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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this party invite for DS because I couldn't be bothered to take him

25 replies

rookiemater · 22/05/2012 19:41

DS aged 6 is an only so normally I don't get the grumbles about taking him to parties as its generally only once or twice a month. I will ask him if he wants to go and provided its a yes then we take him along.

However we have got an invite for a party right across town, it will take me a good half hour to get there - party boy and most of invitees live on this side of town. I have never been there before and I'm not a wildly confident driver. I also don't know if there is anywhere in the area to amuse myself whilst he is there and it's too far to go home. DS has swimming class that morning has already missed a few so don't want him to miss any more - plus whilst he is at swimming I can grab 30 mins in the gym as DH is away that weekend its my only chance to get in any exercise.

I feel really rude saying no - DS is unbothered about wether he goes or not ( I may have told a white lie and said it was at a venue that he didn't like, well ok just a lie.

I might be angsting too much about this, but have been brought up to accept invitations to be polite. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Debeezandbirds · 22/05/2012 19:45

YANBU to take them swimming instead, your life and if they're happy job done.

YABU to have lied about the venue, he'll click when everyone else talks about it. Rod for your own back if he doesn't trust you in future.

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2012 19:45

The fact that you're bothering to RSVP is a plus!

Sometimes it's just not convenient so don't beat yourself up.

However - if loads are declining, you might want to re-think...

bitofcheese · 22/05/2012 19:45

reading your post reminds me of previous similiar situations. i think you already know the answer.....DON'T GO!! as long as ds isn't bothered i think you would be mad to bother, too many reasons not to. it's not as if his life quality will go down by not going, don't put yourself through hell for nothing, i wouldn't (well, i do sometimes but not automatically!)

DublinMammy · 22/05/2012 19:46

Don't go but so RSVP to say that you can't. Don't give a reason, just a polite "thanks but no thanks".

Original poster
rookiemater · 22/05/2012 19:47

Debeez I didn't outright lie I said I thought it was the same venue as last time (well its in the same inaccessible part of town) but I take your point.

OP posts:
Firawla · 22/05/2012 19:48

half an hour is not really far away! I was going to say yabu and its a real shame for your ds but the swimming complictes it a bit, if he has missed loads of swimming maybe it is good for him to go there but if it was me i would have probably took him to the party, or atleast told him the real venue so he can decide properly

catyloopylou · 22/05/2012 20:19

YABU and a bit of a wuss re having to drive all of half an hour and not know what to do with yourself while party is on. Google the area to see what's around, go for a walk, take a book and sit in the car to read, take your gym kit and find somewhere to run and workout outside as you would have done while your DS was swimming.

If your DS doesn't want to go knowing all the details then fine, but you shouldn't lie just cos you don't want to go.

Cabrinha · 22/05/2012 20:19

Half an hour isn't far at all! And I'm sorry, but people who say they aren't confident drivers annoy me. Seriously? You're not confident driving half an hour across town? Get some lessons based around whatever manoeuvres or situations worry you, and build your confidence. You will be a safer driver. So those reasons - YABU.

Also maybe a bit unreasonable about not having anything to do - bring a book?

But factoring in the swimming and him not bring bothered - YANBU. So decline. No biggie.

quirrelquarrel · 22/05/2012 20:20

YANBU....you're a person first, mother second. Do what you like, unless you're turning down every invitation because you can't be asked, which you're obviously not.

Mrsjay · 22/05/2012 20:22

It isnt convenient to take him you have other things on that day not all can go to every party , when mine were wee i declined some as i dont drive its really no Biggie he doesnt go Smile

thepeoplesprincess · 22/05/2012 20:23

Depends. How would you feel if you were a mum who'd forked out £150 for a party that none of your kid's friends could get to because their parents couldn't be fucked to take them?

(wanders off, muttering bitterly)

timetoask · 22/05/2012 20:24

Poor birthday child! Half an hour is not much.
I drove one hour last weekend for a birthday party. I put myself in the other person's shoes and would hate for people not to turn up.

Hulababy · 22/05/2012 20:26

How does he feel about going (based on correct venue)?
Would he rather go there than not?

