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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to not have a spray tan?

27 replies

GetTheeToANunnery · 28/05/2012 08:18

I'm a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding soon. I've already had comments that I should try lose a bit of weight before the event (always been a size 10 but recently gone up to 12-14, I think she actually thinks she's being helpful by saying this), I need to make sure my hair looks nice with no roots (I dye my blonde hair brown but sometimes leave it a bit longer between dyes than she would like ) and now I have to have a spray tan before the event.
We're both naturally pale but she prefers the orange look, whereas I prefer my natural colouring.
I don't want to end up orange, I don't want a list of things I have to change about myself. Is this normal for a bride to have these demands?
I thought making sure my hair looked good was a no brainier, I'm not stupid enough to turn up with it in a mess.

OP posts:

cuttingpicassostoenails · 28/05/2012 08:22

If you do have a spray tan will you go for the deep mahogany, the antique pine or the good old stained plywood look?

PS...YANBU

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 28/05/2012 08:23

YANBU, but if she's paying I'd go for it.

Glitterkitten24 · 28/05/2012 08:27

YANBU she sounds like she's having a bit of a bridezilla moment!

That said, I would go ahead and have the tan done - if you have nothing and the others have tans then you will look super pale next to them in the photos and things.
You can get a nice subtle one, it doesn't need to be mahogany!

Morloth · 28/05/2012 08:31

YANBU, not a chance I would be getting a spray tan for any reason, it looks weird even the 'good' ones.

I had my hair done and wore whatever dress was asked of me back in my bridesmaid days. That was about as far as I was willing to go as far as how I looked like.

Morloth · 28/05/2012 08:32

If the others have one and the OP doesn't she won't look pale, they will look orange.

Original poster

GetTheeToANunnery · 28/05/2012 08:32

Thing is, I'm the only bridesmaid and it's a very small wedding so I won't look out of place with my normal look.
I've never had a spray tan, can you actually get subtle ones? I've seen my friends have them and they end up very tanned. I'm scared it'll look weird on me.

OP posts:

lilbreeze · 28/05/2012 08:37

I would refuse to have a spray tan personally - it's so not me that I would feel ridiculous. How about telling her you will book a hairdresser appointment for a week before the wedding but that you're uncomfortable with the idea of a spray tan? (Or if you have very sensitive skin like me you could use that as an excuse!)

As for the weight loss, I wouldn't dignify that with a response!

AKissIsNotAContract · 28/05/2012 08:39

You can get subtle spray tans, I've had one. But if you don't want one you shouldn't be made to feel bad for it. And the weight comments are just nasty.

oopslateagain · 28/05/2012 08:47

I'm one of a group of four friends, one got married a few years ago and only had young flower girls (we are all old quite mature ). The bride was having a spray tan as it was a very early summer wedding and we were all sporting legs like bottles of milk; we all went for a tan in the end, as after the bride had hers the rest of us looked like we'd been in a dark room for the past decade.

We all went for the 'light' version, which actually was a very slight tint and didn't look orange at all. Please note: we let the bride be the 'guinea pig' to see what colour it would be. We are good friends, we are.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 28/05/2012 08:48

OP yes you can have subtle ones...you need to ask around to see who is good...and choose fake bake...they can look nice..I am very pale and had to have one for a wedding too, I was surprised at how decent it looked.

I had to exfoliate for a whole week beforehand tho as I have very dry skin and didn't want to be patchy.

Do the prep before you have it....if you do....and you'll be fine. See it as an experience.

Bagofholly · 28/05/2012 08:50

A good false tan is very very flattering and fat looks better browned. You can get subtle tones, you don't have to go Amy Childs. Well worth doing especially if you're like me and your natural skin tone is this --->

Defo get your roots done too. You want to look your best don't you?

confusedpixie · 28/05/2012 08:51

YADNBU.

My sister tried this one with me last year for her wedding. I was okay with not dying my hair (usually red, the dresses were red so I withheld!), I was okay with caking on makeup even though my face was orange in the end, I was fine with being made to have a manicure and growing my nails for it, I was even okay with the comments about my weight (I fit nicely into a 10! As does my sister but she forces herself into 8's whilst my younger sister is a natural 6-8). But I was not okay with spray tanning and refused to get it done. I told my sister I'd rather not be a bridesmaid because it goes completely against who I am and surely she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. And surely it shouldn't matter if you were pale next to tanned people?! That's diversity for you!

rogersmellyonthetelly · 28/05/2012 08:52

Yanbu not to want to be orange, but if you have fake bake you can ask them just to put half the normal amount in, I had my first spray tan last october for a holiday and didn't want the tango look, I ended up just slightly sun kissed and it was perfect

Rilson · 28/05/2012 08:57

YANBU.

