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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to ask this mother at the school gate what her problem is?

14 replies

complexo · 30/05/2012 22:13

My daughter has been going to nursery and now reception with this boy, they are friends but not best friends. We used to live in the same block of flats and this boy used to go to a CM friend of mine, so mother and I always been polite to each other but not friends at all.
She invited my daughter and the whole class I think, to her son's b'day party back in April. I decided my daughter would not go because she had just started her very expensive swimming lessons which were on the same day and time, plus the paty was not gonna be local but a bit further away and as I don't drive would be a bit of nightmare to get there. If the party was local, I would go after swimming even if it was for one hour but the place was not practical for me at all.
So I declined well in advance and bought the gift my daughter chose. I put the gift in a gift bag with a card and I gave to the (new) CM at the school gate one day before the party (I checked with CM beforehand is she could take it) and asked CM to give to the mother so mother could decide best time for child to open it.
I never heard anything from mother, I thought it was a bit rude but nevermind...but...last week, mother went to pick up at school, I was using my huge sunglasses, she probably thought I didn't see her coming, so when she saw me she pulled a nasty face and looked the other way clearly avoiding talking to me and pretending she was too busy and didn't see me...
Than this week we bumped into each other close to school, she said a vague hello not even looking at me...

I am not that bother tbh, but what have I done wrong and how rude of her to treat me and my child whose she is tottaly ignoring now like that just because we didn't go to the party? Anyway our children are at primary together should parents not be more civilised to each other?
Or maybe I am just over reacting and hae nothing else better to do?
(I probably do but it is more fun to procrastinate on MN)

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2012 22:52

you've years ahead of school politics,can't be falling out in primary one
frankly don't sweat it or react

VashtiBunyan · 30/05/2012 22:55

I don't understand what reason she has to come up and talk to you. It doesn't mean she is ignoring you in particular.

lalaland3008 · 30/05/2012 22:57

Personally I would approach her in a friendly way and ask if her dd liked the gift. Perhaps if the kids are good enough friends even invite her dd for a playdate.

Who knows why she's being stroppy, perhaps it's nothing to do with you and it's personal stuff. But if it is to do with the party personally I'd be the bigger person and build bridges, if that doesn't work just stuff her.

WhippingGirl · 30/05/2012 23:03

I would get huffy about no thank you acknowledgement for the gift as I think that is v rude. I have a gift book where I record all the dc Xmas and birthday etc gifts and send cards locally, some texts and an email with a photo to faraway people then tick them off in the book. If my dc are given a gift by someone I don't know v well I make even more effort to acknowledge it because it's good manners!!

My only question is did you tell the mum that dd couldn't go to the party and why?

Doesn't excuse the non acknowledgement of gift mind

complexo · 30/05/2012 23:07

What bothers me most is not the fact she didn't talk to me at the school gate...is the fact she did pull a very sour face like you do when you see someone very unpleasant that you don't like at all....as I was using huge sunglasses she did not know I was seeing it...

And yes, when I declined, I explained why. And one week in advance of the party. 3 days after receving the invitation

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 30/05/2012 23:08

I don't understand this school gate politics stuff. When you leave school you leave all those politic behind right? Except you don't. Once you have a child and you're back at the school gates it starts all over again, except with adults who should know a bit better by now, rather than with children.

I'd either ask her directly if the gift was liked, or just smile when you see her and walk on. Probably a good idea to smile and ask directly I think, then you will know for sure if there's a problem. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised!

Either way though don't give this person the power to make you feel bad, she can have that all for herself. As you get older you come to realise that it's not what others think about you that counts, but what you think about them.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 31/05/2012 07:57

Why would you even buy a gift if your child wasn't going to the party? that's just me being nosy
Could the childminder have lost/stolen/misplaced the gift so she doesn't know anything about it, hence the non-acknowlegement? How do you know the "sour look" was because you didn't go to the party? It could be any one of a million things. If it bugs you that much, given that you hardly spoke to each other before this, go and ask her...

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 31/05/2012 08:06

I would probably use the 'snowballs become avalanches' school of thought and just go up and chat to her. If she seems a bit moody and cats-bummy just ask her if she's ok. Be upbeat and cheerful when you see her and greet her with a 'hello' and if she still wants to be in a mood, well then it's her problem isn't it?

complexo · 31/05/2012 08:16

I bought a gift because I felt bad I decided my daughter would go to swimming instead of the birthday. She was kind enough to invite us, why not to buy a gift? I like the boy so does my daughter, I was neighbour with them...anyway, I'm 100% sure the sour face was because of me but I'm not sure if it was to do with the birthday or not, as she never spoke to me after that. I don't know what the CM did with the gift but I would assume she delivered it safely unless she is evil? Anyway I will just leave it.

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 31/05/2012 08:23

I think I sometimes make a face if my back twinges or I have silent refluxy burp. You were wearing big sunglasses and she may not have realised you saw so how do you know it had anything to do with you?

Smile and wave, smile and wave, and a cheery hello.

Fourlegged · 31/05/2012 08:41

Definitely approach her and ask if CM DELIVERED TGE GIFT

poshbird1 · 31/05/2012 08:47

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Chrysanthemum5 · 31/05/2012 09:04

When DS started a new school I was convinced one of the other mums didn't like me. She never spoke to me, seemed to turn away etc. I found out recently that at the time she had been going through a very difficult personal situation. So, her behaviour had absolutely nothing to do with me but I was arrogant enough to assume that it did.

Ask the mum if the CM handed over the gift.

jubilucket · 31/05/2012 09:11

I think you should bite the bullet and ask her if her ds liked the gift and how the party went. Chances are she's in a foul mood about something completely different anyway, but it would be nice to know your present made it, especially as most mums are pretty good at thank you's for gifts and it's odd that you've not had one.

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