to ask you what you would do

[YesIamYourSisterInLaw]

if your neighbour shouted and swore at her kids a lot and you wanted to help but hadn't spoken to them much

I wouldn't know. I doubt I'd hear her over my own foulmouthed bellowing.

Honestly?

I'd make an effort to get to know her - she might be a really nasty piece of work and you may need to phone the NSPCC for guidance or she might be a lovely woman who's at the end of her tether and just can't see the wood for the trees anymore who needs a friend and too feel that she isn't on her own anymore.

If that were me, I'd hope someone would extend the hand of friendship before condemning me.

I hope that doesn't read like an accusation. It wasn't intended to.

Omg you're MY neighbour!!!

What sensuallettuce said

Oh dear i hope i'm not SL i'd die if she read this i'v tried to be as vague as possible.
It's a lot of verbal abuse as well which worries me although i'm in no way judging i just want to know how to tell her i can help without her telling me to f off (kids are only little)

thepeoplesprincess

I had this issue with my neighbour, very loud, very horrible abuse direct to her two/three yo daughter repeatedly. I spoke to the HT at my children's infant school who contacted the local outreach type worker (based in the former SureStart centre). They have visited the family numuerous times now and I have been advised to call the police each and every time I hear it, so they can effectively build a case.

It's a horrible situation to be in, as I have absolutely no wish to be a nosy
PITA neighbour,but there's no way I could continue to listen to that wee girl beng sworn and shrieked at all hours of the day and night.

I, personally, wouldn't raise it with the neighbour directly (unless you're already close).

To clarify, this couple didn't sound like they were at the end of their tether. We would often be woken at 2am or later by them telling this little girl to 'shut the fuck up" "fuck off, I don't want you" "get to fuckin sleep before I have to sort you fucking out you little bitch". Our walls are pretty thick, so I can only imagine how horrific it must have been for the wee girl to listen to that (especially as i have never heard this abuse directed at their the two younger boys, but I gather the "dad" is only the biological father of the boys).

Boris it's the same here but were not direct neighbours so don't hear anything at night just during the day when windows are open etc. Like yours she doesn't sound at the end of her tether and its not just a bad day.

How do i all the sudden try to get to know her after we have lived next door for a while?

From experience I wouldn't. If it does go down an "official" route, you will be first in the firing line, even if you didn't do the reporting.

No, I wouldn't "befriend" her. It sounds as if she is being abusive to her child. I agree with Boris. Poor kid.

Boris that's made my heart ache, thank God you did something about it. Good for you

Boris, have things improved for the little girl at all? Poor little mite. Thank god she has you to look out for her. Well done for stepping up and not ignoring. Op, I'd follow Boris's example if I were you. I wouldn't take the neighbour yourself. Good luck.

Thanks, but I only wish things move faster. SS appears to be a very slow moving beast.

On a brighter note, now that the powers that be are involved there has been some improvement. There are no middle of the night screaming sessions and the usual shouting through the day has reduced dramatically. I put most of this down to the fact that the husband and wife have basically been ordered to make sure the little girl attends the local nursery, so there are more eyes watching now iykwim? Although, I could cry when I see the mother dragging her out in the mornings, grubby looking, crazy hair and totally inappropriate clothing (last week, in temps of about 9 degrees in the morning the wee one was wearing a sun dress, no coat or cardigan (the mother wasn't carrying one for her either, in case you were thinking tantrum on the way out).

Fingers crossed the improvements continue and the parents step up and sort things out, but I won't hold my breath.

So sad. It actually makes me feel queasy to see a child being dragged and yelled at it takes all my strength not to jump in the middle. The trust the little children place in us parents; how some can betray it like this is beyond me. You've made a huge difference to that little girl's life, Boris.

You would be within your right to report to SS and they will at the very least log the information. It may be that they already have a big long file on the family anyway.

I had to do this from a professional POV and when I spoke to SS they said they had only just signed the family off from SS so would start a file up again. AFAIK they do take it seriously but it is a long and difficult process and they need to carefully follow the rules. Sometimes this takes too long and, well we know what can happen then.

I think go with SS.

I believe in doing something, too many people do nothing and then there's all this handwringing when the child is hurt/killed. Maybe someone at SS will take it seriously and give the child a chance at a better life whether that's with her parents or someone else. But it definitely won't change for the better if no one does anything.