Pale and interesting is better than orange and laughable. I have no idea if there are subtle tans but looks like there are people here who can point you in the right direction.

Original poster

GetTheeToANunnery · 28/05/2012 09:02

I do want to look my best bagofholly, I would have made sure my hair looks great for the day anyway, just thought it was patronising to be told by her.
I think I'm just letting myself get wound up by her bridezilla-ness. We were talking about my own wedding and she wound me up so much by insulting my best friend and telling me I should not have her as my bridesmaid as she'll spoil the pictures and look out of place. My friend is very very overweight and not typically good looking. Obviously I think she's fab and don't care what she looks like.
She's just really pissing me off with comments like this

OP posts:

Original poster

GetTheeToANunnery · 28/05/2012 09:03

Ps thanks for the advice about subtle fake tans. If I can find one I don't mind getting it. Sun kissed =good
Orange = baaaad

OP posts:

mummymeister · 28/05/2012 09:09

refuse the bridezilla and dont have the tan. tell her that you tried it once and that you are allergic to it and therefore even if you wanted it you cant have it. she should want you to be part of her day because you are you. Not so that you become a thinner tanned version. such a shame that what should be something to look forward to has now become something that you are dreading.

OTheHugeManatee · 28/05/2012 09:47

YANBU - do what you like, but the choice isn't between milk-bottle white and orange. A decent spray tan needs several applications before you get that Ronseal look, so as long as you don't go OTT you'll just look a bit sunkissed with one or two applications.

I get the sense though that this is less about the spray tan than about your sister taking this opportunity to tell you about all the things she'd like you to change about yourself. It sounds rather bitchy and undermining to me, and in your shoes I'd be feeling a bit miffed too.

EightiesChick · 28/05/2012 09:57

Yes, she is being patronising. I would start telling her that never mind getting roots done, you're going to try that trick of not washing your hair for 6 weeks in the run up to make it go super shiny on the day I would also start every conversation with her with 'Oooh, I've just had a lovely cream cake/ a massive ice cream / a greasy bacon sandwich' from now on. BTW size 12-14 is not fat!

I wouldn't get a spray tan. I don't like them.

happylittlebear · 28/05/2012 10:08

People that are orange have normally had several layers of tan, you don't have to do that and can ask for "light", it can be very subtle.

I would advise getting one 2 days before the wedding so you can make sure you like it, have it as late as possible in the evening and sleep in it, you will look dreadful when you wake up and will be v dark but thats just the top coat that will wash off with your shower and underneath will be a lovely subtle colour.
If its still too dark after or you really don't like it then a long soak in a bath will get a lot more of it off.

I am v pale and have had some lovely subtle ones at dove spa (if there are any near you).

Mrsjay · 28/05/2012 10:17

I wouldnt get a spray tan OP she cant insist on it can she ? anyway the wotsit look is daft how is orange attractive

ProcrastinateWildly · 28/05/2012 10:18

Being tanned does not necessarily = 'looking your best'
each to their own though (although obviously your sister does not think this)

Sallyingforth · 28/05/2012 10:23

Yuk!! YADNBU

You are your own person, not an accessory.

TheSmallClanger · 28/05/2012 10:58

YADNBU. Sod "light tans", your own skin should suffice.
Just keep saying "mmm" in a distracted way if she mentions it, then don't get round to doing it.

lalaland3008 · 28/05/2012 11:06

YANBU tbh sparay tans are horrible and mucky imo. You CAN get subtle ones you just need to find a good salon and ask for a light shade, and make sure you exfoliate lots beforehand. But personally I think if your sister cannot accept you for the way you are, weight, skin tone, why did she ask you to be bridesmaid?

My sister is getting married soon too and has been a bit bridezilla but she has calmed down a bit now. I was considering getting a spray tan but have decided against it, I'm very pale and will just use a bit of garnier moisturising tan for a few days before.

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