To have a hysterectomy at 30 - poss TMI...

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I'm 30 (just) and have a 17 month old DS.

Getting pregnant was very hard and was after 12 years of endometriosis and PCOS. I'm also diabetic so pregnancy was challenging for us both, resulting in early failed induction and EMCS.

Between 18 and 28 I had 7 large abdominal surgeries, all laparascopic but 4-5 hours each with extensive adhesions and widespread endo.

All those people who said endo is cured by pregnancy - nope. Had an MRI a few weeks back which showed widespread deep tissue endo in bowel and bladder, and a large nodule in rectovaginal septum ( wherever that is!)

So another big op coming up - this time laparotomy with bits of bowel resected :(

AIBU to have the hysterectomy for the sake of less pain and less risks? How do I stop the 'just one more baby...' heartache?

What a choice. Feel for you, it must be difficult.

I think the question is, do you want more? Can you have more? If the answer's a definite yes, then I would say to give yourself a time limit.

My aunt had a hysterectomy at 26 after her son was born. My mum at 37 after my youngest sister was born (she was due to have one at 35 but fell pregnant).

There's always a sadness when you're 'done' breeding, so take that into consideration too. I'm done, but I'm sad about it.

One child is not unfair, its as joyous as 2, 3, 4 etc., but if you can have more and want more then its not for me to say 'don't'... I guess you have some weighing up of things to do and I wish you the best of luck, in the meantime, I hope your pain lessens or that you find means to manage it enough. xxx

What a hard decision to make, But to me if the condition is getting worse and spreading to the bowel and bladder where else could it spread and what other problem could it cause.

I have a friend that was in her late twenties and had various problems she wanted to have a hysterectomy (NHS) and the surgeon would not perform it because he was not 100% sure that she did not want more children (she already had 3!). I don't know how common this is but it sounds like you are not completely sure so you may struggle to find a surgeon.

It's a big decision for you, my husband and decided 4 years ago 2 DC's were enough and he had the snip. I'm now 29 with endo and pcos and having ablation (sp) next month- I still get to keep everything without the hassle. This has been an easy decision as more DC's are out of the question. I feel for you as you Have a big choice to make.

On a more medical note if you do go ahead would ablation be an option to minimise recovery and hopefully do the same job?

I can only try and imagine what I'd do in your position, and I think I'd want ot know if my conditon was life threatening, and if it was, would having the hysterectomy reduce the chances of my dying "before my time" so to speak, and also, would it give me a better quality of life to spend with the child I already had?
There are no guarantees regarding future hypothetical children, but your DS is already here...

I'd love another - but we never ever thought we'd get DS, so feel very blessed with one. The risks are high, and my sensible head knows it's better for DS to have his Mum here and healthy than a brother or sister. My emotional head cries everytime another friend announces their 2nd, 3rd - and in one case 6th - preganacy.

A big part of it I think is that I yearn for a 'normal' pregnant and birth, without constant anxiety and abject terror that we'll lose the baby. I also had a large endometriotic cyst with DS's pregnancy which meant most of the time I was sore and scared, not blooming!

I'm so scared of having the op, which without the hysterectomy will be risky - but equally I'm fed up with needing enough painkillers to knock out a horse every day just to function. I'm also worried about being away from DS for 5-7 days, plus not able to lift him etc for 5-6 weeks :(

Sorry I'm maudlin tonight and whinging on - there are much worse things to have.

Just been in to check DS - spralled out with a teddy in each hand, murmuring in his sleep :)

tbh i know it's easy to say, but i wouldn't factor another baby into your decision. from what you've said, and i don't mean to sound horrible, another pregnancy might never happen anyway. you need to put your health first so you can enjoy the child you have. if you can have a hyterectomy, and it would have a positive effect on your current family and yourself, i think it is probably a sensible idea. at the same time though i can understand why you wouldn't want to have it. only you know what is best for you. good luck. x

I really feel for you. My mum had a hysterectomy at 30 - she had already 2 kids - me and my sis were young. However, she would have liked more. In those days there was no alternative. I asked her years and years later did she regret not having more children. She said no, she would have liked a boy as well as us two girls but she was happy and felt lucky to have us two. Dosent really help your decision, but you need to think long and hard. I've only got one due to fertility probs and age, and regretted it for a long time, but now I dont. I feel lucky to have what I've been blessed with. What ever you decide will be the right decision, but dont rush it. All the best x

Ablation may help but the spread is so far now that even with a hysterectomy, I'll still have symptoms - just hopefully less. Would still need the clear out and resection. Sorry to hear you have the same - bloody miserable isn't it?

Thankfully have had same surgeon for 8 years - he's happy to do whatever I want re hysterectomy at this stage. He's an absolute star luckily.

