Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to Sack My Friend?

27 replies

TheLaughingCat · 24/05/2012 22:19

Ok I didnt know how to Namechange so I made a new account!

I dont want to drip feed so will get as much in as possible here.

My dp and I run our own Business, At first there was just the 2 of us and we have worked really hard to get where we are now, There is 2 aspects of the Business and I work from home, dp works out every day. 2 yrs ago we had to employ someone to work with dp (every day) and last year it was clear we needed to employ someone to work with me in my home. I wasnt happy about it at first as I didnt like the thought of somone else being in my home with me. We discussed it and both decided that a young person would not be appropriate and we wanted someone a bit older with a bit of knowledge and experience of holding down a job and hard work. My dp told me his Friend's Wife (50) was quitting her job and was really interested in working for us, I had met her a couple of times but I didnt really know her. Anyway I decided to give it a go and started training her up. I was quite shocked that after her first week (3 days) She called me on the sunday night to say she couldnt come in next day as her husband was going to dentist and he didnt like dentists so she had to go with him. This became more and more regular last year and she very rarely done a whole 3 days (Unbeliveable excuses), I spoke to her numerous times and asked if she was happy working and if she wasnt then she must tell me. She was/and still is adament she loves working for me. Due to our nature of work we have a quiet period over christmas time so she got 12 weeks off over that time then came back to work in February when I rang and said right I need you back she replied with 'well i need 2 weeks to prepare myself back for work Confused (SHE'D JUST HAD 12 WEEKS TO PREPARE!!) anyhow she came back after the 2 weeks prep time and all was well for the first few weeks and now it has started all over again.
Monday is my busiest day and that is the day I do not need to be let down, She has not been in for the last 2 mondays. Last monday she had to take her son to the hospital (he is 20 and drives and it was nothing serious), Monday just gone she didnt even call to say she wasnt coming in, She was at a wedding and thought I knew Hmm she was in tuesday, then wednesday called in sick then popped round to tell me what the doctor said, then said she would be in today then called in sick again. She will call early in the morning and leave a voice message rather than calling and talking to me.

It has come to the point where dp and I have bets on if and when she will come into work, I could make a completely new thread on the excuses she has for not coming in or being late!

Over the last year regardless of work we have became friends, She is in my home 3 days a week and and with this being my busy time for work dont have time to socilise so she is pretty much the only person I see at the minute. I have not got time to train anyone else up now and will be sad to see her go but I cant have this anymore, I will struggle with the work myself now. I really want to say I will give her another chance but I know her well now and know things are not going to change. I feel like she has no respect for Me or My Business

Am I being unreasonable to sack her?

Please dont Flame me, I feel terrible about this but dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 24/05/2012 22:26

Yanbu

Sack her.

A friend of mine has been in this position with a lazy useless worker (who is however a nice enough bloke, and safe to have in the house) for 20 years Shock because you 'can't sack a mate'

No well, you can't take the piss put of them and get paid for the privilege either in my book.

Sack sack sack!

Pollykitten · 24/05/2012 22:27

She isn't treating it as a proper job at all. I would say to her that you need four weeks full commitment from her and if she doesn't fulfil that, then I would definitely sack her as you need someone who takes it as seriously as you do. You can tell her you value your friendship too much to allow the her uneven performance to continue to undermine it. Best of luck with finding someone reliable - perhaps a younger person will be more keen with the job scene being as it is for young people?

CrispyCod · 24/05/2012 22:30

She is exploiting you both as an employee and a friend, a royal piss taker IMO. If she's a true friend she will respect your decision to let her go. At the end of the day you are running a business which requires commitment from staff and she shows total disregard for this.

Rubirosa · 24/05/2012 22:32

Do you pay her sick days? Have you ever given her warnings about the time off?

If she has been employed for over a year you can't just sack her - you'll have to go through a disciplinary procedure.

Bettyonholiday · 24/05/2012 22:33

Where I work, this sort of behaviour leads to performance management, and if no improvement leads to warnings, termination of job etc. This all takes time, so if I were you, I would cut to the chase and sack her.

(chants) Do it, do it, do it.

Bettyonholiday · 24/05/2012 22:34

But yes, as rubirosa says, there will be legalities to take account of.

porcamiseria · 24/05/2012 22:41

sack her

aldiwhore · 24/05/2012 22:41

12 WEEKS off over Christmas, unpaid? I think you have to be flexible here, OR more professional...

Hindsight is great though, she's obviously being as 'as and when' as you.

If I were you I would lie, tell her the business isn't doing very well and you won't have much work for her (you'll probably be breaking many rules) and let her go gently.... then, employ someone with a projected timesheet. 12 weeks unpaid leave is a LOT and pretty unworkable for many. You need to tell your future employee exactly when you'll need them, exactly the procedure for leave (would they HAVE to take it during that 12 weeks or could they happily take it on a Monday etc.,) ...

Obviously I am no expert, but I don't need to be. You do. You need to do your homework pronto. Because from what you've said so far, I think you're on shakier ground legally than she is.

