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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be a tad jealous of the private school I work for....

19 replies

scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 16:22

we moved back to the UK a few months ago after a few years abroad and I put my kids in the local school, the one nearest to home. I didn't have much choice given it wa a very later application, plus I knew nothing about any schools in the area, so I didn't really care as long as it wasn't too far. Almost at the end of the year now and I feel very lucky, the school is absolutely lovely, the teachers are hard working and going the extra mile, there are always little events either for fun or for fundraising purposes that the kids love. I have seen my children flourish and I can't think of anything more I could ask for from their school.

However.... for the ast 3 months I have an admin job in a local private prep school (that's posh fro primary Wink ). And I can't help feeling a little bit jealous. I could never ever even dream of being able to afford the fees for my kids. But what with the beautiful setting, the brilliant facilities, the sports, the art opportunities, the playground equipment, the on site swimming pool... Would my children benefit from it academically in the long run? I am not sure. I actually doubt it but to me a school is much more than academic, especially in the young ages.

I am not dissappointed in any way of the school my children attend, but WIBU to admit that if I could afford it I would put my kids in the school I work in? Or do I have to maintain that state schools are as good as private schools because I can't afford one?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/05/2012 16:26

What is this MN obsession with private/state schools lately?

but WIBU to admit that if I could afford it I would put my kids in the school I work in? Or do I have to maintain that state schools are as good as private schools because I can't afford one?

No, just admit it and move on.

manicinsomniac · 29/05/2012 16:26

Is it just coincidence that you've posted this today?

Giving you the benefit of the doubt .... no, YANBU. You're allowed to feel the way you do.

scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 16:32

why manic, what is it today? Confused

OP posts:
KellyElly · 29/05/2012 16:33

FFS - enough of these threads please!

scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 16:38

eerrr... I am truly confused by the responses.. I ashould probably have a look at the aother threads.. But thanks anyway. Next time I will accustom my thoughts to the most recent MN threads!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 29/05/2012 16:44

sorry if you hadn't seen the other one.

There is a big thread about whether it is okay to feel jealous and upset that you can't afford a private school. Then there are about 4 threads that sparked off that.

So I wondered if you were stirring.

Carry on!

DogEared · 29/05/2012 16:48

I have always wondered what a prep school meant. I knew it was posh... So thank you for explaining that. :o
YANBU for feeling anything but keep in mind that your children are happy. :)

scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 16:48

yes, I have just seen them and feel very Blush that I started this one... On the other hand. people don't have to respond in order to say they don't want to respond, do they? Confused (not aimed at you manic)

OP posts:
scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 16:49

thanks Dog, I suppose I can't let this devour me, it'll be the same with exensive clothes, concerts, holidays etc.. As long as they're happy etc... (keep repeating that to myself)

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 29/05/2012 16:50

if you see other dc enjoying facilities your dc do not have at school, I think it is natural to wish you could afford the same for your dc but I don't see what can be done about it tbh

eurochick · 29/05/2012 18:27

My husband went to prep school and then a very expensive boarding school in a stately home. He took me to see it a few years ago. It was amazing. The sports facilities in particular were superb and I was amazed that they were given their school books to keep rather than being loaned them for the year and that sort of thing. I went to a state grammar that was academically strong but just couldn't offer what that place could in terms of extra-curricular activities.

We both turned out ok. We both have professional jobs and earn decent salaries (although I out-earn him by a reasonable amount) and have a nice life. FWIW I did far better academically than he did, although I would say we are similarly intelligent. I do feel that I missed out on sport though. I hated school PE and only discovered at university that I was a decent swimmer. By that age I was too old to compete seriously. Who knows what else I might have been good at if I had been given the opportunity to try more sports.

tinkerbel72 · 29/05/2012 18:53

Oh good grief. Lots of us turned out ok from state comps you know. Some of us even have real proper professional careers!

exoticfruits · 29/05/2012 19:06

Well said tinkerbel72!
There are lots of threads like this at the moment. You can't afford it. 93% of the population can't afford it. Make the most of what you do have and don't even think about it.

wordfactory · 29/05/2012 19:10

OP it's perfectly undertsnable to feel the way you do!

I defy any parent not to have had similar thoughts about somehting that they were unable to give their DC. I often look longingly at DC with their GPs living lcose by and wish my DC had that wonderful luxury.

But it really isn't worth beating yourself up about, if there's nowt you can do to change it Wink. So acknolwdge your feelings are natural and then be kind to yourself and move on.

Coconutty · 29/05/2012 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 29/05/2012 19:17

There are lots of things that I would like if I had more money but there is no point in thinking 'if I win the lottery.....' and moving on. And since I don't buy tickets it is hardly likely!
Concentrate on what you do have. The grass isn't always greener anyway.

exoticfruits · 29/05/2012 19:18

Sorry -thinking 'beyond'...... should have gone in.

scatteredbraincells · 29/05/2012 20:46

heh exotic, I'm a lottery ticket junkie, have always been and it's got nothing to do with schools.
I had a long hard think about it and I think what with me having been unemployed for so long and dh being a student things are tight at the moment and I do tend to focus subconsciously on what I can't offer my kids. if we were a bit more comfortable (I don't mean rich, just being able to maybe have chicken twice a week) it probably wouldn't bother me.
But it's not forever, he finishes in Dec and has a job waiting...

Every time I'm pissed off with my car because I feel it's going to fall apart while I'm it, I remind myself of the time when we couldn't afford a car and had to cycle the kids to school in a bike trailer. Only a mile, but very steep. At least I got nice thighs.

right, I'm obviously rambling now so I shall stop. It must be this boxed wine...

OP posts:
LisasCat · 29/05/2012 21:50

I also work at a very expensive prep school, and know exactly how you feel. If money were no problem at all and we could afford the fees without even noticing a dip in the bank account, I'd love to send my DDs there.

However, being on the inside, I also see the way they piss money up the walls. Some of the things that go through on my budget would make you sob if you knew your fees had gone towards that. So if I were able to afford it but only by making huge sacrifices elsewhere I wouldn't. As it is it hell would freeze over before we could even think about affording it, so I don't have to agonize over the decision!

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