Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be worried about DS1 future.....

16 replies

babyinarms · 20/05/2012 22:08

Ds1 recently diagnosed with specific language delay. He is only 7 and is falling behind in school and finding reading very hard. I worry about how this will affect his future and am hoping it will improve for him. Anyway I say this to my friend and she tells me to stop' stressing' over it and she feels it will just 'click' one day for my DS.
What annoys me most is that she knows nothing about the diagnosis . I would like to se how she would react if the school called her into say they are REALLY CONCERNED about her DC!!!And then to put him through all these assessments and then have to fight for resource hours for him, then maybe she could tell me not to stress it!!!!!!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 20/05/2012 22:11

YABU really towards your friend. She doesnt know the diagnosis, so all she is doing is trying to reassure you and say kind words to try and help.

VikingVagine · 20/05/2012 22:13

My DS is similar, he's almost 10, it still hasn't "clicked" and I doubt it will. He's never going to enjoy reading (DH and I are bookworms, so hard for us to understand) but I think he'll get by all the same. I tell myself there are plenty of jobs out there where you don't need to be an avid reader or writer, and he's very manual. I just try to encourage him without putting pressure on, because that just makes him stressed and leads to physical repercussions. So long as he's happy, that's all that matters for now.

AnAirOfHope · 20/05/2012 22:14

Im dyslexic and i have a degree in business studies.

As a mum all you can do is find out what help your child needs and try your best to provide it.

My best advice is to find out what your childs strenths are and build on that.

YABU as your friend is trying to support you so you shouldnt be angry with her.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 20/05/2012 22:14

YANBU of course...BUT...is he ok socially? Is he happy? Does he have hobbies whch he enjoys?

A learning disability does of course impact on a childs future but there is no reason to assume that he will not...or can not...be massively successful in whatever field he does excell at.

Your friend sounds ignorantly well meaning...she doesnt' know what to say and so gives you platitudes meant to make you feel better but which inflame you. You could ask her specific questions instead of pouring stuff out? Ask her advice on dealing with the assessments and how to help DS get his confidence up?

CrumpettyTree · 20/05/2012 22:14

I don't think she is being kind telling you to stop stressing over it. It makes it sound almost as if she is irritated by you making a fuss about nothing. She doesn't sound very sympathetic. Hope you manage to get help for your son OP.

VikingVagine · 20/05/2012 22:16

(forgot up to say yes, YABU towards your friend, I think you need to relax otherwise you're going to stress out your DS!)

AnAirOfHope · 20/05/2012 22:17

Also i couldnt read till i was 11yo and i found point horror books then i went thru two per week.

Things can improve with help and motavation.

ilovesooty · 20/05/2012 22:18

YABU towards your friend, who is only trying to help.

YANBU to be worried.

Original poster

babyinarms · 20/05/2012 22:18

I know thank you! He is so much happier since being diagnosed as we were always pressurising him to talk to granny, grandad etc and tell them about this and that, as we thought he just didnt want to tell them but now realise he just couldnt, so there is def an element of guilt on my side!
As for friend I know she meant well but just prob said it at a bad time!

I do worry a lot for him but its early days and i hope this will all settle!

OP posts:

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 20/05/2012 22:20

I totally empathise with the stressing out OP....I am a MASSIVE worrier about my DC...but you have to chill...it's not good for DS....of course it is a worry but having him assessed can only help and they will then work towards getting him to where he should be...this is all GOOD!

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 20/05/2012 22:22

Don't feel guilty...parents are not specialists (usually!) and there are a million things which we would love to be able to predict or to stop happening before they do....but we just can't....I am glad he's happier since getting diagnosed! It must be a relief for him. x

EmmaCate · 20/05/2012 22:27

Well, you shouldn't be stressed about it so I think your friend has a point. Worrying is not going to improve matters; accept it and show your son the way forward in doing so. There will be ways he can cope in adulthood I'm sure; I know many dyslexic and whatever-the-number-version-is people who are very successful.

I'm sorry though you are having to deal with it. I just think a positive (but not rose-tinted) attitude could help here.

Original poster

babyinarms · 20/05/2012 22:28

Thank you THOTC. It is great to see him so happy now! He is even talking abit more already, instead of just shrugging things off, but still struggling at school, but its such early days i know! He also has some good friends and enjoys afew hobbies too:)
Feel bad about feeling like that towrds friend as she is usually such a great support to me, I know I overreacted but its been a sressful month for so many reasons!:(
Anyway TG I didnt ay anything to friend, I just changed the subject!

OP posts:

FeakAndWeeble · 20/05/2012 23:00

I have special needs in mathmatics which affected loads of subjects at school - I couldn't tell the time or read a bus timetable by the time I was 15. I remember my mum being in tears and getting so stressed that she'd yell at me about how simple a maths problem was when she was helping with my homework (she's a lovely mum she was just absolutely at her wits end). I'd gotten into Grammar school because my English score was so high but my maths was the lowest ever in my county. Got diagnosed with dyscalculia when I was 15. Failed my maths GCSE spectacularly but A Levels were a revelation because I got to just pick subjects I was good at.

I know have a First Class degree and an MSc from the London School of Economics. Still can't tell the time unless I'm reading a digital clock and I still can't read bus timetables! But who cares. Everyone is good at something and bad at something else. I can honestly say that since I was 16 my maths problems haven't affected me at all. Your DS will be fine, it's wonderful the school have picked up on his difficulties so early. Don't worry about him x

FeakAndWeeble · 20/05/2012 23:01

Original poster

babyinarms · 20/05/2012 23:21

Thanks Feak, I'm sure your mum is so proud of you!
Yeah feel bad for getting annoyed with DS when he was struggling and I didnt realise. The main thing is now I do and look forward to helping him through it as daunting as it seems at times!All I want for him is to be happy, social and well adjusted and I;m beginning to see that thats very possible:)
Feel more positive already:).
Great to vent sometimes and great to get such good advise also!

OP posts:

Flip