I don't think my DH will walk out, but I don't think he is very happy.
The past couple of months, he has not been himself. He's been very quiet, quite irritable, and keen to spend time by himself and with friends.
Last night I talked to him about it, and he admitted that he hadn't been happy lately. He said he was sick of struggling and working hard for no reward and no hope of ever not struggling.
We have been through a tough time in recent years. DH had worked for a family-run business, made the old couple who ran it a lot of money, was treated like a member of the family and then suddenly made redundant. After this, our house was repossessed and we got into financial trouble. He has gone self employed, but it took him some time to build his business up, and of course the money is never regular.
BUT, over the last year, we have really sorted ourselves out. We moved into a flat, paid off the money we owed and we're not in any more debt. We don't have a lavish lifestyle, but we don't do bad. We have an X Box, Lovefilm and Netflix subscriptions, broadband, a couple of PCs we built ourselves, a reasonable car, he has three guitars and a couple of amps, plus a kayak and a load of camping and outdoor gear.
He certainly doesn't want for hobbies - he's in two bands, plus he has a guitar lesson every week and a kung fu lesson (which cost £40 per week), plus he goes running with my mum twice a week in the evenings and an exercise bike in the shed to keep fit. The kayaking he does mostly in the summer, but it often involves an overnight camp too.
I don't mind any of this, btw. If we couldn't afford it, I know he'd stop straight away, and I understand that he works hard and needs to blow off steam. Being self employed, it's pretty tough to take holidays, and he hasn't had any time off in about 3 years, so I know this is an equivalent.
But last night he started talking about things he wished he'd done. He and a mate had a plan to go hiking in Africa when they were younger, and he wished he'd done that. He also wished he'd joined the Marines too, he'd been a cadet and had really wanted to carry on and didn't (not because of me, this is way before I met him).
This has been exacerbated by the fact that I have had a tremendous opportunity recently to pursue a lifelong dream of mine, one that could potentially make us a lot of money. Although I don't have to leave the house, I have had to work very hard on it from home, and consequently have relied on DH to help with the housework more than I normally would. I just don't have time to meet a deadline, look after two small boys and do the house too. Sometimes he gets pretty grumpy about this and tells me I should "make time" which really pisses me off.
I have noticed a marked drop in the amount of time we spend together as a family too. We used to go to town on a Saturday to bank the money he'd made, and afterwards we'd take DS1 to the park or for a walk in the woods. Now, every Saturday, he says he'll just nip in by himself as it's quicker. This is true, with DS2 (8m) in a buggy and DS1 (3) being a bit of a handful lately, but it does mean that I don't get out of the house much. As a SAHM, the kids are always my responsibility and it would be nice to have a couple of hours a week where this was shared. It's the same with the supermarket, I can't remember the last time I didn't just send DH off with a list.
I know there are plenty of women out there who would love a DH who did the shopping by himself but I am starting to feel a bit stuck in the house. But because he is so unhappy, i am reluctant to put pressure on him to take me along.
Not sure that a gentle approach is the right thing, but I really don't want to go in all guns blazing and lay the law down if it's going to make him miserable. What's the point?
Should I just let things be and see if they improve, or should I push this?