Not to send my friends' DCs birthday cards or gifts?

[holmesgirl]

Okay so there is a group of eight of us who all went to school together. Some of us have dcs, some don't. I don't.

All of the group send cards and gifts to the dcs except me :-( I have bought nice gifts for baby's arrival but that's it. I don't really see much of their dcs because when I see my friends its usually for lunch etc without the dcs.

I do send cards and gifts every year to my dns and my godsons, as well as friends and family of course.

I feel bad because I am the only one in our group and they all thank each other etc when we meet up.

Just for info, birthdays have never been a big deal in my family and when (touch wood) i have dcs i won't be expecting gifts for them.

Is this mean of me?

I have kids and I only buy presents for kids if we go to their party or if we meet up with them around the date. Nieces and nephews get presents

Like you, birthdays growing up were immediate family - grandparents, aunts and uncles, parents and siblings so it doesn't feel natural to me

I don't think so but you could perhaps send a card if you are bothered. I do cards and presents if attending birthday parties only; it's a right fag otherwise as you get loads of tat & everyone loses money. We do godson and his bro; their DPs reciprocate for ours... but that's about it. Even with them I wouldn't expect something but will prob do the same for our DC's godparents' children (phew! that was a mouthful).

I don't think its mean, the others in your group who have DCs have probably got into the habit as they all have them. I randomly buy presents for my friends DCs if I see them around the birthday or they have a party but not otherwise, and to be honest hardly at all before I had my own.

No way is it mean of you. You don't have kids, it would be nuts of you to start buying for all the kids of 8 friends. I wouldn't expect a child free friend to fork out, it'd just be a financial drain on you.

I don't send cards or gifts to anyone unless it's a "special" birthday.
I don't really get the fuss over birthdays to be honest. I feel that once you're over 5 it's no big deal.
I'd rather people were lovely to me (and me to them) all the time and not just on a special day.
PS. I don't do Christmas either and haven't done for years!!

Do you think it's mean of you? If you feel ok with it then that's cool. But if you don't then buy them a little gift. I've got 2 friends without kids, one buys gifts, the other doesn't. Whilst I think it's thoughtful of the one who does buy the gifts, I still love both friends just the same. So it's how you feel really.

I think birthday cards are on their way out and the next generation will not send very many. A card that will end up in the recycling box in a couple of weeks is such a waste of money and natural resources. We send very few cards.

Little gifts might be thoughtful but invariably they are going to clutter up your house. I am not keen on buying or receiving more stuff.

OP YANBU to avoid this tit for tat competitive materialistic roundabout.

What is wrong with an e-mail, phone call (for very close family) or FB message?

Very sensible. When my friends started breeding I got ballsy and said to them that I thought I probably wouldn't do gifts for the children as they would be getting enough from family. All my friends were fine with this. I send them a card (although that is costly too) and might do a gift when I see them. I live overseas now and the children are all of an age to love getting overseas mail. I do occasional gifts if I see something of the 'that's so X' variety.

I think sending a card, or at least remembering with a text, is kind. It's less for the DC and more a recognition of what is important in your friends' life, and of course that's the basis of being a good friend!

No presents though. Kids have enough already IMHO.

You're not friends with their children, you're not related. YANBU

I give gifts to kids if ds goes to their party, and I send stuff to my niece. Otherwise I wouldn't bother. Even if I happened to be seeing the parent/child around the birthday.

Or maybe you are mean and I am too.

Thanks for the responses.

I don't feel mean. I buy lovely gifts for the children in my family and for my friends themselves.

I suppose I just feel pressurised, esp because my bf who also doesn't have dcs always buys gifts and cards without fail and the friends with dcs often comment on how very thoughtful she is because of it. I just think as everyone's families expand it will become less and less manageable.

I guess I will stick with my current m.o. and live with feeling a little discomfort during meetups.