It's not life threatening thank God, but life altering. The hormonal mess I've been on on and off for 12 years carry risks though around endometrial cancer among other things - so I have v regular scans. No family history or risk factors for breast cancer so HRT not a problem - though that may fuel growth of unremived deposits.

Sigh - wish they'd just tell me what was best (though I'd be moaning then that they were forcing their choice on me

Ps my mum was in hosp 2 weeks with further 6 weeks couldnt lift anything more than a kettle. We all got on with it and were kind to her. I dont think it affected us, probably more her! We all pulled together, even though we were very young - 4 and 7. I think it made me appreciate my mum more knowing what she went through.

Thats reassuring, thank you :-) I am VERY fotunate to have a great DH, and DS has learned to dust the living room and his bedroom (albeit with babywipes..!) and push the dustbuster round the kitchen so he can help out a bit - though wouldn't trust him with the kettle in all seriousness though were blessed to have a very adaptable, happy little chap who will be quite happy to walk slowly (to pick up twigs / stones / bits of random paper), bring me his toys to play with (this morning we dressed and undressed his doll 8 times before I left for work...) and generally sit and relax with books. He's not got the hang of TV and has no interest in it - only time in my life I'll think that's a shame!

Bless your heart, mine is nowhere near as bad of yours but I'm sure we share the same guilt about being miserable because it's all such a mess/ feeling like a shit wife because sex is not on the cards 90% of the time/ the expectant look I give my gynae to wave a magic wand etc....;)

It sounds like taking it all out will let you enjoy life again- ps you could also ask for a designer vagina to give yourself a confidence boost for said new lease of life :) it won't add any more recovery time :))

Have it done I think- 6 weeks is nothing In the long run. I was crap being pg and delivering which contributed to his vasectomy- I just wouldn't want to do it! It's crap enough down below without more!! I do think that being out of pain will add more to your life than the 'what ifs' would detract. But only you can measure your wish for another Dc xxx

I'm gunning for a tummy tuck!

DH is great thank god - never any pressure etc - but when in feeling sore, fat (bloody hormone meds), spotty (ditto) and like Mike Tyson in terms of rage - sex just not on the list of priorities... On plus side the painkilling combo I'm on works, so yay for that!

Really hope your op goes well - and if you're able / don't mind, would appreciate some thoughts on benefits in the fullness of time x

My mum had an Hysterectomy only yesterday. She had fibroids and was losing so much blood, she has had to have a blood transfusion. 3 bags worth. She is 45 though, and my sister is 13 so can help a lot along with myself. She has been warned that she literally can not do anything even remotely strenuous for weeks, and is in a lot of pain right now BUT, it WILL be worth it. For her at least.

You really need to think this through properly as only you can decide. You will need a whole heap of help though for quite some time so do make sure that help is arranged.

Absolutely! I'm in on 27 June so will let you know how it goes! Myths tummy tuck made me laugh- Ive asked if there's any chance she could tidy my belly button whilst doing laparoscopy ! X

Myths? Your*

Stupid phone

Horribleday when making your decisions just keep in mind that, one is absolutely fine, and that a 'normal, text book' pregnancy and birth are actually rarer than you'd imagine!! xxx

I hope that whatever you decide you feel comfy with it.

I think half my problem bucking is dozing myself up and getting on with it, a la 5 days post c-sec hanging washing out ... Not going to be possible with this one, which leaves me feeling vulnerable and dependent. Really hope your mum's recovery is quick :)

Thanks shera and VERY good luck on 27th :)

I'm focusing on the benefits to one - may even stray into the section of the boards about that :) I only know 2 people who've had 'easy / normal' pregnancy and labour - both of them feel a bit cheated!!

Nope, you really must not just dose yourself up with this one and get on with it. It is major abdominal surgery and you really need to give yourself time to heal properly.

I understand what you mean though. My mum is the same and I am having to use blackmail to make her do as she is told so far and rest

Going from what you describe though, it is something which would benefit you so a few weeks of doing naff all and having your very own slaves would be worth it in the long run (which is the exact words I was citing to my mum a couple of hours ago)

And thanks :)

It SO hard to do nothing! was bad before DS, now I'm always on the go...

My Aunt has offered to have him for a week post-surgery which'll help - DH may well tie me to the sofa and ha e some friends who are happy to come stay when DH goes back to work. And DS will be in nursery 2 days a week by then.

The possibility of sleep without one ear open for DS sounds tempting :)

I'm just bricking it - with or without the hysterectomy I've never needed bowel surgery for it before. That terrifies me - because we'd been told we wouldn't ever fall pregnant, at previous surgeries I wasn't worried about the risk of uterine damage. But a colostomy (albeit temporary) really worries me. Only around a 10% chance of that though which is good.

Sorry am muttering and prevaricating to myself now!

Thanks all :)