To refuse to give 16 year old DS a lift

[mysteryfairy]

He is 16 and on study leave. He goes to school about 17 miles away so most of his friends are quite distant. Last night he asked if he could have a lift to his friend's house for a band rehearsal this morning. I said no as it is approx 40 mile round trip so if I take and then collect him later as I frequently do I end up driving 80 miles. I suggested he get on the school coach (already paid for) and meet up with his friend's mum at school where she would be dropping her younger DCs off then get to the house in her car. The school coach goes at 7.30 - he was reminded in plenty of time this morning but refused to get up.

Since 9am he has been following me round sulking and complaining about the unfairness of the fact that he isn't there. He looks a complete twat to his fellow band members as he is refusing to answer his mobile and when they rang on home phone which I answered he refused to speak to them. They are obviously all expecting him.

I now feel both pissed off and guilty about this and also sorry for the other band members he has let down. Trouble is if I weaken and take him it sets a precedent for the future and I am so sick of driving about.

No YANBU

Stand firm! He's close enough to being a grown up to not need you to organise his life for him, and to sort himself out. Tell him this, that way he looks like even more of a whiny twonk baby if he moans any more.

YADNBU.

YANBU but then why does he go to a school so far away....surely that is recipe for you to be lumbered as a taxi service!

He's 16 though so old enough to sort himself out, he should have got that coach!

YANBU

If there wasn't an alternative option I think I might have thought it was a bit unfair - since he doesn't get much say at 16 about living so far from his school/friends. But since there was and he chose not to take it then I think you're perfectly justified in saying no this time.

Yanbu, he had the choice get on the bus n go or don't
He didn't
That's it
Stick to your guns
It may tho be worth seeing if there are any other buses he can catch

Did you check with the other mum it would be ok to get your DS from school (she may well have had other plans, or not wanted to have to sort out someone else's child)? I wouldn't expect a 16 year old to make arrangements with another parent to pick him up. Also I (as a teenager) would be very unkeen on the idea of being stuck in a car with the mum of one of my friends - perhaps that's why he didn't go for it?

Basically the issue is that his school is so far from where he lives - I presume you must have known that when he started there and so implicitly bought into the need to be a taxi driver to friends' houses where they lived further away?

There are other buses. He is now in position where he would need to get two public buses and it would take ages. He needs to transport a guitar and amp too. He has been bought a small amp for use at school which is fine to take on school coach but might not be much fun to drag across a bus station. However he feels he should always be given a lift as he prefers to use a bigger amp -one that takes two people to carry. Grr

Glad for Los of yanbu when I am weakening - thanks!

YANBU. I was in a similar situation as a teen, didn't have a bus that went to where my friends were and didn't have a school bus either yet still managed (though I did do plenty of what your son is doing ).

If there is public transport available then get him to use that, if anything it'll make him confident using it in future! But do pick him up if he'll be hanging out late or something (as long as he gives you petrol money!), that was always my Mum's agreement and it worked well :)

I'm feeling all nostalgic over the multiple bus changes and late trains now

He's being an idiot. He had options. He wanted the taxi of mum. Don't feel guilty. This is a good lesson for him.

I would happily have checked with other mum for him and offered to. He has known her since junior school and she is a family friend with whom we frequently share arrangements

Surely loads of kids go to schools further from home? For most of my friends the small school we went too was the only option unless they wanted to commute to a larger town nearby, would probably take about the same time tbf though but the tiny school had school buses. Then some kids move schools, some parents don't want their children in local failing schools, etc. It's not uncommon.

He has landed himself with another two years at the school as he failed to return the paperwork for a place at the local sixth form college despite daily reminders and they've now withdrawn the offer. This included offers to drive him to the college there and then to hand deliver paperwork which he wouldnt take up. He really is hopeless.

YANBU - he had an option which he chose not to take.

I would have taken him but I am a soft touch and I think that how you have done it is a good lesson for him.

yanbu, he's old enough to get himself there, it's good for him to learn that you are not his personal taxi service and obviously good for you too!