Would i be unreasonable to say this, or just a bit precious

[flynn80]

Was talking to my aunty at the weekend who is a smoker, she smokes outside her home at all times and has probably 4-5 a day. her daughter (my cousin, new mum to a 3 month old) was telling me how she wont let her mum hold the baby when shes been smoking, as the baby can still smell the smoke on her clothes and breath it in.

id never actually thought of that before, im due in the next few weeks and my in laws are both heavy smokers, they started smoking outside there house yet as i and dp sont smoke we can always smell it on people or items that are covered in smoke, dont think id want my baby breathing that in either.

would i be unreasonable to say to them they cant hold the baby with smoke all over them, or am i just concerned about nothing? really dont know as i was brought up by my nan who chainsmoked constantly, i still have asthma now so dont know if that was a factor or not?

YANBU. FIL smokes, a lot, which worried us when DD was born.

We presented the guidelines as, "We saw the midwife/HV/whatever today & they told us - we didn't realise it has to be that strict or it raises the risk of cot death! We had no idea!"

• so kind of like you're discovering the info together, rather than telling them what to do, IYSWIM? Puts the burden of any perceived unreasonableness onto the midwife/HV rather than you. Worked for us & didn't cause offence.

pendeen and dalliard you need to reread the OP, it was the 4-5 cig auntie who brought up the topic but the OP is concerned about her chain smoking inlaws the future GPs.

OP, I would def risk grumpy GPs for the sake of a newborns health and lung development. If they don't agree, no cuddles. Betcha they soon come round to your way of thinking ..... Maybe you could arrange for them to visit when your midwife or HV is there (after you have discussed this with whichever HCP you chose and checked they are on board) to back you up .... I found being backed up by someone official in uniform made all the difference to being taken seriously .... not about smoking, another issue but it helped to dispel the " oh she's just being precious"

pomtastic took so long to type, you beat me to it! Great minds ....

The closeness / value of the relationship is important whether it's in-laws or aunt so my answer remains the same but to clarify, YANBU it's your baby but still being a bit precious.

The suggestion of leaving it for a while is probably the best compromise.

My father used to smoke, but would hold off for as long as possible if we were round with the baby, and then after dinner he couldn't wat any longer and would need one, outside. I wouldn't let him near our boy after a fag, and we used to make ourselves scarce at about the point when he had to light up.

He has now quit and things are much easier. I didn't have to kick off, but our actions made it clear.

My brother smokes, so we don't take the boy to his house.

I also don't want my boy to grow up seeing people he respects smoking, I would rather he thinks it is not a good thing to do. Seeing granddad or an uncle smoking may give him the impression it's ok.

I don't think it's precious at all, the baby's lungs are small and brand new, they shouldnt be subjected to toxic smoke. It sticks terribly to everything, and most of the smoke is invisible. I think you can have whatever no smoking rules you like about your baby.

YANBU at all. In fact, "third hand" smoke poses quite a danger. See here.

My BIL took offence when I wouldn't let him hold baby DD1, but I explained the risks and he was fine about it after that. In fact, it was one of the questions I asked when I went to look at nurseries. I chose one where the staff could not smoke during the working day, and were not allowed to smoke in their work uniforms.

Print off some of the reports on the links between SIDS and smoking, and show them to your MIL. It's hard when the older generation takes a "did us no harm" line, but I always try to remind them that research is done for a reason...

Good luck with your new baby!

Oooo you've potentially just opened up a whole new can of worms for me, it's not something I'd even thought about but I guess since MIL smokes and DC1 should be here very soon it's something I better think about. Has anyone gotten links to factual information about the affects of smoke absorbed into clothes on young children?

toomuch, happy to be corrected but I've rre-read and can't understand what you're saying. Can you explain?

There is no proof that "third hand smoke" is any danger whatever. Dr. Jonathan P. Winickoff's "study" was nothing more than a telephone poll asking random people leading questions about smoking. It is relevant that he is connected to several anti-smoking consortiums, and this link is one of several I have found debunking his study about "third hand smoke".

There is plenty of evidence regarding the dangers of both smoking and passive smoking, and I have always banned smoking in my house and around my children.

However, until a study confirms that toxins are actually present on people who smoke, rather than assume that just because you smell something it must be dangerous, I will not get het up about a smell lingering on someone's clothing.

You might find your baby decides for you as my parents arrived at the ward reeking of smoke, mum tried to hold ds and he took a few breaths and yelled and wriggled. It's the smoke, I said, and took him away... After that, I just said smoke is bad for the baby, they do know- its not a secret smoking is bad for you and others! At their house, I kept it short, and didn't stay over unless at least the lounge was smoke free:)

Dartsagain better get het up then

I hate the smell of smoke on people; if I can smell it I expect baby can and don't want to expose him to such a horrid acrid smell that may be harmful. The same goes for people wearing strong perfume - it makes me sneeze so don't want my baby to be subjected to it either.

Didn't let DH near the baby till he had changed top, brushed teeth and washed hands - for at least 6m. He still does this when he remembers

YANBU

YANBU

If you google it - I think they recommend 20 mins after a fag and also have washed hands b4 holding a baby.

my grandad smoked.. he died when I was 3 (non smoking related) and I am so glad I can remember cuddles from him, and yes, he smelt a bit of his pipe or cigarettes...