to not worship the ground DS's dad walks on

[MummySunshine]

Just because he's stuck around for DS??

We are not in a relationship but he sees DS fairly regularly and him and his family are involved.
Yes it's lovely, I'm happy my DS is so loved by both sides of his family, but bloody hell the comments I get really get on my nerves

'Oh it's really good that he's around'
'It's great that he wants to be involved'

Really? Am I lucky? Is it not what he's SUPPOSED to be doing? Why are we so often expected to roll out the red carpet when a guy does what he should be doing anyway?!

Breathes

YNBU. He is doing what he should as a decent human being. It doesn't need special praise. A woman wouldn't expect so much admiration just for being a parent.

Many a time people have said how awful it is that DS's Dad doesn't see him anymore but 'at least he pays maintainance'. Like this is supposed to make it all ok?

Seriously? My DS is nearly 10 and has had major problems trying to come to terms with not seeing his Dad. I would rather have him seeing his Dad than the maintainance. All the money in the world can never repair the damage done.

I've often gone on about this. I've been told how lucky I am that my exp has the DC, and how good he is for doing x,y or z.

So he effing should, he's their dad! What they don't know is that he has them for the bare minimum, pays sod all maintenance (long story) and yet lives a comfortable lifestyle.

Even if he was having them more, paying some child support and not excluding them from holidays and family events, why does he get a pat on the back for being a parent. I don't, and I don't expect one.

It is quite interesting, perceptions of 'good' parenting and how it is shaped by gender.

I know it is not the same circumstances but my oldest friend (male) and his wife have a son approx 15 months old, both work full-time

My mum commented 'ooh he's very good with him isn't he?'

Me: 'what do you mean? (Knowing full well what she meant)

My mum: well he takes him out places, changes nappies, does meal times, sees to him when he wakes up in the night.

As far as I am concerned all the things listed above are what you should do as a parent and to be fair my friend isn't looking to take credit for it or see it as anything but what is expected of him. But my mum thought it was 'over and above'

The thing is if my friend's wife HADN'T done any one of those things my mum had listed, she'd be apoplectic with rage, casting her as the worst mother since Karen Matthews.

To be honest, I think people often come out with this stuff because they just want casual conversation to be cheerful and positive and skirt round dangerous topics- "Oh well, at least he pays child support- that's niiiiice isn't it?"

But I totally agree that there should be more condemnation of absentee dads- did anyone hear Chris Evans talking about his daughter on Radio 2 a while back? His daughter, who he now has a relationship with at the age of twenty two. And the shameful, grovelling emails that people sent praising him for simply owning up to the fact that he has a daughter......no condemnation for the fact that he didn't see her throughout her entire childhood! (blood boils).

isnt he just about to become a dad again?

Think so....playing perfect daddy this time round, natch.

Happens A Lot! does that stubborn: god damn awful deadbeat dads playing "daddy the wonder dad" when they have children a second, or third time round.

my ds's dad was never around when we were together. as soon as we split he wanted to come round every day after school to see/take kids out. i had to tell him to go away and make proper arrangements - every over weekend etc.

he now has them on a regular routine but he lingers! insisting that i hear how hard up he is! i wish he would take knock, take kids and SOD OFF!!!!!!!

on the flip side of this i know some one who's dc's dad hasnt bothered in 2yrs and would be grateful just for him to show up in the first place, its like you cant win either way.

other weekend