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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have weaned my four month old son on to solid food yet

53 replies

Jamesmom12 · 30/05/2012 21:54

Still feeling rather frustrated after yet another 'debate' with my family about the fact I haven't started weaning my son onto solids yet.

He's my second child and a very healthy bouncing baby - has been steadily on the 91st centile since birth and is a very content little chappy in general. He still wakes up once a night, but I'm taking that as perfectly reasonable for a baby at his age.

However, since he was literally 10 weeks old, my parents have been obsessed with the fact that 'he needs a bit of proper food to get him sleeping through the night'. Now, I know that things were different in their day, and I know that many people still choose to wean their children earlier than six months, and I would happily take on board their comments and smile sweetly, if it wasn't for the constant muttering every time they think I've turned away!

Last night it was the fact that I wouldn't let him eat some ice cream at a family barbecue...when I said I'd rather they didn't try and feed it to him my dad told my db that 'mothers today are ridiculous, I was given evaporated milk from birth and it didn't do any harm."

A few minutes later he couldn't resist but say to me that "you were given ice cream as a baby, why isn't it good enough for your ds."

Now the background to this is that a large number of my family have stomach and bowel problems - my nan and aunt suffer with crohns and my dad and me have irritable bowel syndrome, which plagues our lives.

All the reading I've done says the risk of those kind of illnesses in later life is reduced if you wait until six months to wean. I have also struggled with my weight throughout my life...so when my dad tells me I was on a can of beans and a fried egg for dinner at three months, it doesn't particularly strike me as a good thing.

I'm absolutely not judging anybody else's decisions and I don't want to snap back at my parents anything that might sound as if I blame them for my stomach problems, but I'm getting a little tired of being made out to be an over protective, neurotic mother!

So , would I be unreasonable to lay out all the reasons for not weaning before six months, given the medical evidence and our personal family history, or should I just continue to smile sweetly and let them think I'm being psb (precious second born!).

OP posts:
NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown · 30/05/2012 23:06

There's nothing to debate, you're the parent!

It wouldn't be unreasonable to lay out all the reasons you're not weaning yet. I'd print it all out and give a copy to anyone who made a comment to get them off my back. Then do a Jeremy Paxman and just repeat yourself until they give up.

I don't understand all this 'big babies need solid food' 'your baby needs fattening up' so wean early. IMO if a 4 month old needs more food give him more milk! It's one of many very individual choices you have to make as a parent though and what's right for one parent and baby isn't right for the next. Just do what you think is right, it's nobody else's business!

Oh and about 'sleeping through the night' - I found all comments stopped when I told people who asked that DS "slept fine" at night, nobody needs to know what that means and I feel much more relaxed without their 'helpful' suggestions of how to 'improve' things!

misslinnet · 30/05/2012 23:18

YANBU.

They're probably not aware of the reasoning behind the recommendations to not wean before 6 months, especially as parents used to be told to start weaning at 4 months.

And being on proper food hasn't necessarily got anything to do with sleeping through the night.
DS slept through most nights from 4 months, and he didn't get anything other than milk before he was 6 months. My nephew is 16 months now, has been eating proper food since he was 6 months, and still wakes up most nights according to my sister.

PooPooInMyToes · 30/05/2012 23:33

Now the background to this is that a large number of my family have stomach and bowel problems - my nan and aunt suffer with crohns and my dad and me have irritable bowel syndrome, which plagues our lives. All the reading I've done says the risk of those kind of illnesses in later life is reduced if you wait until six months to wean.

I would print some of that info out. Every time they mention it just hand it to them, tell them to read it and leave the room while they do. Go read the paper or something. Next time do the same.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 31/05/2012 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddening · 31/05/2012 05:23

my mum never pushed the earlier than 6 mth thing but she is a fan of filling a baby up so they sleep and can't get her head round blw and trusting his appetite - I keep thinking about pointing out that I have asthma, ibs and am overweight and a fussy eater but I would feel mean - but if she was being like your dad then I would have exploded already!

HandMadeTail · 31/05/2012 05:44

I wouldn't try to show them any link between Boswell problems and early weaning, as this will come across as if you are blaming them for your condition.

But just stress that medical advice is different now, to when you were a baby, and you are doing what you think best, just as they did what they were told was the best thing for you (at the time).

I remember DD2's first solid food. She snatched a chocolate biscuit out of my hand (at 6mo) and shoved it between her gums!

HandMadeTail · 31/05/2012 05:44

Boswell? Bowel, obviously!

dondon33 · 31/05/2012 06:14

Your baby = your rules OP
I'm with the others tell them it's your decision, provide proof and if they don't like it then it's tough titty.
I understand sometimes it's hard to see why rules change, especially for the older generation, like earlier weaning was accepted and encouraged years ago and now it's not, but it has changed and obviously lots of research has been done to back up why it's better.
Out of 3 DC I had to feed one earlier as he just wasn't satisfied with milk alone (he was 10lb 7 born and I think the bugger came out with my appetite),he was drinking far too much milk( first breast milk then second milk for hungrier babies) and the health visitor recommended simple things like baby rice and rusks, he didn't get "real" food until he was 4-5 mths. It worked for him, he has no health probs. The other 2, even though they were also big babies were fine and I didn't need to introduce food until 4-5 mths.
I'm TTC at the moment with DP and I know I will stick to new guidelines that are available now, even though only 15 years ago the health visitor advised me differently. Things change and your family may not accept it done any harm back in their day but they should respect your choices.

catsmother · 31/05/2012 06:19

You need to do what you feel is best for your baby. I started to wean both mine at 7 months, and neither was small .... my DD was 98th centile. Both slept through from about 6 to 9 weeks and it was only when I noticed a marked increase in the number of milk feeds they were demanding that I began solid food.

