to not buy a gift when dd is not attending the birthday party?

[cwtch4967]

DD has had a few party invitations recenty that she hasn't accepted due to clashes with family events etc. I always buy a gift when dd goes to a party but not if she doesn't go (except once when she was ill and couldn't attend last minute when I sent the gift with appologies for not being able to come).
I've noticed at least one class mum who always buys a gift for the party child when her child is not attending - is this the norm? Have I been doing this wrong for years?
What does everyone else do?

Same as you.

I buy a gift if attanding but don't if not. This seems to be the norm in DS and DD circle of friends.

Same as you but now worried am doing the wrong thing!

Don't panic, you're doing it right! :)

I've got 4dc, have had many parties for mine and must have sent them to over a 100 parties by now. I've only ever sent a gift when dd2 didn't attend as she was ill at the last minute. Oh and once I sent a gift to a Halloween party that I thought was a birthday party! (lovely Mum thought it was very funny, child was a bit baffled!)

We've never sent a present if we declined the invitation or received a present from someone who couldn't come.

I think it's a lovely thing to do, but you don't have to. There's a mum in our class that does that too. I'd liked to be organised enough to do that, but I'm not. It's up to you though, I don't think it's necessarily the norm.

I have occasionally bought a present, if the child is a particular friend of DDs. But no, it is not 'expected'.
The idea that a present is a quid pro quo for a party invitation always bemuses me though.

Unless the child is a special friend of either DD's I don't buy a gift unless we attend the party.

unless the child is the bestest best friend in the whole wordl then no i never bought a gift for the birthday child i dont see the point tbh ,

Just found out that the mum in question sent in a cake yesterday for the teachers birthday!!

Thats a competitive mum you have spotted

Like Pagwatch The DDs might choose to send something to special friends and I do to family friends, but not generally if not going.

Only if attending, unless a very good friend.

Nice thing to do but not expected

I bet she sends thank you cards for being invited to the party and when that is acknowleged she sends another one thanking them for the thank you for the thank you.

I bet she also has that 'gosh i am a busymumoftwounderten how on earth do I find time for all this' look about her.

Oh dear i think Mum wants their little darling to be mary in the nativity or perhaps star of the week , no normal person gives the teacher a birthday cake

I often buy a present for the child if we can't make the party, but draw the line at a birthday cake for a teacher. I wouldn't expect the same back though. I just tend to keep a stash of "bargains" here.

No, I wouldn't. Unless it was my son's "bestest" friend. Or we accepted the invite, and had to cancel at the last minute due to illness etc.

We only buy a gift if we attend the party, tho if we pulled out last minute due to illness and already had the gift we'd probably give it anyway. We don't expect a party bag or cake if we don't go either, so it goes both ways. If it's a special friend then we would probably do a gift anyway but if we aren't going or even worse we weren't even invited then usually no gift.

YANBU if my dc don't go to the party then we don't get the child a present unless of course it's family or close friends.