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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that someone posting for help and support

56 replies

BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 22:16

should not have every post they have ever made trawled through and scrutinised so that others can prove themselves right?

If a thread you are reading seems implausible or suspect, so you search the OP and throw comments in that they made before? Or do you take it at face value?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/05/2012 22:49

Yeah, I take your point. I just think at the moment it does not seem to be a huge problem compared to the over-keen deletions.

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 22:51

I think past posts get scrutinised whenever there is an inconsistency or doubt about the OP being genuine. This is not a problem in itself, but when the OP has previous comments "thrown" at them, I don't feel it's particularly helpful, even if the OP turns out to be a troll.

OP posts:
Whatnamethistime · 28/05/2012 22:51

Im in the middle of a horrendous time, I frequently name change and change details of our lives, I deliberately make changes to DCs ages etc, doesnt mean the underlying issues isnt the same, just that I am terrified of being outed while needing some support.

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 22:52

LRD - I hadn't thought of it that way, fair point.

OP posts:
BawdyStrumpet · 28/05/2012 22:52

Bumping, I never get this argument. This is the internet. MN is not the be all/end all of sources of advice. I was given a really hard time the first time I posted. The advice was hard to take, but was probably right. MN is not fluffy bunny territory!

TooManyOddSocks · 28/05/2012 22:53

I agree Bawdy.
I think often it is obvious when a poster namechangers to moan about yet more problems with another new man or another financial crisis but if they have nc'd then I tend to respect that. If they post under the same name then I think it can help to have the back story in order to give the the most appropriate advice.

DollysDrawers · 28/05/2012 22:53

I can't be doing with nit picking. though I get why some do it if they remember something significant I suppose. I never remember anything so it doesn't bother me and I do understand why people may change things slightly ve avoid being recognised in real life.

BawdyStrumpet · 28/05/2012 22:54

Whatname, so in your case, you could easily explain that on a thread where it was called into question?

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 22:56

Whatname - I see what you mean, you are probably one who would be vulnerable in the situation I'm describing.

OP posts:
Whatnamethistime · 28/05/2012 22:56

bawdy, once the troll accusations start flying, then usually thats the end of any thread.

TooManyOddSocks · 28/05/2012 22:57

I don't think I would pull someone up on the fact they posted that they had a 7yr old DS but then 2 months later changed it to 9yr old DD. That would be nitpicking.
But asking the OP if they really could trust their DP based on the OPs past threads I think is ok, as long as it is not done in a sniping way.

Whatnamethistime · 28/05/2012 22:58

tbf youd have a job to keep track of my name changes, even I cant remember them!!!!

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 22:58

Bawdy - I was not suggesting it was fluffy bunny territory, nor would I want it to be. Fairness is all I'm suggesting.

OP posts:
TooManyOddSocks · 28/05/2012 22:59

Whatname But if you nc regularly and change any identifying details then no-one could look up your back story anyway.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/05/2012 23:04

Mmm. The only times think it's ok to pull up details are when it's relevant. Problem is 'relevant' is subjective. If I posted saying I had a 7 year old DD struggling with dyslexia, and the next month I (wanting to preserve my anonymity) said she was 6, some people would find the age had stuck in their mind because it could, conceivably, be quite relevant to their advice. Others would say mentioning it was nitpicking.

I think it's a lot more common to see dubious situations like that that a clear cut 'OMG, your DD is a different age, you must be a troll!'.

Or maybe I just steer clear of exciting threads?

BawdyStrumpet · 28/05/2012 23:04

I think people get lulled in to some false sense of security - that it is all lovely here and people will help with their problems. And that is true to a degree, and most fab it is too. But then they forget that this is the INTERNET and any bugger can read what they have written and compare it to what they wrote last week etc etc. And then people get UPSET by that.....

sososohard · 28/05/2012 23:05

There was a time, many moons ago, when I was a fairly regular poster.

Someone lovely decided to drag up and quote posts I had made, 5/6 YEARS (and numerous name changes) PREVIOUSLY

Apart from the fact someone remembering my name changes for that long totally freaked me out (bloody terrified me in fact), life had moved on.

One poster whose ID I cant remember, then went on to berate me - for those 5/6 year old posts and how I had ignored her advice.

Interestingly, I had pm'd that poster, under a name change, and thanked her as her advice had helped and she didnt have clue who I was.

BawdyStrumpet · 28/05/2012 23:06

LRD, but it most unlikely in the vast majority of normal threads that any one would pull you on a detail like that.

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 23:07

Hmm, you're all being very reasonable Smile

Perhaps I'm not? I suppose I just fear for those who are vulnerable and get a bit of a pasting if their story doesn't add up, for whatever reason.

I guess there's no right or wrong answer here.

OP posts:
Whatnamethistime · 28/05/2012 23:09

Toomany, problem is, sometimes I forget to change back, then I out my own name changes.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/05/2012 23:10

bawdy - yes, I agree it's unlikely, but I don't think pulling people up does happen much, does it? I've not honestly seen a lot of it and what I have seen, mostly seems to be of that very easily-explained kind, rather than maliciousness.

Now, 'subtle' comments about goats, those I have seen.

TooManyOddSocks · 28/05/2012 23:11

LRD See I wouldn't pick up on that, I would assume it was a typo or you were trying to be unidentifiable.
Maybe I am reading this thread wrong. I have no desire to try and catch anyone out nor to troll hunt except in extreme cases but sometimes what a poster has written previously does make a difference to what advice they should be given, and on that basis I think it is ok to say to say "hang on, you said last week that your DP/H/B/F/whatever was behaving like this, so therefore the logical conclusion is that they are still behaving like this and you shouldn't dismiss it so easily.
Does that make sense? please say it does Grin

Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 23:12

I suppose I've just been on a few threads in the last week or so where this sort of thing has happened, so it's perhaps my experience, rather than it being a common occurrence.

OP posts:
Original poster
BumpingFuglies · 28/05/2012 23:14

LRD I get what you're saying. I feel that there are a minority who would like to "catch out" the OP or "prove" that they are trolling. I have felt like this myself.

OP posts:
TooManyOddSocks · 28/05/2012 23:15

Whatname I have done that before. Grin Luckily MNHQ deleted me (at my request) very quickly, though to be honest other people seeing just one post by "me" that was message withdrawn at posters request I think made it pretty obvious that I was also the Op. However the advice I got was so invaluable that it was totally worth it.