To ask for help totally abusing aibu because it's the only bit of the site I know...

[Softlysoftly]

... Had dd2 on Sunday morning, she's lovely I'm EBF she's feeding well, nips kill but I think they just need to toughen up but she won't lay down EVER EVER.

It's now 5.30 am on the 3rd night of not going to sleep, for me AT ALL. Ive caught a few hours in the day when mum, DH or dad holds her so I can go to bed but if anyone tries to lay her down she wants the boob again. I've tried putting her down awake, asleep from breast, swaddled (though it's too hot really and she always gets her arms out) un swaddled nothing works, she lays for one second then screams and is rooting again. I've even tried dummies as a last resort but she won't take them.

Help anyone have any experience of a baby that will never ever sleep unless held? Any ideas why? And please don't say co-sleep, I'm not anti it (DD1 is currently in bed with me getting proper peed off at DD2) but I'm overweight and dh smokes albeit out of the house, plus we have a toddler in the bed and family history of SIDs so at newborn age it's just not safe enough :(. I've got a Moses basket and a crib neither makes a difference.

Anyway hope someone can help before I go actually insane and the answer is yes YABU for using probably the wrong forum but you get a free pass due to extreme sleep deprivation and the need to weep.

Oh and I'm not expecting 8 hours and the occasional lie in with a great routine I just want an hour, half an hour even of her laying down so I can catnap, it's literally nothing at the moment and I am terrified of the parentals going home in a few days as DH works nights so can't help!

Also what do I do when dd1 gets up and wants breakfast apart from lay dd2 down to scream which I said I'd never do but I have to function am aware of becoming rambling idiot at this point

I'm sorry, nothing useful to add except YABU. Anything goes when you're that sleep deprived. Congratulations on your baby, though you may not feel like celebrating right now. I'm sure you'll get good advice soon.

Has your milk come in? If you had on Sunday then it can take 3/4 days and then you will see a difference

I don't think your nipples should be killing

Sounds like you need someone to check her latch - she may be nipple feeding? She needs to get a big mouth full of breast - bottom lip curled right back

My DD was just attached to me and would only sleep on me for the first few days

And deffo get a sling!

Congratulations on your baby!

I am not an expert! But ... will she sleep being held at an angle? (ie if you are sitting / reclining would she sleep on your chest/tummy) - in which case, could you consider something like a sling wrap to hold her to you and then you both get a snooze together in a chair? Alternatively would she settle if the head of the cot or basket was raised slightly (phone books or pillow under the mattress) so she wasn't completely flat?

Finally ... I don't know when reflux begins to be an issue or if she's too young, but could she have that and be in pain lying down? In which case some anti reflux meds might help.

Was she a difficult delivery? If so she might have a headache which would get worse lying down.

Good luck

Get Dh to take them both for an early walk and give you a sleep. She'll be fine for an hour.

I used to put DD1 in her carseat, beside the bed, and rock her to sleep. We put some MDF down, as it was easier to rock on that than on carpet. There is advice about not leaving them in a car seat for too long, but 'sitting up' slightly really helped. Propping one end of the moses basket helped too.

Get relatives to take her out in the pushchair. If she's tired she will sleep (may cry at first, but if they go out you won't hear) - they can then park the pushchair back in the house, and hopefully she'll sleep a bit longer.

We used a Phil and Teds cocoon to rock DD3 to sleep, and could then put her down, still in it.

Get a sling / carrier. I tried a few, and loved the baby bjorn. Great to have 2 hands, although you'll be amazed what you can do with 1.

Good Luck. She is still very young, and it will get easier. Get as much help as you can from friends and relatives.

Or evict Dh and dd1 and cosleep

Oh you poor thing! Are you holding her for a decent length of time after a feed? Or are hou trying to pit her down straight away? She may not be in a deep sleep.

Ok thanks already some things i hadnt thought of. I hadn't thought of raising the basket or a sling during day, i dont think my milk has come in yet, ive had no leaking. She will sleep on me from the breast at a slight angle or my shoulder just not as soon as I lay her down, doesn't matter if it's straight away or a while after, she squeals like it could be pain :(

She was a fast delivery all a bit shocking only just made it to the unit and has head ridges which they said would resolve wonder if you are right and it hurts? I will have a look into reflux too.

Mw is fricking useless was in and out the unit in 4 hours, saw someone Monday now no one until Saturday free even though I've left messages asking for a call back to check my breastfeeding and stitches.

I do totally love her btw just aware that the more days/nights this builds the more dd1 will get neglected and I'll get snappy although I'm trying to be totally fake i hate everyone sweetness and light at the moment.

It's ok to be a bit snappy 3 days after birth! Everyone else covered what I was going to suggest bastards :o

If the midwives are crap, call the la leche league and see if there's a group in your area. There are other breastfeeding support groups and advice lines around but I'm spacing on what they're called!

you can always go back to the ward while under mw care if you want to see them.

we took stints holding ds so df would hold him for a few hours whlle I slept and visa versa.

like the idea of tilting the crib (wished I'd known)

you can get zip up swaddles ideal for summer as only one layer and lo can not get out (check out woombie - the do a summer weight one)

ps how does she do in the car seat (not sure on advice for new borns) but if she would sleep in that then angled and swaddled might just work....

Have you tried a cranial osteopath? Dd was a very fast birth, would not lie down and hardly slept, till we saw a co and she slept for 3 hours! It made a huge difference- I think she was uncomfortable.

Sounds like my second baby. He would sleep attached to my nipple (and I had sore nipples too, for the first couple of weeks - midwife checked, latching on fine just needed time for nipples to get used to it), as soon as I unlatched him he would wake. He too wouldn't take a dummy initially, but after a week or two he did, and after a month he spat it out and didn't want it any more.

I hope my experience helps a bit, I'm sure it will get better in a few days.

Cranial oestropath was great for my DD

Also a fast delivery ...

I think it's about now you get the big rush of hormones that makes everything seem worse too. Coupled with no sleep and a shocking labour, of course you are snappy!

I'm afraid I have no real advice to add help with, but if you aren't sure if your milk has come in yet, I reckon it hasn't - hopefully that will happen soon and help.

Congratulations and I hope it get easier for you.

Thank you well I am now the owner of a woombie style snugglepod (sent dh out under pain of tears if he returned without one) and a propped up crib mattress and milk!!! It came in, so wish me luck x

Good luck!!!!!

GOod luck Softlysoftly, I hope DD settles down for you and something resembling as near normal with two comes for you :-)

Hope it gets better now the milk has come in! Mine took days to come in too and I was going insane but it got better by the time it did. X

My dd had reflux from birth, they don't always vomit with it - silent reflux. She cried when we tried to lay her flat and stopped if she was at an angle.