Good luck.

You can train people very quickly if they're the right people, I was out of work for 8 years and have got up to speed in 2 weeks, in quite a busy job with quite a lot of procedure and responsibility. Sje is your employee first, one you LIKE, no problem there, she may also be your 'friend' but if she was a friend she'd treat you with respect.

I suspect you're going to have to pull your socks up a bit professionally. When you are working, regardless of where you are, you are not at 'home' you are at work, and you need to develop that head. Same goes for employees. Its great to forger true friendships with the people you spend more than half your waking life with, but you HAVE to draw a clear line.

I have done the admin for my husbands business for years and although it was very much 'just part of our life' there was still 'work time' and 'home time'... though it was rather flexible, but we weren't paying each other!!! x

stuffitunderthebed · 24/05/2012 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLaughingCat · 24/05/2012 22:44

Rubirosa I do undrestand the process and what it will involve, She had a firm warning from me last year which resulted in her crying and me hugging her. I'm a rubbish employer Blush. and yes she is paid holidays and sick pay.
It is such a shame as when she is here she is good worker and works hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLaughingCat · 24/05/2012 22:47

aldi She knew from the start that this job is seasonal, She is more than happy with it , She does not need to work, her husband has a very high paid job, she works because she wants to.

OP posts:
YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 24/05/2012 22:50

YABU for this statement We discussed it and both decided that a young person would not be appropriate and we wanted someone a bit older with a bit of knowledge and experience of holding down a job and hard work.
I'm 23 and have held down a job and worked bloody hard for the last 7 years.
Tbh i'm finding it pretty funny that you hired her based on her age and she has turned out to be the most unreliable, work shy and lazy person you could have picked Grin

YANBU for expecting ANY employee to not take you for a mug

SuchProspects · 24/05/2012 22:52

YANBU to think she isn't treating the job properly. But it sounds like YWBU to just sack her. You're her manager, but you don't mention having talked to her about her performance at work. That is your job as a manager, you can't just duck out of it, sack her for not doing what you think she should and still be treating her fairly. Asking her if she is enjoying working is not the same thing as telling her you need her to be more reliable or her job is at risk. As Rubirosa says, there are legal requirements when firing someone in order to ensure they are treated fairly; you might get away with ignoring them, but it wouldn't be ethical.

SuchProspects · 24/05/2012 22:53

x-post. If you've really sat down and discussed it, then YANBU to start things rolling.

Noqontrol · 24/05/2012 22:54

Agree with pollykitten.

RightBuggerforit · 24/05/2012 22:55

Yanbu to sack her (imo) for being really unreliable, or you could reduce her to 2 days a week, since that's what she seems to be doing anyway!

YWBU to have discriminated on the basis of age when you employed her though. I hope you will be more professional (and compliant with equalities legislation) next time you employ someone.

Nancy66 · 24/05/2012 23:09

Sack her.

She's taking the piss and has been warned.

Original poster
TheLaughingCat · 24/05/2012 23:16

I did not discriminate with age but this is my home, Like I said in my op I was not happy at first to have anyone working for me. I did not advertise the job and I did not interview anyone. This Business will eventually be passed to my kids, My ds (15) has just done his works experience with us and he was great. Age was not a major issue BUT I need to feel comfortable with the person I am working with in my own home.

OP posts:
emsyj · 24/05/2012 23:17

I agree with the other posters who have said that this lady is treating the arrangement as casually as you appear to be. If the work is 'seasonal' and you want to be able to lay her off without a murmur for 12 weeks over Christmas then sorry, but YWBU to expect 100% commitment from her.

Akermanis · 24/05/2012 23:23

Did she steal all your paragraphs?

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 25/05/2012 06:47

Of course she likes working for you...she can treat you like a mug and get away with it!

Grow a backbone and follow your disciplinary procedure or just fire her...she's taking the piss!

rockinhippy · 25/05/2012 06:59

Years ago when I ran my own business I had a friend just like this, she worked for me for years & when I look back my biggest regret is that I didn't sack her - she is an inherently lazy cow & saw me as a soft touch - just as this woman does you

Sack Her!!!!

alphabite · 25/05/2012 08:26

What does your disciplinary procedure say?

If you don't have one I would give this 'friend' another chance to improve otherwise it could come back to haunt you in court. Give clear written targets to say how she needs to improve e.g. ANY absance needs a doctors note.

She will feel hard done to even though she is in the wrong. Remain positive with her and say you want it to work as she's a good friend and when she puts in the effort she is good at her job. Try to keep things as normal as possible during the disciplinary/monitoring period, be chatty, work as normal etc. If she then still takes the piss she then deserves to be sacked.

rookiemater · 25/05/2012 08:28

Akermanis Grin

bumbleymummy · 25/05/2012 08:47

Can you actually sack her without going through the whole procedure? You don't want to end up with an unfair dismissal claim against you.

I think you need to talk to her about it and start keeping details about meetings where you've spoken to her about it. If she doesn't change and you do end up dismissing her then at least you've covered yourself.