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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming at being called a cow infront of dh's workmates!

49 replies

susiemumof · 29/05/2012 17:01

Fucking fuming actually!!

On the phone to dh about something trivial, he says I will pick dd up at 2.00 tomorrow (she needs something new that he has time off and can take her) I jokingly say why not wait till she is actually out school. We carry on the rest of the normal trivial conversation then he shouts out of nowhere "anyway piss off you sarky cow" and hangs the phone up on me! Errrr wtf!

Could hear people in the background so he obviously thought it was going to make him sound good around the 18 years old he was sat with.

Have sent him a text saying "hope you realise how much of a total dick you sounded there and have got one back telling me to go fuck myself.

Am totally :o about the whole bloody conversation!

OP posts:

Original poster

susiemumof · 29/05/2012 17:48

Usually yes, he is a great dad and dh.

Am as about it as you.

Would maybe even understand it if he had commented right after I said about waiting till she was out school (taking it the wrong way or whatever) but it was later in the conversation and made no sense at all, apart from trying to make him look good

I obviously am really impressed

OP posts:

Original poster

susiemumof · 29/05/2012 17:49

He is home and we have the mutual silent treatment thing going on. FANTASTIC!

OP posts:

NicNocJnr · 29/05/2012 17:53

I didn't give a shit about the legality of it the only time I did it tbh.
It made him use his brain. I would equally have happily left him on his lonesome until apology but that is not fair on dcs to be hauled from their beds, as they would have had to have been with me.

I do think that the police will have short shrift with him (for whom else would call) to be called out to a guy that just needs to apologise for being a massive twat. I can't think that any but the most oblivious of arses would call the police in this situation. Absolutely fair do's if they are an innocent party. Sleep in the shed as far as I'm concerned, is it that hard to apologise? Mine did in record time and only stayed outside all night because he was pissed and fell asleep in the car v(he did not drive home).

NicNocJnr · 29/05/2012 17:55

Silent treatment? Ffs guilty much? Leave him to sulk. He really is not coming across brilliantly.

I wonder what he will say?

WorraLiberty · 29/05/2012 17:56

I imagine many people would call the police if someone locked them out of their own home when they'd done nothing illegal.

I mean yes, the guy's a twat...but I wouldn't encourage anyone to do something like that without knowing them and their DH personally.

If anything, Dad banging on the front door and having to call the Police would be very distressing for the children.

Obviously if he'd been violent or threatening etc...that would be a different matter.

IAmBooybilee · 29/05/2012 17:57

oh what a knob!

yes i agree with you OP it sounds liek he was showing off infront of his mates.

are there new mates on the scene or new colleagues or is this a rare occasion were he would talk to you infront of them? this would make me wonder how he talks about you to them.

my EX did similar sort of things a couple of times. stuff that at the time seemed really odd to me and i was and pulled him about it. he shrugged it off an said it was just joking but later on in teh relationship after some suspect behaviour i read hsi texts (i know i should have btw!) and found loads of texts to his friends blaming me for 'not letting him out' or being in a mood about things that i had no knowledge he ever wanted to go to! he had called me things like the moody cow, stroppy bitch, the boss???? the ball and chain, a sneaky bollocks. this was all stuff i had never heard. i could have understood it if we had had a row about him wanting to g out and me not wanting him to but he hadn't even mentioned these things to me yet there were all these messages slagging me off to his mates and his mates joining in and telling him to just tell me to fuck off and do what he wanted to do or to go and not tell me where he was going. we finished soon after that.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/05/2012 18:22

sounds like a total miscommunication to me.

I think that you should both grow up.

IAmBooybilee · 29/05/2012 18:31

ah boney. as contrary as ever i see.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/05/2012 18:37

booy

not particularly.

Instead of projecting and looking at the information given, its looks to me like she made a joke he made a joke, she sent a nasty text, then he sent one back.

Not talking to each other and locking someone out of the house is just childish and escalates it futher.

If there is futher background to this then fine.

Columbia999 · 29/05/2012 18:37

What part of "Piss off, you sarky cow" and "Go fuck yourself" is miscommunication, exactly?

Poulay · 29/05/2012 18:38

What did you say to him?

You "jokingly say why not wait till she is actually out school", sounds like you are aware that your tone was a bit off.

MeKathryn · 29/05/2012 18:38

I was wondering if he's misheard something if it came out of the blue. I have bad hearing and am always hearing things wrong!

If not then YANBU at all.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/05/2012 18:41

Columbia999

I'm not saying he is in the right, in fact I am saying that they are both being childish over this and need to grow up and talk to each other.

slowestwildebeast · 29/05/2012 18:43

why does op need to grow up? Stupid comment.
Yanbu. How strange of him. :(

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 18:44

Why are you calling your dh at work with trivial conversation and making arrangements for next day?

Are you a bit needy and controlling?

Want2bSupermum · 29/05/2012 18:47

First comment is that the silent treatment doesn't change behaviour. I would wait for the kids to get to bed and then sit him down for a chat and tell him in a very calm voice that you are upset that he has such little respect for you and that he needs to apologise. Don't go on and I suggest you leave the room after you say your piece if your OH doesn't start to apologise. If this happens tell him you are leaving the room because you want him to think about his behaviour and how he would feel if your DD was spoken to like that in the future.

Second comment is that you said you were talking about trivial stuff. Has anyone at work made comments to him about you calling him at work? I never call DH at work unless it is an emergency. We email each other instead. I find this far more efficient and others are not disturbed.

Original poster

susiemumof · 29/05/2012 18:47

We often call each other during the day with trivial stuff, both have free minutes so it's something we both do.

I dont see it as strange and I am not needy!

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 29/05/2012 18:48

Could he have been joking and then taken umbrage because you didn't "get" the joke?

maras2 · 29/05/2012 18:49

Not very helpful Quint < again >.

Original poster

susiemumof · 29/05/2012 18:51

Also its not just me who does this, my friends husbands work in the same place and they also call each other during the day.

Though there are about 600 working there so not likely any of them were in the same room. Most likely the younger guys he was infront off.

OP posts:

whackamole · 29/05/2012 18:54

Me and OH talk to each other during the day, it breaks up the monotony of a work day (for him) and my time with the kids!

The first 'sarky cow' thing, I think I would probably have thought how strange, maybe texted him something like you did - the fact that he replied to go fuck yourself what a bastard. I think that is probably the worst thing someone could say to their significant other, aside from maybe calling them a cunt.

It just seems so much worse than a general 'fuck off' to me.

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 18:56

QuintessentialShadows · 29/05/2012 18:57

He was extremely rude. In response to you being sarcastic. You are both as bad as the other, and you have lost any moral high-ground by texting, so you might as well apologize.

Maybe he just took a while to realize that you in fact were sarcastic, and that is why the conversation carried on as normal for a bit.

minimisschief · 29/05/2012 20:06

maybe stop being sarcastic as it is obviously getting to him. And i guarantee everyone in the thread has name called while angry so dont listen to the crap about he should never talk to you like that.

wrong on both sides

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