re DP and his attitude towards DD1's diabetes??

[xxmush1983xx]

Morning all...

I probably am being totally unreasonable but need some perspective!

DD1 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes earlier on this year, needs blood glucose monitored regularly (before meals, before and after activity etc) and needs insuliin before eating substantial meals (carby snacks between meals are ok, especially if she has been active).

Yesterday I went to the shop and when I came back DD1 was nowhere to be seen, asked DP where she was - walked to park with neighbour and her kids. Fair enough, but when I asked him if he had checked her glucose levels and given her a snack to take with her and hypo stuff etc, he was like eh?? What do you mean? I was a bit because park is around 10 minutes walk and neighbour doesn't have my number incase she went hypo. Anyway, mistakes happen.

Later on, another neighbour comes to door and tells DP that he has given DD some of his battered sausage and chips () and DP is all, oh, don't worry, it's fine etc. I come to the door and am like, look, no harm done but no, it's not really ok, she needs insulin before things like that, just so you know in the future.

I'd rather people knew about her condition if she is going to be supervised by them, but DP was more for not causing a problem with the neighbour (who was, incedentally, fine with me saying this). Had a big arguement with DP about him not taking her condition seriously enough, and he was like, fine, all down to you now (obv said in heat of moment, he would never actually do that!).

But, AIBU to maybe get the diabetes specialist nurse to sit down and have a chat with him about these things? He knows her condition is serious, but I don't know if he understands HOW serious it could get if things go wrong.

Thanks :)

YANBU.
It's not just about the hypos (which are bad enough) but poor diabetes control can cause all sorts of horrendous body damage.

Your DH needs to educate himself fast.

No YANBU.

DD1 has multiple severe allergies and DH has had phases of being like your DP. I suppose it is similar in a way in that, as the parent of an allergic child, you do sometimes have to ruffle feathers to keep the child safe. Being assertive in restaurants, explaining stuff to other parents etc, reminding family etc - DH is hopeless at this. Would much rather not upset anyone by mentioning allergies. I would also rather not issue reminders (and I do it pleasantly I hope!) but I see DD's safety as vastly more important.

I too think he needs a reminder from a health professional. My DH just reacts badly to anything I ask him to do I think/any implied criticism. DD sometimes tells me he has said " I had better read the ingredients, or mummy will be angry with me..." - a bit pathetic I think, because actually the 'or' in that sentence should be "or you run the risk of a life-threatening reaction..."

Good luck OP - he is probably in denial a bit which isn't a useful strategy in these circumstances!

I think some posters are being a bit unfair assuming he is irresponsible, or in denial.

If he hasn't been much involved in her diagnosis and ongoing care and you have completely taken the reins regarding DDs management then it's unsurprising that he doesn't understand the implications.

Of course he needs to get more involved and ideally should be coming to appointments and getting involved with the specialist team too. But if he hasn't due to circumstances ie work then you can't really blame him for not "getting it"!

Drag him along tomorrow by hook or by crook

It sounds like he would definitely benefit from hearing it from someone 'official' - that might make him realise just how serious it is and how it's not 'ok' to be a people pleaser to the detriment of his DD's welfare. You might want to give the nurse the heads up about being as blunt and forthright as possible!

Of course your DD comes first - but also...

He also needs to understand how completely unfair he's being on anyone looking after DD (even if it's just a trip to the park) by not telling them and making sure they understand what to do/what she needs. I would happily take your DD out, have her stay overnight etc - no problem, but if I didn't know about her condition and have her kit, if anything happened I would be furious that I was on the back foot with it all - it is just not fair to do that to people!

Thank you so much for all your responses. Dp has since said that I'm right, but he feels like I take over the care a lot, and does want to know more about it. Fair enough, I was on my own with the 2 DDs for a while when we split up so I probably do take over a bit because am used to doing things myself so maybe I need to step back a bit and let him learn. DP is coming along to clinic this afternoon, and I have forwarned the nurses that he wants to be educated more, will let you know how that goes!