To tell someone to think twice

[blenda]

about having a baby. My niece is 24 years old and just about to go to university. She is no longer together with the baby's father. She was close to getting a termination until the father's wealthy father stepped in a begged her to keep it as it was hid dying wish to see his grandchild. I think he's also offered to support the baby. Anyway, she's decided to keep it now after spending a week on holiday with the father's parents. Something about this feels so wrong.

I think you should respect her choice.

why? you can still go to university if you have a baby, I went back with a 5 month old! she's not a child either she's 24! some people have COMPLETED their families by then

lots of people get "close" to having terminations then don't, I know quite a few children whose mothers booked termination apt then changed their minds!

if the other side of the family are going to help then that's great isn't it?

Sounds as though she has thought twice!

I don't really think it's appropriate to tell someone not to keep their baby.

Terminations are always sad and difficult so I think you should be glad for her that she feels able to keep her baby (whether because of financial help or any other reason) and offer her any other positive support you can.

Having a newborn is no barrier to university, as long as she is able to have support from someone along the way. Her future baby's grandfather is prepared to offer that support. It would be good if you could too.

YABU.

I think you need to mind your own beeswax OP!

Obviously I'm being a bit unreasonable. Points taken. I think I'm just a bit scarred by being the product of a mother who squeezed out 5 babies despite having no money, no husband and not liking children. But that is my issue not my nieces. Thanks for the replies x

I don't really think it's appropriate to tell someone not to keep their baby

I agree, but I also don't think it's appropriate to tell someone to keep their baby - which is what the would-be grandfather is doing. IMO really neither of you should be expressing an opinion.

However, since she's clearly being influenced in one direction by the would-be grandfather, perhaps it would be helpful to her to know that there would be support for the other option, iyswim.

Be very very careful in what you say though. I would limit it to "if you have any doubts about continuing, I'd be happy to discuss it with you" or something like that.

I think you would be better just letting her know you are there if she needs you, and try to listen if so. I would be careful of influencing her either way to be honest, it really needs to be her decision entirely.