IMO half an hour's drive is nothing.

Is there nowhere at the venue you can sit with a book and a coffee?
Or google places nearby?

But if he isn't bothered or it is too inconvenient rsvp as soon as you can.

Meow75isknittinglikemad · 22/05/2012 20:26

Please remember an invitation is just that, not a summons!!

They've been nice enough to invite you, that's great. However, I'm terribly sorry but we are busy that day. It's not like they'll be offended - disappointed maybe, but that's ok too. It's nice to be wanted!!!

AdventuresWithVoles · 22/05/2012 20:28

It's no biggie in grand scheme of things if you don't feel like going. Just politely decloine.
Bit of a wuss to think half hour of driving is much, though.

Meow75isknittinglikemad · 22/05/2012 20:28

Hang on, no-one forces anyone to "fork out" for a party. Its' success or failure is NOT the OP's responsibility.

Mrsjay · 22/05/2012 20:30

The poor Birthday child Please ! she declined the invite im sure the poor Birthday child will cope the parents will cope nobody needs to lose out , poor Birthday child Hmm

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/05/2012 20:30

How good a friend is your ds to the birthday child?

If the birthday child is a friend that he plays with regularly, talks about, they have been to each others houses etc, then I think you should go. It would be good for your ds to learn that you do things for your friends.

If the birthday child is more of a classmate and your ds has been invited because the whole class has been invited, then don't go. It would be good for your ds to learn that if he has lessons for something then they come before parties.

Original poster
rookiemater · 22/05/2012 20:34

Cabrinha - I guess it's more accurate to say that I do not enjoy driving particularly city driving, I am a perfectly competent driver. Not sure why that would annoy you though.

DS really isn't that bothered, he has turned down invites where he isn't that keen on the venue or child before and whilst I agree that yes I should have shown him the exact venue I was a little worried that he would be keener to go just because it's somewhere new. Bad mother.

OP posts:
MummysLittleSunbeams · 22/05/2012 20:38

Just decline it'll be fine.

I'm constantly amazed at how many birthday parties kids get invited to these days & how all of my dd's friends seem to have a party EVERY BLOODY YEAR!!!

Cabrinha · 22/05/2012 20:52

OK, fair enough - there's a difference between not enjoying driving but being competent at it, and not being a confident driver.
You ask why it annoys me? Because taking to the road is one of the most dangerous things many people do - and drivers who lack confidence are a risk. It annoys me when people say 'oh I'm not a confident driver' like that's OK. It's not. Get lessons. Go out somewhere quiet and practise. If you are not a good driver - do something about it.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 22/05/2012 20:56

Yanbu I am refusing one for simialar reasons for DD aged 4. It's in a horrible playcentre when there are MUCH nicer ones nearer to the school they attend and where most people live. I can't get there....I wont ask my Mum for a lift as its in a weird part of town and she's not a confident driver...as my DH says, they can't go to ALL the parties.

Were my DD older, I would ask a friend in the same class if she could tag along but at 4 she's too little...couldn't one of DSs classmates take him?

treefumaster · 22/05/2012 21:03

I am ruthless with this. I say yes to the ones I can stand to go to and no to the ones I can't. I have a life too. Not much of one but still a bit of one (single parent with 2 DCs so anywhere they go I have to go).

Original poster
rookiemater · 22/05/2012 21:03

Houseonthecorner I could see if anyone else going but it would still mean him missing his swimming lesson and I really enjoy our swimming mornings - we have a splash around together either before or after the class and have lunch at the gym where DS plays with some of his friends and I chat with mine.

He he this is a typical AIBU as in thanks to those of you agreeing with me!

Cabrinha I would have said that the people that believe they are great drivers are more of a risk as they are over confident in their own abilities. I deliberately do not take risks but I wouldn't say I drive overcautiously if the road was full of drivers like me it would be a bit slower, but there would be very few accidents.

OP posts:
Jubilcece · 22/05/2012 21:09

I think if he gets a lot of invitations normally and it is not a BFF of your DS then I think it is fine to say no.

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