AIBU to be unsure and scared? (Perhaps not the correct category but I was stumped!)

[Blondilocks]

Not really an AIBU but not sure what this would come under. Help perhaps?

I've got a DD from a previous relationship & I love her to bits, she is great. I also love OH lots. Now, I think he is more keen on the idea of more child(ren) whereas I'm really not sure. I think he thinks I'm a better mum than I think I am & I'm just used to the idea of having an older DD & not the idea of having a baby/small child again or even being pregnant.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I can't speak to anyone in RL as I feel like a bit of a freak for not being sure about more children when everyone else seems to want lots of them. In fact I don't know anyone in the same frame of mind as me. What do you do? I think OH would be a great dad, I just worry about me.

Do you live together?

Are you planning to?

If you think you are in this long term then you need to sit down and have a proper chat about marriage, babies, living together etc so you both know what the other wants and you have a chance to think about whether that fits with what you want.

Is there a reason why you dont consider yourself a very good mum?

You aren't a freak for not being sure about having more children. If you don't want them, you don't want them. Maybe in time you will.

Would also like to know why you don't feel like a very good mum?

Argh just wrote a reply which I managed to lose! Thank you for reading. It is really helpful to collect my thoughts to make a post, even if it is a bit waffly.

We own a house together & have had the conversation about most things serious. I would marry him tomorrow if he asked - well maybe not tomorrow as I couldn't mobilise a wedding party that quickly! Part of me does like the idea of a baby & the other part is terrified! I suppose as well I'm used to how it is now. DD is a teenager so I'm quite removed from small children parenting too - my friend has a gorgeous baby boy & when she voices her concerns about him I feel like I don't have a clue anymore!

In terms of work I think I do a good job, but in terms of my job as a mummy I owe a lot to my mum as I had my DD very young & my mum has been brilliant especially while I was still studying. Plus I didn't ever live with my DD & ex. Also I guess I've been bitten before - not saying DD was the cause of my breakup with her dad - that came later & was more due to us growing up & apart at the same time. I think my OH will be a better help so while I won't have my mum's help his will replace that & she / his mum / my friends with babies will be a call away.

My DD is happy & doing great at school & is a lovely girl (I don't think I'm just saying that from being biased, but have seen how she acts with her friends) so logically the signs point to nothing being wrong with my technniques apart from perhaps the outsourcing of a lot of her care to my mum.

I had a baby very young and relied on my mum alot too. He is now 21 and my youngest is almost a year old. The way I see it, alot of women my age (38) are having their first babies, so why would I not be able to manage?

Oh op the problem isn't your mothering or your techniques at all, it's your confidence.

My mum helps me a lot too and DH had to teach me to change nappies but I'm still a good mum and you sound like a brilliant mum!

The fact you are worrying about this and thinking everything through is a good thing but you may actually be over thinking it.

Lots of mum get help, especially new mums! Your mum was there for you but don't think of it as you failing, think of it as her supporting you as a mother. You have te most important role in Dds life and always have.

I wish I could give you a hug.

Children are terrifying

There's nothing unusual about exploring how you'd feel about having another one, putting yourself in the future yous shoes (shoe's?) and kacking yourself.

I've got 9 years between my DDs, and I'd forgotten all the little bits you'd think are most important at the time and you'd remember forever.

Although she was planned but took a while to get here, I remember feeling the loss of what my life had become having a 9 YO when I found out I was pregnant, at the prospect of almost going back in time to look after a vulnerable baby and all that entails.

But thankfully it soon passed and two years on DD2 is a star and I still can't believe we've got her

Along side DD1, she's the best thing ever (and I really did have doubts I could love another child as much as I did DD1).

But this time around you HAVE grown up, and you have a lovely DD who is testament to your ability to mother well.

You can't compare what happened with your DD and her father to your current situation, really you can't - so much has changed for you!

One thing I would say though, have you discussed the idea with your DD? I'm not saying she should have power of veto, but it would be a good idea to talk it through with her, as it will affect her, having a baby half-sibling in the house.

I am a bit scared as well that I've forgotten how to do the teeny baby stuff - all things being equal and going well, DS will be nearly 5 when the new one comes along (FX, God willing etc.) and it's going to be a bit of a shock to the system! But a welcome one.

Try to take your fears and insecurity out of the equation for now and focus on deciding whether or not you want a baby with your OH. If the answer is yes, then the rest will fall into place for you. You'll remember when you need to!