Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want friend to buy the house I grew up in

51 replies

Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 22:31

An old family friend of mine has their London house up for sale and is planning to move to the sticks. As a child I lived in remote but beautiful part of the country in a grade 2 listed farm house that was from an outsiders point if view pretty idyllic. Anyway said friend has been dropping big hints about contacting the current house owner to make an offer and with the equity they have in their London place the offer could be extremely tempting.

I know nothing has been agreed but aibu to not want my childhood memories to become distorted by this friend living there? I can just imagine seeing photos on Facebook of their family enjoying 'my house' and it makes me feel slightly sick!

OP posts:
WenTheEternallySurprised · 20/05/2012 22:52

Oddly, I'd feel the opposite. I'd take comfort in the fact that someone I knew and liked was going to take over my childhood home, that there was still a connection there (and hopefully the invitation to visit). A stranger buying would upset me far more. Like Euphemia my Grandparent's house was bought by a couple who ripped up the carpets, laid laminate, redecorated and so on - that hurt. I had by a peculiar chance an invitation from them to pop in for tea but just couldn't face it, as nice as they are. I could have handled someone I know doing it, I would still feel a part of the home if it was owned by friends. I explained why I didn't feel up to accepting the offer of a cuppa to the new owners and sent them flowers as a thank you and they were generous in their understanding.

If your friend does buy your old home perhaps you could look upon it that this way you won't have lost the house forever.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 20/05/2012 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 22:53

No buried bodies promise - well not by our family anyway!- but strangely enough there is a murder connected to the house that occurred at the turn of the century. Without outing myself too much the master of the house murdered his wife for ratting on him when he went AWOL from the army. The murder happened in a local meadow with a meat hook - very grisly apparently! Hmm

OP posts:
MarySA · 20/05/2012 22:55

Absolutely not. YANBU. I'd hate it. Make up a tale about subsidence or something.

Tizzylizzy · 20/05/2012 22:55

I really would love to know why she wants it? If it is that she used to play in it with you and feels a connection to the house too then it's lots less creepy IMO - but nonetheless I can imagine a bit hard for you.

If it's that she hunted down your childhood home then that's v strange - and I also find it weird she'd put an offer on a property that's not on the market - do people even do that?! If someone came and offered me what our house is worth I'd tell them to get stuffed. I don't fancy moving! And who would offer more than a property's worth unless you're some kind of Robert Redford type Indecent Proposal character?

edam · 20/05/2012 22:58

I think it's odd that people feel so strongly about new owners ripping out carpets and changing houses. Not wrong, just surprises me. I drove round to my Gran's old house after her funeral (she'd not lived there for a few years, had been in a home) and was just curious about what the new owners had done (new windows and conservatory as far as I could see, they were in so we coudn't look too closely). I've been back to have a quick shufti at both my main childhood homes and just been interested in what people have done, not bothered about it. Maybe my lack of attachment is because we moved house several times? I have very happy memories from all these three houses but am not worried at all about people changing them.

TheSecondComing · 20/05/2012 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 20/05/2012 22:59

Sorry, meant to say to OP, I can understand it might well be weird for a friend to buy your childhood home. Especially if she knew it well and visited when you were there. That is quite peculiar.

Original poster
Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 22:59

Tizzy as I said he visited quite a few times years ago and it is just the sort if place you think 'oh this would be a great place to raise my family in' . He now has ' so maybe it's a dream he'd like to realise.

OP posts:
Tizzylizzy · 20/05/2012 22:59

Shufti :)

Tizzylizzy · 20/05/2012 23:01

Not so weird then. Take it as a compliment?

Original poster
Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 23:02

That should be' he now has kids'

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 20/05/2012 23:03

I guess it should be flattering if they visited the house as a child and feel it would be a good family home.

My parents and my uncle made themselves significantly worse off to keep my grandparents house in the family. I wish they hadn't as it now looks like more money will be needed to keep it in the family Sad

Original poster
Whirliwig72 · 20/05/2012 23:03

No wrong wrong wrong!!!! Grin it's the residential equivalent if a friend marrying your ex!

OP posts:
KiwiKat · 20/05/2012 23:06

I imagine your friend has similarly happy memories of the house from visiting in childhood, nothing creepy about that. Feelings aren't logical, you have every right to want to preserve your memories by keeping the house in strangers' hands where you won't see it on Facebook.

