Being forced to do school sports

[Janey62]

Does anyone know the legal position on having to do school sports day?
My daughter is 8, and was very premature, as a result she is still tiny and not strong. She gets trounced in anything sporty by kids her age. Twice now she has come home from sporting events at school looking totally washed out and promptly vomited. Last week I wrote to the class teacher asking for her to be excused sports day as it was going to be 27 degrees and I knew it would happen again. Because she doesn't want to be last all the time she throws herself at it with such effort that she makes herself ill ( and still comes last). Anyway, the teacher told her that there wasn't anywhere shady to sit at the sports ground , so she may as well join in..... Of course the child feels obliged to do so, and subsequently fell over and broke her little finger- we were in A&E until 9pm that night!!!
As you can imagine I'm not very happy with the teacher, but in all other respects she is an excellent teacher.
Should she have complied with my letter and allowed my daughter to sit out?
Am I being unreasonable?

I think the problem lies in Infant School sports days

They're all about 'the taking part'...no winners, no losers...just prancing about under a multi-coloured parachute for the most of it.

By the time they get to Junior age and a bit of healthy competition is involved, they just can't cope with the fact someone else can beat them.

I suspect we'll see the results of this attitude in this year's Olympics (again)

She sounds like a nice little girl, trying her best on sports day, but she really shouldn't be vomiting after exercise. I agree that your GP should have a look at her.

I think it sounds like you both need to see the doctor.

Surely if she is still this delicate then she would be under a paediatrain as well as GP. I do wonder if she is picking up on your anxiety. Prehaps a doctor or a child physio can say what is realistic for your daughter and what is the parent's anxiety.

I saw a litle boy with cerabral palsy take part in a team event on sports day. Very few state schools have competitive sports days.

Could she do half and half ?

Take a pop up tent / umberella for her to sit under and cool off between races, lots of iced water to sip and get a list of all the races she could take part in from the teacher then just pick say three for her to line up with and join in with - plonk yourself right by her (in with the kids not perched on the side with the parents) and show her that as your her mum you are more important than the school rules and her health and happiness are the most important things to you.
When she does a race and looses have a stash of gifts and medals 9you can get a whole pack from the £1 shop) and very publicly and loudly cheer and clap her and don a medal on her for effort.
Laugh off in a hearty "i'm just totally bonkers " way any comments from teachers/parents/other kids - keep on jolly mum mode all the way back to the car and home.
As a mum of a super-speedy win everything,every year, son I can honestly say there will be plenty of upset and frustration and over-analysis in our car all the way home - to the point of considering throwing a sickie just to avoid the whole debarcle.

I get the feeling you worry and your DD doesn't, she just want to do her best. If she's happy to take part then she should.

Yes talk to the dr about her being sick, but I suspect it may just be a combination of nerves, excitement and exertion. Remind her teacher or better still the TA (they tend to remember) to keep an eye on her.

Never under estimate the little ones, the tiny twin in my class ran cross country for the county at 14.

No harm in getting her checked out. If she is fine, then she should participate, even if she is not very good at it.

I was rubbish at sports and hated sports day but did understand that it was often an opportunity for the less academic to shine. My DH was captain of every sports team going, won everything etc. We have both been equally successful/unsuccessful in our lives/careers so it is no cause for long term worry!

My girls aren't athletic and don't win sports events, but they knew we didn't care and they enjoyed cheering for their sporty friends. When they hit secondary school, sports day is optional and my older girl dropped it like a hot brick - I expect little one will do the same - so it is just the primary years and they pass in a flash.

This is just a thought but could the being sick be to do with fear related stress? Fear that she's going to fail and self (or school) imposed pressure?

My younger DC was bullied at school. A group of little shits would chase her out of the gates and the mile and a half home - she'd come in through the door and immediately rush to the bathroom to vomit. It wasn't the run or distance which caused it, she was older than your DD and could do that run easily when she wanted to, it was the sheer stress of the situation.

People on here are saying well done to your DD for wanting to take part and for going all out and trying despite not winning but does she really want to or is she pushing herself and making herself sick because although apparently willing to please on the outside, inside she's scared shitless, IYSWIM.

I may be way off the mark and if I am, I'm sorry. It just occurred to me that this could be an explanation.

Why couldn't she have sat inside? Sports day is ridiculous as it is. Your poor daughter it must be horrible to have to be in that much pain and forced to carry on. It's like at my school the severly asthmatic and overweight kids still had to run round the track, there was a girl in our year who was about 25 stone and they said she has to walk it (even walking was hard for her, especially in summer) it meant everyone else had finished running and she was still walking it round for about 15 mins whilst everyone sat and watched. It was nasty and pointless. I refused to ever run track after that so they'd send letters to my mum and give me detentions, but my mum was on my side :). I think you should complain to the head.