I never understand other people's concerns about someone else's baby .... unless of course the baby appears neglected, unhappy, ill looking etc. With a normal happy healthy baby it simply wouldn't occur to me to be bothered about what/how it was being fed.

BellaOfTheBalls · 31/05/2012 06:23

What would fill you up more; half a pint of gold top milk or a few spoonfuls of puréed carrot?

And they think it's going get him sleeping how exactly?

YankNCock · 31/05/2012 08:07

And the 'needing solids to sleep through' thing is nonsense. DS was exclusively breastfed till 25 weeks, but slept through from 8-9 weeks. Some babies sleep through, some don't. I just got extremely lucky! (He was almost permanently attached to me during the day though)

Original poster
Jamesmom12 · 31/05/2012 08:24

Thanks everyone, I'm very grateful for the sanity check! They're very loving grandparents so I have been trying to bite my tongue, but they push me dangerously close to the edge at times!

I think as you say, sometimes they see my decisions as a criticism of their own, but obviously times change. No doubt I will be infuriating my children's children in years to come with my own pearls of wisdom!

I shall continue to stand my ground and hold my fire for the inevitable 'you were potty trained at 18 months, day and night', conversations!

OP posts:
BIWItheBold · 31/05/2012 08:28

By doing something different from them you are asserting your own independence, which (as your parents) can be unsettling.

It is also an implicit criticism of the way you were raised.

I think YADNBU, and it's up to you to deal with your baby the way you believe to best, but understand that this is how they could be feeling.

Although I'd be tempted to raise the issue of the family's medical history, that will make them feel even more shit. So I'd just rely on telling them that this is the current advice and that your midwife/health visitor/GP (or all of them!) has told you that this is what you need to do.

And then smile and ignore!

pigletmania · 31/05/2012 08:45

It is up to you. I have started to give ds 17 week some baby rice because the milk feeds were increasing

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 31/05/2012 09:11

I'm getting very confused about bowel problems in relation to "early" weaning. I was advised by both my health visitor and GP to wean DS at four months to try and help his reflux (it worked beautifully by the way, now we only get through two dribble bibs between meals per day, rather than four or five between each bottle getting soaked with vomit). When I asked about bowel problems I was told they wouldn't be an issue as long as I steered clear of gluten until he was six months... Yet the general consensus on here seems to be that ANY food can lead to bowel problems.

ComradeJing · 31/05/2012 09:23

TBH I would probably start to make a bit of a fuss with it.

Next time it comes up I'd fix them all with a glare and say, "Look, I know you don't agree with me but current advice is not to wean until 6 months. I will not be weaning until 6 months. Please stop bringing this up and making out that I'm either failing my dc or somehow making out that I think I'm too good to follow your advice. Please do not try to feed them behind my back. I really don't want to discuss this again. If you feel you can't help me to do what I feel is best for my children then perhaps it's best that we don't visit until DC is 6 months and this issue is behind us."

Then if it's ever mentioned again repeat, "Dad/Mum, I've said I don't want to discuss this any more."

BellaOfTheBalls · 31/05/2012 09:26

DesperatelySeeking. The advice is conflicting I agree. DS2 was ready at 5 months, I managed to hold him off about 2 weeks but was advised to keep him on just fruit & veg until after 6 months.

I think OP's concern is that there is a family history of bowel problems which can be attributed to early weaning.

PurplePidjinghamPalace · 31/05/2012 09:30

Just as them "Whatever happened to mother knows best?" and fix them with a steely glare Wink

MustControlFistOfDeath · 31/05/2012 09:39

Smile and nod. Then ignore. Repeat as necessary. Smile

Original poster
Jamesmom12 · 31/05/2012 09:41

Yes, exactly...the advice does seem conflicting and as with all parenting decisions a lot of it is as much to do with personal circumstances and instinct as it is to do with the official guidelines. My sister weaned her dd at 17 weeks because she had terrible reflux and was dropping through the centiles dramatically - her hv advised her to wean and in her case, despite the family history, it was obviously the right thing to do. I think it's a personal decision, just that in my specific case, waiting until six months seems to be the safest option. See, I can elucidate my point quite clearly on here - something about my parents seems to bring out my inner sulky teenager though!

OP posts:
Bethan31 · 31/05/2012 10:16

Yanbu - I am waiting until six months too, all the evidence suggests this is best to help avoid allergies. With crohns in your family six months is def a minimum! My dh has crohns and consultant advised us not to give red meat to lo and dh has cut it out too.

Good luck :)

KellyElly · 31/05/2012 10:18

My daughter is 2.7 and when she was born the advice was 6 months. I don't think its changed.

Rubirosa · 31/05/2012 10:30

I would invent a HV who has told you to "delay" weaning til 6 months due to family history. Surely they'd respect a medical opinion?

Ithinkitsjustme · 31/05/2012 14:25

I don't believe that weaning a hungry baby at 4 months is the end of the world, or that not waiting until the day they are 6 months old is going to cause massive problems in the future, but if your baby is happy and content on milk, then what is the rush? Many babies will wake at least once a night whether they have been weaned or not, so it's not going to make a massive difference to that. Also, to give him ice-cream is frankly mad! Why would anyone give ice-cream to a baby that age? It's not as if they are asking for some is it? Ultimately this is YOUR baby and you must do whatever seems best to you. Trust your instincts and ask your parents to respect your decisions.

spiderlight · 31/05/2012 14:29

Ignore ignore ignore. My DS went from the 6th percentile at birth to the 98th by 6 months on breastmilk alone and is now ridiculously healthy and the tallest in his year, so the notion that it's not 'enough' is utter rubbish. I even had the health visitor on at me about it Hmm