to but I always laugh and feel very warm towards him when I think of that.

MistyRocks · 31/05/2012 16:54

good on you!!

i was in sainsbury's today too. and i was the Blush ing mum of a tantruming toddler...

i was also in a Very Bad Mood so god help anyone who had said anything to / about me!

callaird · 31/05/2012 16:55

I was in Sainsburys yesterday, went through the basket checkout with a trolley, tut tut, I had already put my six items on the conveyor belt when an older lady said "that's a funny looking basket" to the man behind me, but loud enough for me to hear. I, calmly and politely said that I was sorry, but I had forgotten the pushchair and couldn't carry one year old, nappy bag and a basket which had two cartons of formula, 3 large bottles of washing up liquid and a packet of cereal bars, so not light, around the supermarket.

She went all quiet and hid behind the very friendly gentleman behind me, whilst I was paying, he began chatting to her and she said that she was having a bad day and didn't need stroppy bitches having a go at her when she wasn't even talking to them!

I turned back to her and said, "if you don't want people to reply when you are judging them, speak more quietly in future", she promptly burst into tears, so although I said nothing more, I spent the rest of the day feeling guilty!

puds11 · 31/05/2012 16:55

Good for you! People like that forget that kids are a handful and that one thing in a queue is not representative of her parenting abilities as a whole!
You did a good thing!

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 16:55

MN has made me more assertive too.

The other day I asked a man what he was doing - he was about to vandalise a car and I had turned back to look at him. He came towards me and I kept a good distance between us, all the time saying loudly and firmly "Go away or I will call the police", over and over again., waving my phone around like a loon. It worked

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 16:58

callaird - passive aggressive types do often over-react like that when challenged on it. I can understand you feeling guilty - she was elderly, and I know a fair few people who were not brought up to be assertive and can only do it indirectly. It's sad for them really, but it doesn't mean you were in the wrong. She might think again next time

HerHissyness · 31/05/2012 17:00

www.domesticsluttery.com/2012/05/bunting-gone-bad.html

Just saying.... Grin

PandaWatch · 31/05/2012 17:02
Shock

I wish I were brave enough. At least I now have a new swear - fucksticks Grin

Indith · 31/05/2012 17:07

I was once dragging dd round Sainsbury as she screamed her head off and a bloke said "can't you sort that fucking child out?" I really wish I had been more assertive that day and pointed out that the screaming was because I had sorted the child out by making her walk with me rather than her preferred option of running up and down the aisles and pulling all the clothes off the rails.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 17:09

To right Indith - people can't have it both ways

lambethlil · 31/05/2012 17:09

I want some MrsDeV bunting Grin

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 17:09

too right

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/05/2012 17:15

I am likeing that that bunting uses Cath Kidston/Ikea fabric for the charming Shabby Chic touch Grin

I think because I am getting older, I feel more able to challenge older women.
I dont mean I berate pensioners regularly or anything.
But if a woman of a certain age is being horrible about a young mother etc I feel more confident in pulling them up.

Because if they give me that 'I am 55 and bought up 3 children thank you very much' I can say 'well you are only 10 years older than me and I have 5 so ner' (or words to that affect).

That whole 'we didnt do things like that in my day' doesnt wash either, not if their day was my day too.

I need to clarify

  1. i do not trawl the aisles looking for bother
  2. I am just as likely to be assertive with a man (oooeer).
Unfortunately IME it does tend to be women who do this PA thing (though not exclusively).
OP posts:
Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/05/2012 17:16

indith that is what drives me bonkers. If someone is going to moan about a screaming child you can bet your bunting they would be moaning about a child being 'given in to'

OP posts:
jubilucket · 31/05/2012 17:47

Herhissyness I've bookmarked that page, looks like my sort of place...

I'm sure I'm more assertive thanks to MN. I used 'did you mean to sound so rude?' during a squabble about the last three reduced chickens in Waitrose the other day!

Well done MrsD.

QueenOfTheGymBunny74 · 31/05/2012 17:58

I wish I'd had MN cajones when DS was two and throwing a tantrum in Sainsburys, he was always allowed to walk around as a big boy treat, but was misbehaving so I put him in the "baby seat" in the trolley, and he shouted ALL the way round "I don't WANT to go in the trolley! I don't WANT to go in the trolley!" etc etc.

I bumped into my Auntie Psycho, and she made some comments on "the child I'd got there" I just WISH I'd said "He's two. At least HE won't still be making a public show of himself when he's 50".... which would have MOST probably led to her trying to claw my eyes out right there in the frozen food section, just to prove my point :o

HerHissyness · 31/05/2012 17:58
Grin

But I'm betting we can can commission that bunting company....

Using the MN Swear Formula, you can create your OWN swears!

  • = MN swear - Fuck badger, piss beaver, toss ferret

OR

  • = MN swear - Fuck sticks, piss bucket, toss mug

On the actual thread subject, I did tackle someone on their verbal abuse of their child once, it was HORRENDOUS, she insulted this kid, tore him to pieces in a sustained manner for over 15 minutes in a small and crowded shop. She then she goaded her other kids to join in, and they did too. Sad I snapped and told her to pack it in. When she challenged me I recommended Parenting Classes, ANYTHING but what she was doing to that poor child.

PineappleBed · 31/05/2012 18:01

High fiving you! That's brill!

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 31/05/2012 18:05

There is a dress on that blog that I want so much it hurts and its not on the River Island website

I rarely pull people up on their parenting herhissy. I work in child development so it takes quite a bit to make me hoike me bosoms. But when you are faced with someone being cruel (in the way you describe) I think its perfectly reasonable to say something.
I was walking down the Holloway Rd once and saw a woman hit her son so hard he went flying into a shop window. He was about 12-13.

I couldnt not say something. It was vile. Nothing that kid could have done or said deserved that. She gave me a right mouthful. I gave her a right one back.
I prefer my new style of assertiveness though. It doesnt leave that horrible taste in your mouth.

I am not a confrontational person really. When I used to blow up at people I always felt crap afterwards even if I was technically in the right.

OP posts:
JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 31/05/2012 18:05

wank urn