I expect the people who are claiming sport's days are rediculous etc hated sport themselves as children and these feelings are now being passed down their children. You will (perhaps without realising it) be putting your children off sport, possibly for life.

Sport is healthy and is essential for fitness, strength, flexibility, blood pressure etc. Some competition is also healthy. Sport in clubs is also good for social skills, having a social life, team work and confidence. Believe it or a healthy balance of competition where you win and lose is good for confidence. Even if you lose children can gain confidence just because they managed to finish a race or because they could do it infront of a lot of people. You can't go through life wrapping them in cotton wool so they never lose anything. What will happen when they are older and they don't pass their driving test, don't get in to the uni of their choice or don't get that job interview they were desperate for? Losing is part of life...tough luck.

As for the OP. Your daughter being tiny has nothing to do with her throwing up and being knackered from sport. I suspect she does very little exercise because you wrap her up in cotton wool. She is therefore unfit. I agree with others about taking her to the doctors. It sounds like there is more to this than being premature (she is 8 now afterall and not 8 months). I was born extremely prematurly and was very tiny as a child (I am still only 4 foot 11 as an adult) but my parents never stopped me doing anything because it made me tired or because it was hard. I loved sport. I beat people who stood over a foot taller than me, girls and boys at cross country, I whipped their ass at hockey, could run like a whippet with a bum full of dynamite, could show them a thing or two at trampolining but of course I lost sometimes too. I had to do high jump at sports day in one of these dreadful non competitive sports days where every child tries every event. I, of course managed to jump about 2 inches off the ground and fell flat on my back. Embarrasing -yes! Did it scar me for life - no! I was shy, had no confidence but sport helped with that.

Don't let your fears about your daughters birth, childhood and health stand in her way to have a life. Get her to the doctors this week and then let her live her life the same way any 8 year old should. She is small not incapable.

Is she dehydrated? I need to give my ds loads of drinks - not just water- after he plays sport otherwise he is the same. He was prem too but is average size now and very active and sporty, I think it's more to do with sitting out in the sun on hot days and not drinking enough tbh.

I have always wondered why schools don't have maths days and science days and english days and force everyone to participate in front of the whole school and crowds of over zealous parents too. That way the public humiliation is evenly distributed and not just aimed at those who are bad at sport.
I do think YABU though, as she didn't break her finger because she is smaller than the other children. Unless the teacher was negligent in some way as to her safety, that's not the teacher's fault.

They do at ds's school theowrld the kids are grouped by ability so the really sporty ones go off on fixtures etc and the less sporty ones do fun stuff like frisbee and Zumba/dance.

RosemaryandThyme - your suggestions are some of the silliest I have read in a long time.

Littlefish. I have to agree.

Me too

Littlefish - me too....if OP did that her poor DD would never live it down, can you imagine the embarassement!

Jesus Rosmary, why not go the whole hog and get some slaves to fan her with huge palm leaves....

I have a dd whose difficulties with sport were eventually found to be due to a physical disability which had gone undiagnosed. This helped to show us what things she really shouldn't/would never be able to do, but also to concentrate on physical exercises that she could and should be joining in. What I think would be really helpful would be the following:

1. first have her assessed by a doctor

2. if there is an underlying physical problem, discuss the implications with doctor and school- do not assume that it's all or nothing, sometimes just a little tweaking can help a child to join in or to join in for part of the time

3. if the doctor feels her reaction may be due to stress, then discuss with the doctor and your dd how she can help herself to deal with stressful situations- she may simply need a plan (if I start feeling like x, I will then do y)

4. learn to distinguish between the kind of things that happen to your dd because of her being different and what kind of things happen to her because it is a normal part of childhood (I think most of us would put breaking her finger in the latter category)

Why not run alongside the poor child with a home-made Olympic torch while you are about it? Perhaps arrange the local constabulary to provide an accompanying motorcycle entourage too? Makes as much sense as Rosemary's tips but will, of course, have the effect of making the OP's dd completely phobic about sport.

Geez you guys think that's silly - have a look over on the undconditional parenting thread !

No thanks, Rosemary. I'm already having the sort of day where I'm convinced I exist in a parallel universe. I don't need it proved beyond doubt!

Now you are all BU for making me snort out loud now...am just imagine someone mad mum running along with the olympic torch whilst slaves are fanning the runners with giant leaves

Where's that rosemary?

I'd say if your dd has a physical disability of any kind then it is even more important than you should start teaching her coping strategies straight away. In that case she is going to need more resilience and less of a habit of opting out than other children, not more.

The vomiting could be the heat and over exerting. I vomit on occasion in the gym from pushing myself too hard, and if she isn't used to the exercise it's harder