Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel sad about this?

10 replies

fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:19

Just found out today that my neice, my brother's daughter got married two weeks ago.
He found out from some photos on facebook.
Long story but he and exsil divorced when neice was about 14. Had had 17 yrs of up and down marriage. I never liked her , bit of a cow, always right and always ready to put our family down. My parents went out of their way to accomodate her, when really they should have told her when to butt out!!
Any way after they split, he found someone else and exsil, went out of her way to stop conatct with his son and daughter. Changed phone numbers, blocked his calls, changed son's football team so brother couldn't give him a lift etc etc, even cancelled his wedding!!! but registrar stayed late to carry it out.
In the end my brother gave up, except for sending cards at Birthday and christmas together with what ever money he could afford.
My parents tried to keep in contact but stuff was sent back and when they had money from my Dads will , the cheques were cashed but no Thank you, mum was very upset.
My brother is lovely, absolutely great with my kids, and so easy to talk to. I feel so sad that this has happened. He did meet his son some years ago and gave him his mobile number but hasn't heard anything.
Just think she has poisoned them against him and maybe they are afraid to rock the boat. But he should have known about the wedding and been given a chance to at least acknowledge it as I guess an invite would have been far too awkward.
Feel so sorry for him.
Part of me wants to make contact as I know she is missing the chance to have a relationship with a really lovely Dad. :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:22

It's a tough one

You said yourself that your brother gave up on his kids in the end so perhaps that's why his DD didn't want him there?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/05/2012 22:28

It sounds like a horrible situation, but I can't help but think there's another side to it if a child as old as 14 made a descision to stop seeing her Father.

fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:31

He didn't give up on them, he gave up on trying to gain access as ex made it extremely difficult. He has always sent stuff for birthdays, christmas, good luck with exams etc, but ended up posting them through the door at night as any encounter with hsi ex ended up with animosity from her.
I tried to deliver an easter end once and got the door shoved in my face...think fish wife!!
So , yes I gues his kids may think he gave up but really he was beaten down emotionally by exw
I didn't expect her to want him there, neither did he, just think it's so sad that he has a daughter he never sees.

OP posts:
fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:33

yes, I know there are always two sides outraged, but exsil was really really toxic and I think the kids were brow beaten into seeing things her way...was like that before they split.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/05/2012 22:35

And what did the judge say when he fought through the courts to see them?

fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:36

please don't judge my brother on this...just wanted to acknowledge that I feel sad about this as I would about any family breakdown regardless of fault.
would like to help them have some kind of contact again but am genuinely afraid of anything that would potentionally involve her mother.

OP posts:
fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:38

worral...it didn't go to court, he didn't have any money, although she had legal aid. He didn't think he could force a 14 and 12 year old to see him.

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 27/05/2012 22:39

This is from my nieces and nephews point of view, they are struggling to come to terms with why their father never thought to fight in court to see them. My nephew is getting married next year and he knows that he has to invite his father but is feeling very conflicted. Sorry if it comes out judgemental

fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:43

five..I understand where you are coming from and I'm sure my nephew and neice have their feelings on what happened, but how do you force teenagers to see their parents when they are upset/angry that he went and their mother is doing everything to cut contact with everyone on his side of the family.

OP posts:
fridayfreedom · 27/05/2012 22:45

kind of wish I hadn't said anything now.
please don't post any more replies, feeling too upset.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page