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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this hen do?

23 replies

CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 20:23

£150 for a night in London plus money for drinks and an outfit for the 'theme', I really don't like the person who is the hen and can't bear spending longer than half an hour in their company before we both start getting snippy and that's when we're sober, we're diabolical when we're drunk!

To add insult to injury, it's my sister who is getting married and family expectations are that I go and that she invite me. So AIBU to either state outright that I don't want to go or create some kind of excuse like our pet llama Jeff ran away or we had a family of ants set up home in the kitchen and we're helping them get a mortgage....

OP posts:
Tangointhenight · 21/05/2012 20:25

Are you 'on' the wedding? Does your sister know you don't like her? If so then it shouldn't be such a big deal if you don't go.

ENormaSnob · 21/05/2012 20:26

No don't go.

dearprudence · 21/05/2012 20:26

YANBU to not want to go, but if it will cause problems with your family, I'd suggest that you go, but don't spend the night and don't drink - make up an excuse about antibiotics if you need to.

Labradorlover · 21/05/2012 20:29

Politely decline invite, saying you don't want to wreck her hen night by getting drunk and arguing...........you can save that for the wedding Wink

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/05/2012 20:29

Until you said it was your sister, I was wondering why you were even asking!

But as it is your sister, I think you should go. If you don't it could do irreparable damage to your relationship, which although doesn't sound great, is still a relationship with a sister. You are going to have to deal with her for a long time yet, I wouldn't want to make that harder than it has to be.

Has she actually done something for you to dislike her so much, or do you just not get on?

iklboo · 21/05/2012 20:33

'Sorry, I can't make it. I'm having adamantium fused to my skeleton a la Wolverine that weekend'.

Any chance you can avoid the hen do but offer to take her for afternoon tea/cocktails another time?

Lilyloo · 21/05/2012 20:38

Are you part of the wedding party, bridesmaid? I think you really should make the effort for your sister.

Original poster
CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 20:39

We've never got on but I've always been the one to bite my lip, in recent times I've had to be that person as I'm the one with children and want them to have a relationship with their aunt not clouded by family politics.

I can bite my lip when sober, I just can't do so when i've had a drink. But when i'm sober and she's drunk I tend to just end up with a mouthful of abuse from her so it's a full on lose lose situation :(

OP posts:
Original poster
CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 20:40

I like it iklboo! I really don't want to spend any time with her celebrating it and in all honesty that in itself upsets me :(

lilyloo thankfully no

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 21/05/2012 20:43

If you both feel the same about each other, then she probably doesnt really want you there either, and is just being polite by inviting you. Just dont go.

upahill · 21/05/2012 20:45

our pet llama Jeff ran away

Grin I always like a good llama drama!!

ProcrastinateWildly · 21/05/2012 20:47

God it sounds awful and expensive, even if you did like the hen.

Original poster
CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 20:51

upahill Llama Drama's are the way forwards.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 21/05/2012 20:53

It depends what the theme is. Tell us the theme, it will help me decide if YABU or not.

Original poster
CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 21:10

Lynette it's 'naughty but nice'

OP posts:
Gumby · 21/05/2012 21:14

Are you going to dress up as a cream cake?!

dearprudence · 21/05/2012 21:57

Right, now I've heard the theme, just say you can't go.

LynetteScavo · 21/05/2012 22:08

Naughty but nice? Oh, FFS, don't go.

The whole thing sounds just to painful.

LynetteScavo · 21/05/2012 22:11

Go on, I dare you!

chocoroo · 21/05/2012 22:11

Do you work? Could there be a work trip that's come up at thr same time? Or a school trip for DC which means you need to be with them that weekend?

I think I'd just bow out last second with a random illness to be honest.

Angelico · 21/05/2012 22:13

Don't go.

Original poster
CanISawItOff · 21/05/2012 22:15

Oh my days that is a brilliant costume! ha ha ha ha I could ask them to leave me in charge of providing her costume couldn't I....

I think she's getting at doing the whole slutty dress thing but in a non TOWIE manner, possibly, i don't know it's my total idea of hell!

OP posts:
Goldrill · 21/05/2012 22:47

It is allowed to not get on with your sister! I definitely wouldn't be on the invite list if mine were getting wed, and nor will she be on mine. We just don't get on and have had nearly four decades to get used to it - it's not the end of the world! We are lucky though as parents have accepted this and are quite chilled about it so no pressure from them - if my mum was to get upset about it I might feel a bit more obliged to ake an effort.

In our case any kind of social event will (almost always) end in bloodshed so if you get on anything like we do you might be doing her a favour by not going...

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