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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that my mum is a bit of an attention-seeker? :(

10 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 26/05/2012 23:00

So many examples I could give but will just stick to what has gone on this week...

Fair enough, she has been ill (bad cough/virusy type thing) She lives a fair distance away from me and she told me to stay away from her from monday-wednesday of this week as she didn't want us to catch it here. By thursday she sounded a lot better but had left work early as she felt knackered. Iasked her if she'd like to come and stay with us so that I could cook her dinner/make sure she got something to eat as she said she'd been too weak to cook. She bit my arm off at the offer and came over...

The next morning she said she felt worse and felt breathless. I said we ought to ring the doctors and get an emergency appointment or even go to A+E of she was breatless. She said no and she would be fine soon. I offered her some food and she said that she had no appetite but I made her two slices of toast anyway and told her to just nibble on it. She wolfed it down. She seemed to perk up and we werehaving a bit of a laugh and joke in the garden and she decided to ring in sick at work. She literally went from being jolly and loud to doing some kind of Kelly Rowland sick voice on the phone, punctuated with coughs. Her phone rang a few timeswith various friends ringing to see how she was and she'd answer the phone by coughing down it and punctuating every other wordwith an over-egged cough. We then drove out to the shops and had lunch, fine all day. Fine last night when I rang her to see how she was.

Then today we went to a barbecue at my uncle's and mum was there. She was fine when we got there,laughing and joking. I asked if she felt better and her face changed. "I just feel weak and sick" she said. Then if people started chatting amongst themselves, she'd start coughing or move her chair into the shade and did a forlorn face. This sounds awful but I left her to it and after half an hour when she got no attention, she played an energetic game of swingball. She nearly batted the ball off the sodding pole. Then she ate a fair amount of barbecue food (off her food?!) Then my aunty sat next to her and asked how she was and the weak face came back out and she started going on about how she'd been unable to get out of bed for three days because she couldn't stand. I said that she should have called an ambulance if she couldn't walk as that sounds pretty serious, my aunt agreed. Then she started going "She thinks I'm making it up!"

I think she's attention-seeking. I know it sounds harsh but I'm sure of it. I think I'mbeing a bitch, no, I KNOW I am but honestly, how do I handle this?

OP posts:
get0rfm0iland · 26/05/2012 23:03

Haha I have read about your mum before. My mother is the same with the 'folorn faces' and the 'walking off shaking head and looking hurt' act.

Drama llamas. Just completely ignore it and be blithe and smiley.

BupcakesandCunting · 26/05/2012 23:04

"Hurt face (TM)"

I remember, GetOrf. :(

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/05/2012 23:05

Just ignore her... that is what I do with my husband.. (who I overheard telling one of his friends that he had swine flu THREE times a couple of years ago... he had a slight cold on each occasion)...

Or, when he is doing his dying swan act, but still capable of going to the pub with his mates, I insist on him staying at home, and threaten to spend some of HIS money on medication, he makes a miraculous recovery then too....

BupcakesandCunting · 26/05/2012 23:05

At the barbecue, I was blithe and smiley which wound her up more, I think.

OP posts:
get0rfm0iland · 26/05/2012 23:07

YES that is a very satisfying by-product. Grin What she wanted was 'oh no are you OK, Can I get you a cup of tea' and then tell the rest of the family that she is very ill so all attention can be on your mum.

BupcakesandCunting · 26/05/2012 23:12

GetOrf,we are kindred mum spirits. Grin

OP posts:
TalcAndTurnips · 26/05/2012 23:15

Crikey Buppers - you must have the patience of a saint Sad

My mother is the opposite - she's the sodding Black Knight: "It's just a scratch" - as she packs a severed arm into a cool box and drives herself, one-armed, to A&E.

.

.

.

(I may be exaggerating a little)

AgentZigzag · 26/05/2012 23:17

I don't think attention seeking is bad as such, it just means the person needs a bit of attention and doesn't know how else to get it.

It's weird because the more the person blatantly seeks attention, the less you want to give to them.

What happens if someone gives her lots of sympathy? You could always try the OTT (but not taking the piss out of her) overkill of attention and concern? Or would that just be shooting yourself in the foot and she'll start drumming up more things for you to sympathise with her about? Grin

BupcakesandCunting · 26/05/2012 23:27

"I don't think attention seeking is bad as such, it just means the person needs a bit of attention and doesn't know how else to get it.

It's weird because the more the person blatantly seeks attention, the less you want to give to them."

So true, so true...

She would LOVE the extra attention/sympathy. She'd thrive on it.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 26/05/2012 23:49

If you see your mum turning her being ill on and off at will, the manipulation must make it really hard to pretend to be concerned.

Do you think she knows she's doing it?

Would it make a difference if she didn't and it wasn't intentional or her playing games with you?

If she genuinely was in need of that kind of interaction and getting it made her happy, what's the difference between that and manipulating (asking) someone to come round your house so you could chat over coffee because it'd make you feel better?

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