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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be disappointed for ds regarding his godmother?

15 replies

fullofregrets · 29/05/2012 12:41

DS is three tomorrow. When he was born I asked one of my close friends if she would like to be godmother. I have known her a number of years and when she was younger she was often selfish and would think nothing of lying and letting others down. However, in her early twenties she seemed to grow up and we became very close friends.
About six months after DS was born she met a new boyfriend and reverted to her previous self. And of course I get that she was in the first exciting part of a relationship but she started to make plans and then cancel at the last minute if her boyfriend became free, which was annoying as I only get a few child free hours a week and could see another friend if had not made plans with her.
She let me down in a number of ways such as not contacting me or answering my calls when my dad was ill, which she knew from a mutual friend. Yet whenever she split up with her boyfriend, which was frequently, she would expect immediate support and for everyone to be available. She isn't just like this with me. It is with everyone.
Anyway I was really regretting asking her to be godmother but it isn't the sort of thing you can retract is it? On his christening she wrote a note making a number of promises to my DS, mins of which she has kept. She has forgotten his birthday. Again. And never wants to see him. In fact she will only see me if I don't have him with me.

AIBU to be so annoyed? I really wish she'd just said no when I asked her to be gm if she actively didn't ever want to set eyes on my child as it would appear.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 29/05/2012 12:42

sorry but I bet there are loads of rubbish godparents around.

fullofregrets · 29/05/2012 12:43

none of which, not mins of which!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 29/05/2012 12:44

God what a cow, i would drop her like a hot potato. Why you made so much effort on her is beyond me. She is no friend, and a sorry excuse for a godmother

fullofregrets · 29/05/2012 12:46

I think it is that she doesn't even want to sew him. I appreciate she doesnt want to see him all the time and it is nice to see friends without him anyway sometimes for adult company. But never? And she went on and on about how she'd made him something herself for Christmas and then she apparently accidentally gave it to someone else. I know she was lying to save herself from getting DS anything. Why lie? Does she think I'm stupid? It would appear so.

OP posts:
fullofregrets · 29/05/2012 12:46

see. Bloody phone. Glad she doesn't want to sew him!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 29/05/2012 12:51

why the hell are you friends with her Hmm.

Longdistance · 29/05/2012 12:58

She does sound like a sorry excuse for a friend, and godmother.
My bestfriend is godmother to both my dd's, and has never not forgotten their Birthdays. Has taken them on days out, and spoilt them rotten in general.
I'm sorry that she has turned out this way, but maybe she needs a huge nudge from you, in reminding her that it's ur ds Birthday, and the promise she made.
A really big shove should surfice!

TwoPeasOnePod · 29/05/2012 13:01

Ah thats a shame, but I don't think you should feel guilty. People do change over time, and often they don't live up to what we expect from them (sometimes the most basic things, like seeing their close friends child)

My oldest friend, whom I have always assumed is my 'best' friend (most important to me) who I have known since I was 4/5, is very odd with me lately. i have 3DC, youngest 8wks, and she has seen him once. She made cupcakes etc for a friend who i would consider to be 'less important' to her than me when the friend had a baby (I KNOW how petty that makes me sound....) But it upset me. So goodness knows how you must be feeling, with your friend seemingly snubbing your child.

Her being GM isn't binding you together for life, and I'm sure you have other friends who do show genuine interest in your DC? Maybe focus on them. I have now given up ALWAYS being the one to suggest meeting up with my friend I mentioned earlier, not to be passive-aggressive or anything, but to protect myself from being hurt. It still bloody hurts though, I am worried we have grown apart, we live very different lifestyles. Maybe that's the case for you too?

MidWeekSlump · 29/05/2012 13:02

I think this is the chance you take when you ask non family to be god parents. It has happened to us too. People just get busy with their lives and forget. (Actually we have some family godparents who are also pretty shitty.)

It's hard to imagine at the time who will end up being around for the long haul - but I also regret sone of our godparent choices :(

TwoPeasOnePod · 29/05/2012 13:05

Just to add- if your DC haven't had much bonding time with their godparents, it most likely won't adversely affect them that you accidentally picked people who have let you all down. It will just be you who bears the upset {sad}

ivanapoo · 29/05/2012 13:05

Don't regret your choice, you thought it was right at the time. It is disappointing but many children don't keep in touch with their GPs.

I think this has more to do with her friendship than her role as GM.

I never had GPs and don't feel like I missed out at all btw.

TwoPeasOnePod · 29/05/2012 13:06

aagh (sad) even!!

TwoPeasOnePod · 29/05/2012 13:06

ok my smiley face jobbys aren't working ;)

fullofregrets · 29/05/2012 13:09

To be honest I'd have been upset with het attitude even if she hadn't been gm. The fact she is makes it worse.
She is still with this bf on and off and it seems that basically she is only interested in him. She was like this in her teens with boys but I thought she had grown out of it! I understand she wants to spend a lot of time with him, but it is extremely annoying when she makes plans with me when he is busy or they have split up and then cancels if he becomes free or they get back together.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 29/05/2012 13:11

longdistance, my dd godmother sounds lke yours. She or rather her and her dh are fantastic with dd, never forget birthdays/Christmas, take dd out a couple of times a month, always there to help as dd has sn. DD godparents havew always helped throughout, they are wonderful, we will ask them to be ds godparents when we have him Baptised. It is sad you have such a sorry excuse for a godmother for you ds

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