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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want someone to tell me this is just a fucking phase?!

31 replies

ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:13

So, today has been tough - work are desperately short staffed and DH is working half the night so I had to beg a favour from my mum to look after the DC while I worked this morning and then I'd invited two friends and their DC round to play in the afternoon. So, from the point of view of DS (4, nearly 5), he's had a fab day - Granny, his usual saturday play session which he loves, two ice creams, his two best friends to play, the paddling pool and his favourite dinner.

He has done nothing but whinge at me all afternoon. He was sad because Granny couldn't stay all day, sad that he couldn't have a third ice cream, sad that he only has one paddling pool (I mean WTF?!), sad that his friends couldn't stay forever, sad that he couldn't stay up late watching TV and sad that I asked him to help me tidy the garden toys up before bed. He cried about all of the above plus more.

It's hot, I'm tired, DH has had very bad news about MIL today and DS is also obviously very tired after a really busy day. But even 20 month old DD was less hassle. It's so hard to be patient when no matter how much fun he has it's never ever good enough. AIBU because he's little and tired or is he being a bit of a brat? I am too whacked out to have any perspective and DH isn't here.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 26/05/2012 19:22

He's little and tired and being a bit of a pain, and it is a phase, but only until the next phase of them being an older different kind of pain Smile

He doesn't know how to look on the bright side of things and be grateful for the things he had, it just means he hasn't cottoned on to it yet.

He will, if you're one of the lucky ones Grin

squeakytoy · 26/05/2012 19:24

He is hot, he is tired too... it is quite normal.

Sadly, if he is anything like my husband, he will be like this for the next 50 years... Grin

Original poster
ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:25

No, he doesn't know how to look on the damned bright side. I tried to talk to him about it at bedtime but he just said "I'm trying hard Mum" I mean how do you articulate "your negativity is wearing me down" to a 4 year old?

Deep breaths now ...

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:26

squeaky ShockWine

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 26/05/2012 19:27

He's little, he's tired, he's probably very hot and he's being a whiny little monkey. But he's YOUR whiny little monkey and I challenge you not to creep into his room when he's fast asleep, listen to his breathing and have your heart melt all over again Wink

It's bloody hard work this parenting. and thankless. And relentless. This is a crappy time for you but hopefully things will get better soon.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/05/2012 19:30

It's just a phase Wine
It's just a phase Wine
It's just a phase Wine

It's bloody hot and it's come on so quickly that no one has had time to get used to a bit of sunshine!

He's just being typical of his age, not a brat, honestly.

Just be glad it's bedtime!!

trixie123 · 26/05/2012 19:34

I expect (in fact am desperately hoping) it is just a phase - had a similarly trying day with my DS (2.9) who behaved atrociously at a birthday BBQ for a friend of mine so we left after an hour having spoken to hardly anyone and feeling like rubbish parents - you know when you just know people are commenting after you leave? Anyway, both DCs are now in bed and quiet, DP is out, so its Wine O'clock and possibly cake. Please pour yourself one and watch eurovision / have a bath / etc Smile

Pos1 · 26/05/2012 19:40

I could have written your post today about my girl (3) who has been a right pain. Today she's had dance class, trip to buy a paddling pool, new hair clips and a play in the pool all afternoon- and then? A complete tantrum because I would not let her play with a (used) tissue. It's been an education in just how completely out of control a 3 year old can make you feel....

She said, when I put her to bed 'I wish I were in charge mummy' I thought she pretty much has been for the past 3 years.... (she is lovely though-most of the time)

Original poster
ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:44

Great to know it's just a phase. I have resurrected the kitchen and the house is a bit less chaotic so I am feeling more zen about things in general. He's usually a lovely, polite lad, if a bit emo at times.

I put them both to bed with wet hair and unbrushed teeth Blush it was all just turning into a screaming rammy so I cut to the chase!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:44

Hope your DC wake up in better form, Pos and trixie

Oh and squeaky, stay positive, it might pass yet Grin

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 26/05/2012 19:47

He is getting it from you, you have had a tough day and he reads the body language - at his age he is too young to be helpful, he just mirrors it back. Had you been relaxed and sunshine and light he would have been the same.
Sadly not much help to you - sorry!

