is DH? Or am I being hugely oversensitive?

[SillySooz]

Feel silly writing this really as DH is fab and have managed to calm myself down a bit on my walk into work but got myself in a right old state this morning about our relationship since I've become pregnant.

The 2 massive (possibly ridiculous) worries I have are that, he doen't really want this baby - I will explain more in a bit and that he's fed up with me.

Firstly it was a joint decision to try but I'm wondering if I was the one who pushed more, I had a total turnaround as hadn't ever wanted kids before and I got pregnant almost immediately (lucky me I know)

He just doesn't seem that interested in talking about much baby related, I waffle on and he seems bored. I asked him to feel my bump when we were chilling on hols and he said 'not now'. And when we had 12 week scan we came out and he said 'I don't know how I'm going to cope with this baby' I nearly cried my eyes out, wasn't the excitement I was expecting :(

I understand that it's hard for a man to relate but baby is moving now and he's not really excited about that either, we have 20 wk scan soon, so am hoping it will make a difference. He has a twin brother who's also having a baby and he just seems more together with the whole thing.

The other issue is that he's not showing me much affection or making me feel 'loved' if you know what I mean? He's a lovely guy and nice/kind to me but doesn't even kiss me anymore, or tell me he loves me and surely this is when I need it most? We're not really dtd at the moment so maybe he feels rejected too? But if he's not even affectionate with me, why would I want to?

Has he gone off me do you think? Is he scared about baby? Is it just that he can't relate? Because I'm hormonal I have been a bit of a moody cow but try really hard to not be a totally unreasonable bitch when I feel a rant coming on :)

I can't stress enough that he's a great DH apart from this, helps with the housework and everything in fact does much more than me

TIA

My partner acted in a very similar manner to your partner. We now have three children and are still together. Yes he does need to be a bit more sensitive to your needs and it sounds like you are trying to be with his. But he sounds scared to me. Try not to worry too much. I think he may just be finding the responsiblity a bit overwhelming. This isn't a bad thing really as he is facing the reality of bring a child into the world. Good luck with everything.

My DH was like that with our DC's. Never touched my bump and wasn't particularly interested in talking about baby stuff nor did he seem particularly excited.
He didn't do a lot with them when they were new borns either but came into his own when they were toddlers, lots of active play, was more than happy to change nappies etc. Twenty plus years later we are still together and he has a fantastic relationship with all the DC's and in fact friends who had much more involved DH's when their children were tiny, often say they wish their children has that sort of relationship now.
Sometimes men just aren't that interested to start with, protective yes, my DH said it was the time he realised that he could have been capable of hurting someone if they threatened his babies, but not terribly excited/interested.

My DH wanted a baby more than me. He was fine until the 12 week scan and once he saw a living being inside me, he went off me. He rarely touched my bump, lost most of his libido which was very frustrating , and zoned out when I talked about baby stuff. He was delighted when DD was born and loves her to bits and his attitude to me perked up no end once I was no longer pregnant. However, what I would say is that I was sure he would not be the most supportive at the birth due to his attitude (not nasty ever, but he was not involved enough for my liking). I was desperate not to be subjected to forceps and particularly a trial by forceps as I was scared of the damage they might do. He knew this, it was on my notes, but the consultant bullied me into it and I was too upset to stand up for myself. This is where a good birth partner is essential. DH did not stand up for me because he was not emotionally prepared and not 'read in' if you like. And 19 months later I've just had repairs done for the damage caused. I love him to bits but I do feel a bit let down by him in this respect. So if you think you need additional support at the birth, get it.

Disclaimer: forcep deliveries can save lives and do not cause everyone bad damage. My DD came out without a mark on her.

Congratulations on your pg and good luck. Oh, and YANBU...you're pregnant!

I think to be honest a lot of men are detached from the baby until it's actually born....its not insude them, they dont feel what we do so in a way they are sort of outsiders looking in!

You wait and see, once your baby is here safe and sound your DH will come into his own :)

Good luck and congratulations.

My DH was the same. He is just not that into babies until they're born. I was worried that he wouldn't bond with our first son as he never really seemed bothered about touching or talking to my bump - but the minute he was born he was completely smitten! He is a fabulous dad and DS is a total daddy's boy too.

I am pg with no 2 now and haven't been bothered this time around as I know DH will bcome I to his own when the baby is born. I must admit that privately it sometimes freaks me out when my bump is going from round to square so I can well imagine that it must be strange for DH too, especially since he doesn't have all the hormones flying around his body helping him bond with this little stranger.

I also think DH doesn't really find me particularly attractive when I'm pregnant either - we're not allowed to have sex for medical reasons during pregnancy which doesn't help, and I've swollen horribly (wearing those sexy flight sock things all the time) so I don't think he finds it too much of a trial. I know I don't look or feel my best right now but I'm confident that inside a few months after the baby is born and I'm getting back to normal that we'll get back on track.

I know mean are supposed to find their pregnant wives/ partners extra sexy and alluring during pregnancy but I think that's all a bit of a conspiracy to keep women sweet (IMO) - I know I've never felt less sexy than at present but I'm comforting myself that pregnancy is a temporary state at least!

I'm waffling now - but just to say that I think most of what you're describing is perfectly normal and not something to worry unduly about. Your DP is probably just facing up to his (natural) worries at the moment about providing and caring for your baby, it'll be a different story I'm sure when the baby us actually here.

Excuse all the typos, stupid iPad

I do know how you feel, and honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Men sometimes find it hard to visualise the baby, but mostly they come around once it's actually here.

I am current pg after doing IVF, and my DH has openly admitted he never wanted this baby, he is only doing this for me. But, he knows that once the baby is here, he will love her.

I also think men get very irritated by all the baby stuff talk.

Ladies, thank you all, this is why I love MN as I kind of felt he was probably acting quite normally for a first time dad to be but was feeling a bit needy and unloved this morning and wanted opinions before I broached the subject suddenly started ranting that he doesn't love me anymore

I guess it is a bit of a myth about men finding pregnant women sexy, I feel about as sexy as a dishcloth anyway, so haven't been overly keen and the thought of dtd erm.... doggy style for the next 4 months, well, I'll leave it at that!

My hornones really don't help, one minute I love him to death and could cry just thinking about it and the next he makes one jokey comment and I want to slap him :)

I hope he'll be a bit more excited after 20 week scan, I know I will be!