DH's new job will take him away a few night a week.

[Morebiscuitsplease]

DH has a new job. He is very excited, it is a great opportunity and much better salary. he will be away from home 3 nights a week. I am fine with this. His current post has meant long commutes so doesn't see a great deal of DDs during the week. He also gets pretty tired. Also he has had several overseas trips to Oz for a min of 4 weeks during which DD1 really misses him so feel this a better option all round. So why oh why does a friend say well he'll miss his daughters growing up. He will Skype one night a week at least and is home Thurs - Sun and as a family man spends his time with us. I feel it is very judgemental. :(

As has been said, it's what you make of it. There are plenty of fathers home every night who actually spend no time with their kids. If he is spending almost all his weekend time with them then they'll get more attention than many kids.

DH has to travel for the past year for work - up to 4 weeks away at a time. But skype etc does mean we keep in touch (even to the depths of darkest Africa ).

I find though that, even when he is working at his "home" office (in the city we live in - 6 km from the office), we don't see that much of him during the week.

If HE is happy with it and YOU are happy with it, and your DCs still get plenty of quality time with him (especially if its every week and your DCs can be in certain routines round when he is and isn't there), then THAT is all that is important. If you let all the do-good biddies tell you how you should feel, you'll spend the whole time crying and being depressed and upset about it - but in fact, you get the bed to spread out in half the week, you still all see each other lots, you can eat things the other doesn't like some nights, and you do get family snuggles (and couple snuggles) every week! Plenty of people will be envious of the GOOD setup that allows!

Different people have different expectations of life!! Mostly, it's what you make of it!! Make the most of the positives, recognise the possible downsides and mitigate against them.

If you can, use the extra money to make a tangible difference to your life on a daily basis, eg get a cleaner, pay a babysitter so you can get out of the house in the evenings occasionally, grocery delivery, kids tea out once a week so no washing up or whatever will take the burden off a bit and allow your family time to be more fun. Don't forget too that you and your DH need time together at the weekends too.

My dh works away a lot . He has a great job which gives us a good lifestyle . Dh has friends who commute 3 hours a day and work long hours in London. They don't see much of their kids either ! Like someone else said , he is lucky to have a job let alone a great job!

My DH commutes lots and also works away. As a result he sees our kids briefly on two weekday evenings and the weekend. He is a complete family man too and really makes up for it at the weekends. He spends so much time reading and playing with them. My Dad on the other hand was a workaholic. He worked locally and even when he was home he never gave us any attention - so he might as well have not been there at all. I think quality time is more important than quantity of time.

It is entirely normal to travel regularly for work overnight if you do a job with any kind of responsibilities. It won't do your DDs any harm at all to see that their father has those kinds of responsibilities and it will be lovely for you to have girly evenings!

My DH works away a lot (he's been away since Monday and is coming back on June 1st but it's usually Mon-Fri).

The way I see it is that he's getting paid. Which is nice. He's always been in the same industry and most of the money especially in this climate is in the SE. Which is a long way from us, but that's life.

I think sometimes HE feels he misses out but we spend all out weekends as a good unit so he makes up for a bit then.

It's nice to have a bit of time to myself but I do find that we clash over silly things. He feels I don't understand what it's like sleeping in a hotel night after night. I don't, sounds like luxury to me. I feel like he doesn't understand what it's like having every night broken by the baby or being on call 24 hours a day. He doesn't. But we know that we can't understand the other's POV so try to compensate.

It's not easy but it's reality. You'll be fine I'm sure!

There are plenty of working parents who get home from work half an hour before their kids go to bed and spend weekends pursuing their own interests. Do they see their children growing up?

If you're a close family and DH spends Thursday to Sunday with you all he's seeing his daughters grow up isn't he?

Dh is away Monday to Friday for half the month. The other half of the month he often misses bedtime because of his commute. He most certainly is not missing them growing up! What about the weekends? Dh is with the children for the whole of the weekend and does bedtime, takes them swimming etc.

We are not in this situation through choice. Dh has to work these hours to keep his job. We have received criticism from our parents generation and yet dh said when he was younger his dad was back at home by 5pm, would eat his meal and then disappear to his shed. The weekends were always spent with his mother and grandparents because his dad was at the allotment or fishing. His dad never changed a nappy or knew how to work the washing machine etc. But that's ok because he was not in the office...

It's different times now and you have to make the most of having a job.