To not put my DS in a suit as the bride requested?

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Brother and SIL due to marry in two weeks.

It's quite a small informal wedding. I am bridesmaid along with SIL sister. Then my DD and my niece are wearing matching dresses as informal flower girls.

My son and my nephew are almost the same age and although they aren't formal page boys or anything they were going to match too. SIL bought them matching waist coats and cravets and I thought we would look together for the rest but she has ordered a suit jacket and trousers in black. I don't think I can afford it. I've looked on eBay but couldn't see anything and looking online has shown that I just don't think I have the money to do this.

I thought we would maybe get then matching trousers or something and have budgeted low for them. But the whole suit is going to push me to the edge considering the dress she picked was way over my budget despite my brother offering half. It's what I was hoping to spend on the whole outfit. I still have to buy shoes and sharing underwear as I'm fat curvy and the cut of the dress isn't something I am comfortable in (it is lovely though) plus it needs taking up by about 6 inches which I'll have to do myself because I can't afford it. And make up. And don't even get me started on hair stuff for me and DD!

So, AIBU to just put my son in smart trousers? Will he even wear the jacket for more then 2 minutes - especially in this heat?

And will I get shot if I let him wear bright blue bumper boots because there is no way I can afford shoes too?

Oh yes please!

Perfect size for him too :)

I'll pm you :o

Thanks so much!

What I would do is pretend u had a jacket and ds spilt something on it/ u burnt whilst ironing and that's y he has everything but jacket. He will prob need new shoes in sept could you get some not too snug that u might b able to use in sept?

It makes me sad that your so-to-be SIL can be so blind as to how tough things are you. I'd just tell her that what with all the stuff you've already bought for the day and the possible house move you don't have a lot of spare cash floating about, "so I hope you understand why I'm just going to get these trousers from asda instead". Maybe spring for Marksies instead if you're feeling generous. You're basically paying for all the nice "touches" that she's dreamed about but can't do on her budget. Not cool.

I would just do your own thing-sounds fine to me.

Glad you've got shoes sorted, I was going to offer you ds's that he wore or dsis' wedding at the weekend, but they're only a size 7. As for the suit, only buy what you can afford!

Wait, what? You are paying for your bridesmaids dress, shoes, undies, etc? Before even getting to the subject of your son's suit, I don't really think this is right. I'm going to be a bridesmaid for someone close to me soon, and she is paying for everything, as she doesn't believe it should cost any of us to be a part of her wedding.

Now, I am aware not everyone can afford to pay for everything, but then maybe they should lower their expectations, and not insist on the matchy-matchy suits, etc (disclaimer: this probably causes me irrational anger, as this is exactly what DP's brother and his wife did, and it cost us a bloody fortune).

On a more practical level, defo look for cheaper smart trousers and shoes in any of the supermarkets / on ebay (a friend's DP got his wedding suit on ebay, and it was fantastic). Ebay can be really great for such things. Also, your DS will be a child, in a suit, in the heat - the jacket would be whipped off in no time anyway.

Finally, I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I really hope things get better for you soon.

Blinkered bride!! (Says I after coming onto Mumsnet as ive driven myself nuts trying to find the right shade of apricot for my bridesmaids hairclips....really, will anyone give two flying figs??!?)

Honestly, do what youve got to do - because on the day I very much doubt she'll be too worried that the 2 little boys arent matching....(if she does, she really is missing the point of the day!)

And for what it is worth I think its outrageous that youre having to pay for all this.......just because its unofficial does not make it a "get out" clause for them to do what is right.

I don't think YABU at all, but it would be unreasonable not to let her know there's a problem with lots of notice, so that she can decide how she prefers to deal with it, i.e. pay for the outfit herself, or agree to a different outfit. Have you looked on Ebay?

YANBU at all. I have read your other thread and quite frankly the fact that you are prepared to go at all with what else is going on in your life is amazing. What a lovely sister you must be.

Am at bit shocked at you paying for your own dress, shoes, etc. Not what most people do.

Definitely go for the most budget option, but perhaps discuss so that she has chance to offer to pay if its important to her.

Pumpkin yellow and purple at one wedding?

If she's adamant that people look a certain way then she should pay for it. I'm paying for my BM dresses because I want that to be the same, but I'm too skint to buy them shoes as well. So beyond having a general preference re colour I don't feel I have final say there.

I think it's a bit off to start spending other people's money for them, especially when times are hard. Hopefully your sister will understand.