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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel that my baby now hates me!

19 replies

Voyageofdiscovery · 29/05/2012 10:09

My 13 month DS has just started nursery and after an awful start where he cried all the time he now seems to be getting better and adjusting to it.

But since he has started nursery he has started to reject me or at least it feels like that! Before we had a very close fun relationship, now he barely looks at me, doesnt smile at me, always wants his daddy, won't settle for me. It makes me feels utterly miserable and that I've damaged our bond. I lavish attention on him when he's not in nursery but this doesn't seem to make a difference.

Aibu to want to stop him going to nursery even though I need to work??

OP posts:

scuzy · 29/05/2012 10:10

yabu. its a phase. stick with it. he has only just started but you have my sympathies.

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 29/05/2012 10:12

It's a phase...a really crappy one...but a phase nonetheless :)

Original poster

Voyageofdiscovery · 29/05/2012 10:16

How long do these phases last?!

OP posts:

FanjoForTheMammasaurus · 29/05/2012 10:18

Toddlers go through these phases and I'm sure it's nothing to do with nursery..my DD is delayed as she has SN but she had this exact phase recently, wouldn't engage with me, only wanted daddy, seemed to last a long time but now she won't stop cuddling me..DH was quite miffed when it started :) It will pass and soon you will be flavour of the month :)

SarahBumBarer · 29/05/2012 10:18

How often is he at nursery compard to the time you can spend with him?

Mrsjay · 29/05/2012 10:21

Yabu a little i can see why you feel a bit hurt though your baby doesnt hate you your baby is becoming a bit more independent thats all , exploring the world try and not fret

Original poster

Voyageofdiscovery · 29/05/2012 10:25

He does 3 full days, although I try to pick him up early. I then take him to the park so he has fun with me after nursery.

I think he blames me for taking him to nursery. But then maybe that thinking is too sophiscated for a 13 month old!

OP posts:

FanjoForTheMammasaurus · 29/05/2012 10:43

i think it probably is a bit sophisticated and you are projecting the feelings onto him as you feel a bit guilty about nursery..just keep on having fun with him when you are with him and it will pass :)

SarahBumBarer · 29/05/2012 11:32

Some of it does sound like guilt. DH and I do tag-team parenting although we try to have "handover"/family days on Sundays and Wednesdays. If we don't have them then DS is definitely "off" with the absent parent on the first day that he then spends with them after being with the other for 3 days solid. 13 months is a older than many to be starting nursery - as in he will be more aware of the change in his life than childrens who have started much younger - give him a bit of time. He does not hate you, nursery will almost certainly be good for him and he will hopefully come to love it and you will be on here asking does my baby hate me because he runs in to nursery without a backward glance. FWIW - we always take DS to nursery exactly as they are serving breakfast - nothing like the lure of food to make sure he is happy to be there!

squeakytoy · 29/05/2012 11:34

dont worry, one day he will be a teenager and will hate you both equally

but seriously, a 13 month old does not "blame you"....

Original poster

Voyageofdiscovery · 29/05/2012 11:44

Haha yea no doubt when he's a teenager I'll be used to the rejection!

Perhaps I'll get DH to take him to nursery sometimes so he doesn't give associate it with me

OP posts:

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 29/05/2012 11:56

Voyage that's exactly what I was going to suggest!

bobbledunk · 29/05/2012 12:46

It's probably just a phase, mine plays favourites, one week I'm the centre of her universe, next its dp and she doesn't want to know me. Babies can be weird, no point in worrying about it.

Sallyingforth · 29/05/2012 12:56

Leave the bastard!

edit: sorry - wrong thread

BlackOutTheSun · 29/05/2012 12:58

I think its a stage, my 14 month old has become a daddys little girl.

She screamed at me yesterday because I tried to pick her up from her dads lap. I'm a sahm so I doubt its the nursery

MonaLotte · 29/05/2012 14:04

It's most certainly a phase. DS2 has been a Daddy's boy since about 12 months and now (20 months) gives me loads more attention. He likes to sit with me for cuddles now, which is something he never used to want/need.
Give it some time, it's a big transition for both of you. In a couple of months time you will wonder what you were so worried about.

oooohhhhyes · 29/05/2012 14:08

My dd went through this stage, only wanted daddy, cried when I picked her up even, it was after ds was born and she was 16mo. At the time I thought it was change that had triggered it, but it soon passed, she got over the phase and she is definitely her mummy's girl now :)

Original poster

Voyageofdiscovery · 29/05/2012 14:17

Thanks for all your replies-hopefully it is just a phase, a short phase!

OP posts:

ScampiFriesRuleOK · 31/05/2012 15:41

My DS is 12 months and started nursery a month ago. He is completely non-plussed now when he sees me after an absence, although he still goes bananas with excitement at seeing his dad, even after just a few minutes away from him.

It's really hurtful to see your baby ignoring you when you imagined a fantastic reunion cuddle. I too thought he hated me, until I read this thread.

Phew.

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