In real life, however, any person has a right to live in the house, so you will have to bite your tongue if your friend pursues his dream of living there. You have moved away and live elsewhere now - wouldn't it be nice for the house to have someone who truly loved it to live in it?

Share the love!

AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 23:06

it's the residential equivalent if a friend marrying your ex

Hahaha! That's it!

:o

NarkedPuffin · 20/05/2012 23:10

So it's not even for sale? They're just going to approach the current owners? Shock

FatherDougalMcGuire · 20/05/2012 23:12

Had you bad memories of your childhood there I would totally get where you are coming from, but i'm with Wen on this one, and think it'd be lovely to know that people I knew and liked were happy there.

Actually a primary school friend of my mothers bought my grandparents house last year, she said she wanted it because my Mum befriending her when she joined the school late and was picked on by everyone else had made her feel safe and that the house held lovely memories for her. Perhaps it's something similar for yr friend?

ravenAK · 20/05/2012 23:14

YANBU. Horrible to see 'your' house not being 'yours' anymore.

A friend of mine inherited his dad's house. His dw was under NO circumstances prepared to live there (wrong end of the country, huge & impractical, she's convinced it's haunted etc etc).

Friend couldn't bring himself to sell it, so they ended up letting it to hordes of students who trash the place annually. This makes friend miserable as he has to go & sort it out, & witness his much-loved family home being turned into something out of the Young Ones. He can't sell it now (negative equity), although frankly by now he'd love to never set eyes on it again.

Not much you can do, though, other than be honest with your friend if he's a good enough friend...

bogeyface · 20/05/2012 23:17

Approaching current owners of a house a person wants but isnt for sale is actually quite common. It works because the owners might be tempted by a good offer (often above market value), not having to arrange estate agents etc and having a sale which, if it falls through, wont affect them as they can just stay put!

Estate agents used to (dont know of they still do) canvass owners of houses in popular areas to try and get them to sell too.

I like the comment above that atleast you know the house will be loved, not bought and used as income by some souless property developer. Another child will have the same memories as you, thats got to be nice surely?

You are passing on the gift of your happy memories :)

NarkedPuffin · 20/05/2012 23:27

I know Bogey, but it means that the friend is actively pursuing the house rather than was in the area/browsing on property sites and saw it was up for sale.

Birdsgottafly · 21/05/2012 00:28

If it's a grade two listed house, it will probably be quite unique, it's not like he has an whole estate to choose from, so less 'creepy', especially if he always loved it.

Also less chance of ripping it apart, everything will need planning permission and be approved.

When my nan died, her council house was rented to a man who destroyed the garden that she and i had worked hard on (he had alcoholic parties) and committed identity theft because the bank mistakingly sent stuff to that address.

She left the house in a lovely condition and would of loved the idea that a family was enjoying the garden. It made me quite sad that a decent tenant didn't get it.

accountantsrule · 21/05/2012 09:05

YANBU and YABU!

I bought my nans house as they needed to move to a flat as they couldn't manage the stairs any longer. We used to sleep over there at least twice a week when we were younger and I love the fact that my DC sleep in my dads, and then mine and my brothers old rooms.

I bought it when I got married to XH and at first when I got together with DH he really wanted to sell and buy somewhere together but I got pregnant with DS1 and once we started redecorating how we wanted it felt like home to him so we are still there.

I have no plans to ever sell the house and I hope one of my boys will stay there when we're gone.

BUT, if my nan had sold to someone else then there's nothing I could have done about it and they would have every right to buy it.

accountantsrule · 21/05/2012 09:08

Also, we have completely remodelled the house, walls knocked down etc and it doesn't look remotely similar but it was still their house regardless of what it looks like now, it belonged to a close family friend before that (from the time it was built) so it has always been in our family. Its nothing special really, just a normal 3 bed house.

Fireandashes · 21/05/2012 09:37

While seeing the positive it's-a-compliment-really perspective, I do think it's slightly weird that out of all the millions of houses in the country, he's targeting this particular one which isn't even for sale. Without knowing more about your friendship/ his personality, the first thing this makes me think is that he has some kind of obsession or unfinished business with the house - maybe stemming from some unexpressed jealousy that your family lived in a nicer house than his did (assuming this to be the case).

Or, he really likes the house and doesn't have much imagination.