To think my dp would make a bit of effort to ttc???

[mrdarceych]

ok, we dont live together and we move around alot,but, having had a miscarriage àt the end of last year,( even though we were not ttc, just having a good time!!)(it was a big shock finding out...but just about got my head around it, andthen lost it) and all that came with the aftermath, and having spoken seriously about our future together and that we would really like to make a go of it...
So, back to now, since mc i have had af at some strage times...so, would i be unreasonable to expect that he could visit me at least once a week???
Or is he really not into me???

I should add that i am 10 years older than him, and alough we have amazing times when we are together, i do doubt things...

Going to leave it at that for now, but am interested in your views...

If there is any interest in this thread i will give more information...if not...well....!!!!

would it not make sense to live together, and see how you get on as a couple in a relationship, before having a child?

Sorry to hear about your MC

But if you're actively ttc now, why aren't you living together?

And why does he only visit once a week? Are you sure he wants to be a Dad?

I dont understand your post

Sorry about your loss.

Let me get this straight - you do not live together, you have doubts and you are ttc?

Why?

My views? He's not that fussed.
Don't bother.

Sorry about your MC.

It doesn't sound like he wants to be a dad at all. IMO I can't see why on earth you would be ttc with someone you don't even live with and you see less than once a week

Its work related.. And also lots of other complications... I am british, he is not and we are both working abroad

Sorry to be blunt but how on earth is that a good recipe for bringing a baby into the world?

Well going on the limited information you've given us...

If you hardly ever see each other due to work (and other complications whatever they may be) and you don't live together...I really don't think it's wise to try to get pregnant at this stage in your relationship.

Do you think there's a chance that your unexpected pregnancy and MC has kind of 'rushed' things along and that you really need to walk before you can run?

Ok, i get it already!!!
I dont post very much on here and i dont know if what i have previously posted is still available to see...????? if it is, there is more of our history, if not,....???!!!

Good lord.

If you are really that desperate for a baby, then maybe look into a sperm donor?
I am serious actually, because it sounds like you will get no support from this man at all.

Can you post a brief synopsis of your history for the benefit of the thread?

I think it's the only way anyone can help you.

Yes thyme, thanks, actually i really am starting to come around( you are not the first who has said that! ...just one othere mind you...dont have many rl friends!)

Worraliberty makes a good point re: your unexpected pregnancy and subsequent MC. I would advise you take some time to think and process things before you make ^any decisions.

sorry, any decisions.

Ok, in a nutshell, i dont have time on my side( im 41 and a half!!)
i am still married ( but separated 4 years) and was never the family type...but sice the mc i am yearning for a baby now!!!

I know, it sounds crap... But its how i feel!!!

Dp and i have been together bout 18 months and though was pretty casual for first 6 months, since the mc (31st dec) he seems committed, loves me cant live without me, blah blah, we speak every day, and he does visit me when he can,...like i say our work is not very conventional

God, when i read this back i feel like im a teenager!!!

No you don't sound like a teenager but you do sound very confused.

I think the pregnancy and MC has thrown you...along with what you probably see as your 'ticking body clock'.

However, I really think you need to sit your DP down and talk this out like adults. If you're 41 and he's only 31 then perhaps he's not in so much of a 'rush' as you are.

Therefore, I think you need to lay your cards on the table if you feel you are in a rush.

Give him the option at least of making an informed choice as to whether he wants to have a child with you right now.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Yup, its crap!

Its time to move on!!

Worra, you make alot of sence!

I do worry he hasnt had enough life experiances( like me!!) and that he is not as commited as he says he is

Ha. My DH is 9y younger than me and when I had the Serious Talk with him about the future and children, he expressed the wish to wait until he was 35 before having children. I told him that if that was how he felt, then we'd better split up now because I was already 38 and I couldn't wait until I was 44 to even start trying to have DC.
He has a cousin, who was born to his aunt when she was 45, so he honestly hadn't realised how much of an issue the declining fertility post-40 thing is - I explained, he decided that he'd rather stay with me and go for it straight away.

So - had DS when I was 40. And it then took another 4y to have a "sticky" pg, which I am currently halfway through.

Have the Basic Biology chat with your DP; if he's serious about having children with you, then he will hopefully get the picture but if he still doesn't want to go for it now then cut your losses - or decide that what will be, will be, and just see how it goes.