Original poster
ohbugrit · 26/05/2012 19:55

That's a really interesting perspective exotic, and one I hadn't considered in my addled state. Probably right! Thanks :)

OP posts:
Joiningthegang · 26/05/2012 19:57

As requested "it's just a phase"

They can be ungrateful little whingers can't they!

exoticfruits · 26/05/2012 19:58

Unfortunately if you are stressed it shows- I don't have the answer. I used to find that if I was in a negative spiral I could go into another room, count to 10, fix a smile and go back with the positive. It worked- however if you have real stress it isn't so simple.

Joiningthegang · 26/05/2012 19:59

Exotic - really? You aren't helping anyone with your "it's all your fault" attitude

Ormiriathomimus · 26/05/2012 20:03

"He's little and tired and being a bit of a pain"

I'm hot and tired and being a bit of a pain too Grin

At least with him it is a phase. I'm 47.....

slowlyburningcalories · 26/05/2012 20:04

Its hot, and he is tired. You're hot and tired and frantic too I suspect Wine or [pimms]

We always find Saturdays are hard work and in fact don't do any classes because DD has nursery Wed/Thur/Fri and by Saturday is in meltdown.

She has also whined all day - but she is cutting her last four molars and as per usual doing all four at once.

I hope tomorrow is less whiney - for all of us!

but honestly I think he is a wee bit too young to worry about him turning into a grumpy old git just yet

fuckarama · 26/05/2012 20:06

It's just a phase.

I'll swap you for the phase DS is in which involves me dragging my tired hot fat arse out of bed at silly o'clock to pick him and some mates up from a club because I am a soft touch

LowRegNumber · 26/05/2012 20:09

Exotic isn't saying it is the ops fault and she is right, tired stressed parents can lead to tired stressed dc. It is not a fault it is a reality, the same as your oh arriving home fed up often ends in you getting pretty fed up too. It can help.to try and break the cycle - of course it could also just be a tired fed up child day, they get those too!

1950sHousewife · 26/05/2012 20:11

My DS (nearly 5 too) is having the same 'phase'.

He's always been a bit of a grumpy chap and very exacting, but sometimes it feels like he starts the day with a whinge and ends it with one. I've tried being Cbeebies presenter fun and positive, ignoring it, pandering to it etc. There is sometimes no pleasing him.

E.g. - complaints that the shorts he wants to wear are in the wash, that I gave him the wrong spoon, that he wants to wear his snowboots on a hot day, that he can't find the exact identical frickin' HotWheels car he loves, etc.

I feel your pain and can offer no advice other than it's wine o'clock somewhere!
Wine

1950sHousewife · 26/05/2012 20:14

And exoticfruits - if it is all from her, why is the other child not like this as well? I can be grumpy and tense and DD is still fairly jolly about life.
I can be happiness and lightness and fun mummy and DS is often still a grumpy little darling.

Circumstances don't help, but I also think there is definitely a factor where this is a phase in a particular child is inevitable.

GnomeDePlume · 26/05/2012 20:17

Read this out to DH and it brought back memories of DS at the same age. It is a phase, he will grow out of it BUT one thing that helped was managing expectations:

  • we will not be going into the gift shop at the zoo
  • granny will be here until X o'clock

Even now (DCs 16, 13 and 12) when we get in after a day out either DH or I will say 'well done everybody'. Oh, and we still dont go into gift shops!

Nagoo · 26/05/2012 20:20

DS is in this phase.

I am mean, so suggested that if we both whinge our loudest, it will make the desired result (toast popping up) happen much faster.

He gave me the Hmm so he might be getting my point.

Some0ne · 26/05/2012 20:24

My DD was like this for a lot of the day -week-- month. She's 23 months and could whinge for Ireland. And there's just no logic to it, no matter what you do you get the same reaction: 'wehhhhhhhhhhh' and the scrunched up face and the storming off to scream in another room.

It's so draining when the whingy bits outnumber the cute bits.

Polpettona · 26/05/2012 20:53

You're not alone OP ;) I've had two whiney,grumpy girls 2 & 4 ALL day!We've been stuck in the house, 4 year old has an ear infection so can't go out and Daddy works all day Saturday. We live in Italy,husband italian, and both my DD's have that Italian drama queen blood,everything is a drama!!!!!! So I've got a Dd going through the terrible twos and a Dd going through the friggin' awfull fours,aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!Completely sympathise with you OP Wink