AIBU to think that if you can't afford something you either need to save for it or reconsider whether you need it to start off with

[Blondilocks]

It makes me mad how people seem to think they have a right to things that they can't afford. What's wrong with I can't afford it so therefore I have to save or think whether I need the thing in the first place?

Talking about perhaps frivolous items, not everyday essentials.

Ask anyone & they will have a wish list of practical & impractical things. Some people will work theirselves silly to afford some of these things, others will do the same to afford the essentials. It just makes me mad that people expect things for nothing.

I feel frivalous for having a better phone than I really need whereas people I know who probably can't really afford it think nothing of that or their sky TV package or their car with an unneccessary engine but then can't find the cash for essential day to day items.

I just don't get it! Perhaps I'm just old fashioned?

me too.

things are changing i think, though maybe only temporarily.

How does it affect you?

I guess it's just annoying to hear people complaining about not being able to afford things that aren't perhaps necessary when other people are barely able to afford necessities.

It seems unfair, but I guess life is unfair & we need to put up with it!

YANBU

My DH and I have a good quality of life with a reasonable amount of disposable income. Because we don't go on holidays abroad (not since 2 DC were born), we don't buy the latest gadgets, we don't eat out a lot or go down the pub more than 4 or 5 times a year. We both work hard at well paid jobs. That is how we can afford our mortgage, afford to buy some luxuries like take out meals a few times a month or a couple of bottles of wine on the grocery shopping.

Some of our friends / extended family moan about how skint they are when they seem to have 3 holidays a year, a new games console, a new car / bike, new clothes every week, going out to get pissed all the time and paying off huge debts from living like that for years.

We are very lucky to be in work and to be financially comfortable. Like you say we are not scrimping to put a few slices of bread on the table or to put money on the gas meter. We are fortunate, lucky, blessed. But its not all by chance - partly it's because we don't waste the money we do receive, at least not until we have paid for all the essentials and worked out what we have left to waste.

I'm completely happy to hear people moan about making ends meet if they are struggling with the basics. A fortnight in the Seychelles is not an essential.

Is it really a moral issue?

You've made 2 points there.

Firsly the point about saving for things you cant afford.

The problem is that for many years, because of the ease of credit, the idea of saving for what you want was alien. It was easy to walk into almost any shop, sign up for finance and walk out with a new kitchen/computer/car etc.

Now, things are gradually returning to the way our granparents did it, by saving for what we want, partly due to a lack of available credit and partly because we have seen what happens when we live beyond our means.

Because saving takes time, it allows for consideration and prevents expensive impulse buys. Its different taking £1000 out of your savings to buy a new sofa (say) than it is signing a credit agreement for £50 a month for a new sofa. Spending your hard saved cash makes you think really hard about whether the purchase is right for you, whether you have got it at the right price and whether you really need it.

Secondly about spending on luxuries at the expense of necessities.

People will always prioritise differently and unless their dependents are suffering as a result, i dont think it worth wasting head space on. Someone who considers Sky Sports as essential but then cant afford to buy themselves decent food isnt going to get any sympathy from me (unless, as I said, their children are affected) but I dont suppose I would give it much thought unless they were trying to scrounge from me! The same with someone who insists they need a social life but then cant have the heating on as high or as long as they would like.

Just going on the people I know, I think it's pretty normal to talk as though you haven't got enough cash regardless of how much you've actually got.

It'd be pretty if they were going on like they had squillions in their account, so people just generally talk as though they haven't much, have a bit of a moan about the price of things, then go out and by a huge telly/expensive holiday etc.

But that's the thing about other peoples money, it's private, so you can't make a judgement call on whether they're justified or not buying what they decide to buy.

I bet there are things you buy that aren't strictly necessary or you couldn't afford them really that other people could catsbum mouth at you about? Even if it's just a brand you like at the supermarket instead of buying a value brand.

Damn right this is a moral issue tethersend!

This is AIBU.

I don't really understand the OP.

We can't afford luxuries therefore we don't have them. We are not being sensible or frugal. We just don't have the money to purchase luxury goods.

We have friends who can afford luxury goods and they enjoy their luxury goods. Not a problem.

The days of buying things on credit are long gone. If people have Sky TV or exotic holidays, I would suggest that they have these things because they can afford them.

MichaelaS and bogeyface - that's what I think just put into words better!

I suppose everyone's definition of essential is different and people justify spends differently. Plus it's hard to break habits that were perhaps normal not that many years ago - easy credit etc.

I guess it's true there's not much point in worrying about others in general - even if you were close to the person in question you probably couldn't say or do anything about it.

Ahh new posts came as I was replying - wasn't saying I disagree with the others.

That is true about people making things sound worse than they are in conversation. At the moment it's easier to dumb things down than to say you're doing OK.

True as well. I buy stuff I don't really need but I still save some money so I figure it's OK. Don't really need my smartphone as I could text/call on a non-smartphone & wait to use the net at home, don't need to go out to dinner as much (although generally use 2-4-1 offers) ... the list could go on & a lot of things that would be gotten rid of if need be - well once contracts end perhaps!

We're lucky in that neither me or DH are bothered about the latest car/telly/gadget, but some people seem to thrive on trying to portray what they think other people would see as a successful person/household.

It's like an insecurity, they need their possessions to say something about what Good People they must be.

It's nothing new, people have always wanted to display wealth, and not having any cash isn't a barrier to it, then or now.

I work with homeless and insecurely housed families. I don't have an iPhone because my budget tells me I can't afford one. They all have iPhones because they don't have a budget and marketing wankers people convince them they can. If you can't do maths and don't understand APRs and don't have a budget, it is very hard.

Bonniebumble - there are people out there who still buy things they think they (or their children) need, regardless of whether or not they can actually afford them. My sister is one.

Just because you don't know anyone who does this, doesn't mean they don't exist.

i have an aunt who is continuously complaining about not having any money. she will go off on dranatic rants about how her (teenage) children better eat everything on their plate as tomorrow there mightn't be any dinner. she constantly whinges about not having enough money to pay this bill or that bill. she didn't buy her DD a present (or give any money) for her 18th birthday because she said things were too tight yet she was able to go out on her DD's night out for her birthday, pay her own way on the coach, entrance to the venue, her own drinks all night and place bets all night long (it was a dog racing track). she also has two houses (one let out) has at least one foreign holiday every year and goes to several formal events throughout the year requiring new outfits/tan/nails/hair everytime. i've come to realise that she does have the money she says she doesn't. it;s just that she doesn't want to have to spend it on certain things becase it will mean she has less for the things she does want to spend it on so i her mind she cant afford to pay XY and Z bills or get her daughter a birthday present