To expect more support

[laluna]

I have been suffering from anxiety and depression since March. I feel I have clawed my way to better health with the support of my GP and although better on the whole, still have the odd bad bad day.

Had a really bad spell a couple of weeks ago which resulted in a bit of self harm and then me having a bit of a breakdown in my car at school. Just couldn't control anything - really scary. Until then, noone knew about my illness except my DH, mum, Dad and best friend. On that morning a couple of friends came into the car and offered support etc. We sat for about 45 mins then I just had to get home. They went off together.

I have been much better since that morning but the two friends have not mentioned anything about it. I felt a bit of release that they now knew - guess I was yearning more support- but am now feeling a bit upset that they are apparently ignoring it and asking how I am etc. I was in quite a bad way at that time. Aibu?

Don't be too hard on them - they could be thinking a) we're embarrassed, we don't know what to say, were we useful or just crap, why hasn't she said anything? or b) laluna's embarrassed, she doesn't want us to mention it, best to just carry on as though it had never happened.

It sounds like they were very supportive but this really is the sort of situation where they're going to look to you to take the initiative in terms of talking about it subsequently. They don't know what you want - the ball is in your court. Just sit them down and thank them for trying to help and say what you've said here - that it started in March, good and bad days etc. That will get the conversation, and thus the support, going.

Can you thank them for thier help that day and then see where the convo leads you. It's quite a biggy for them to bring up out of the blue and they don't know how you feel at this mo.

Why don't you invite them round or out for a coffee as a thank you for the help they gave you that day.

I had a meltdown at church a few weeks ago and nobody has mentioned it since. I'm happy with that. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want concern, I just want to pretend I'm ok.

I think people in this situation just act the way they would want other people to react if it was them that had been crying. As different people react differently you won't always get the responses you would like. I don't think anyone wants to upset you any more. If you would like some more support from them I think you might have to reach out to them and let them know. Easier said than done though.

Like everyone else, I assume they think you would be a bit embarrassed about it and don't want it mentioning again. If you do want to talk, then you would have to say something to them - open the conversation by thanking them for giving you their time on that day.

Again, I think they are possibly reacting the way they would want people to react to them.

I'm with Jodidi in that I wouldn't want it mentioned again and would consider them behaving as though it hadn't happened as support.

Perhaps they are leaving the ball firmly in your court so if you want more from them, it's up to you to state that. The fact that you hadn't told them beforehand and hadn't mentioned it since probably makes them feel that they've had a little insight into your world that you'd rather they hadn't had and are being respectful of you by not mentioning it.

Everyone's different. When my mum was diagnosed with cancer she told everyone - literally, it was part of her chit chat to the check out staff at the supermarket because, and I quote, "It's nice to get the sympathy". When my dad was diagnosed with cancer 2 years earlier no one had any idea how bad it was because he downplayed it the whole time and refused to tell anyone unless he had to because the "last thing he wanted was sympathy".

Everyone's different, they're just looking for a cue from you as to how to proceed. You haven't mentioned it and so neither have they.

So I am afraid YABU.

This happened to me a few months ago. I was off work with stress and am a single mother so no-one at home to talk to - I broke down at book club! cringe. The people who helped me at the time didn't say anything afterwards. Result : I go to fewer book club meetings as I keep thinking that they all think I'm a fruitcake.

A quick text the next day to say 'are you ok?' would have gone a long, long way to help me feel less embarrassed and more supported.

So I'm with you.