to not iron DP's clothes

[Morph2]

+DP doesn't hardly anything round the house, its got worse since we had DS(now 2) and i went part time because if i ask him to do anything he moans about how i have 2 'days off' during the week. Anyway i'm sick of the moaning so i don't really bother asking him to do anything anymore i just do things myself its easier.

Anyway this morning i've done several loads of washing, some ironing, boxed up some of DS's toys as he had too many out since his birthday and cook a roast dinner.
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Anyway during dinner DP has a go at me because i do everything and its making him feel useless (feel like i can't win!)

So have just finished off the ironing but haven't bothed ironing his stuff just mine and DS's. Bit petty i know but i'm soo pissed off.

What is 'ironing'?

YANBU - I don't iron

There's not really enough information here. He has a go at you for doing everything....what does he do? You say hardly anything, but could you be more specific?

I do think making statements like this is quite petty tbh, but I can't tell if YABU or not.

YABU for ironing anything. Ironing is a filthy habit and should be stamped out.

things he does- washes up every other night, although i've done the past four or five nights as the washing up was just left sitting there and it didn't look like he was going to do, he used to mow the grass but has only done once this year so the grass is really long, he won't do it today he said for me not to do as he's going to do tuesday night. thats about it really

It seems like its time to talk about who does what more generally. I sense quite a bit of resentment here!

I'd suggest setting a date in a few days to discuss this when you are both calm. What help do you feel you need? Does he like cooking? Would he be prepared to blitz the kitchen when you are out shopping?

Also - be ready to acknowledge what he does do. I've heard many friends moan about their partners who do 'nothing' but then it turns out they do all the cooking or wash up every night or do the supermarket run or do bath and stories most nights - perhaps swapping jobs occasionally could get things into proportion. Of course this might not be the case with you. I have also known couples where one person does actually do almost nothing.

ps - just remembered when (now ex) P got up at the crack of 9am when on paternity leave and looking round at the clean house and clean baby said with great energy, 'right, what can I do? Shall I walk the dog?' :0

sorry xposted. It does seem like he could do more!

lol he's now asleep on the settee

Time to get the vacuum cleaner out?

Ironing is the work of the devil! I haven't ironed anything since 2006 when it suddenly occurred to me that it was never put away by the kids and the ex and so never looked ironed anyway. Total waste of time. Most things don't need ironing anyway.

If you're giving him jobs that are pre-agreed and he isn't doing them but then moans that he doesn't do enough then boot him off the sofa and hand him the mower.

I bet he plans to do the mowing on Tuesday because it's forecast to rain.

What are his good points?
Did you envisage being in a relationship where you do most of the chores, including his laundry? That would drive me mad. I wouldn't just not iron his clothes, I wouldn't wash them either.

we'd been together quite a while before we had DS, we'd lived in the house 10 years before DS. He used to do more (although he's never done loads) but now he says that i have '2 days off' because i'm part time so he does less

I am on maternity leave and for the first time ever I am able to keep the house spic and span but I STILL find there's almost anything I'd rather do than ironing. I bloody hate it and find most of DS's clothes, all the bedding, many of my clothes (especially stretchy stuff like vests), and t-towels etc really are fine if they're given a good shake, hung out correctly and folded well.

I DO occasionally do DH's shirts and trousers as he wears a shirt most days for work and I don't really think shirts look right unless they've been ironed, even the supposedly non-iron ones.

When I am back at work though, DH can do his own (to be fair, he never asks and will happily do the ironing if he sees there's a pile) and share the housework but for now I'm happy to do the lions share.

On the whole though I have found that keeping on top of things is easier if I have a system. When DS was born everything went to rack and ruin until I learned how to tidy stuff up as I went along and devised a system for keeping on top of stuff. Now I do certain things on certain days - Tuesday is ironing day, Wednesday is baking, tidy Friday is beds and bathrooms. I really am not the most domesticated of creatures but it only takes an hour or so out of the day and means that there's no big clean up to do at the weekends and we can both (DH as well) put our feet up and enjoy being a family as well as tackling some of the annoying jobs on the list like defrosting the freezer and cleaning the understairs cupboard out.

Why not allocate your husband some specific jobs to do - preferably ones you hate and tell him when you expect them to be done ie "Wednesday you can do YOUR ironing, Monday clean the bathroom and cook tea every other night." If you make a plan of when you're going to do a couple of other jobs during the week you might find it easier to keep on top of it and there's less resentment all round.

Sorry if I'm sounding patronising, I really don't mean to but quite honestly this is the first time I've ever properly felt like I've managed to keep everything ticking over at home - it's so lovely to be able to put your feet up in the evenings or at weekends without stressing out over housework that I thought I'd share.

Btw the 2 days off thing is bollocks! You might be able to find an hour or so out of the day to do a couple of things but since when was looking after DC considered a day off - especially if you're doing it solo.

Pre DC I used to charge dp if he wanted me to iron something.

We both worked full time and I hardly ever ironed anything of mine, so i resented his assumption that I would iron his stuff. And he had this annoying habit of asking me to iron said item in the morning just minutes before I had to leave for work.

So one day when he asked 'tiddles could you just do me this shirt, I want to wear it today' I said, yes fine but that will be £2. He did it himself on that occasion, but after that he would pay me if he didn't feel like doing it himself.

It didn't make me rich or owt, but it did make him think twice about his expectations of who does what around the house.

I only iron school shirts for boys, some of my work tops, and Hama beads.

Never ironed anything for husband.

I don't iron my husband's shirts and trousers. We'll do easy stuff for each other like hankies and collared t shirts but we each iron our own work clothes.

I do all the ironing, but i hate ironing tram lines into the front of trousers, loathe it for some reason. DP bought some new work trousers and said that he wanted the tram line to stay in these trouses. He got told to iron them himself.

He ironed them once then decided he didnt want tram lines in them anymore

FFS people, stop focusing on the ironing specifically and look at the bigger picture of what the OP is actually saying - that her DP doesn't pull his weight.

Why don't you give him '2 days off' and leave him with your DS and the house to look after and see what he thinks of said 'time off' by the end of it all. This is the only way to get the message across.

Feeling like someone's unappreciated skivvy is a 100% sure-fire way to kill any genuine like, friendship and yes, sexual feeling in a relationship. He should know this and if he wants to continue being like this, at least he will do so with full knowledge of the repercussions.

Sit down with him and work out a list of chores that need doing, then divide them up fairly between you. This gives you a chance to hear what he thinks is fair, and why. (And for you to tell him why his view is bullshit .)You need to have it out about the housework and get this issue sorted. It will get ugly otherwise.

Yes - and be clear what counts as 'chores'. Some people would include 'taking children swimming' or 'reading bedtime stories' as a fun thing, others might be happy to count this as helpful/necessary activity and therefore just as relevent as washing up. So long as you agree and share the less appealing activities as well as the fun ones.

So, let me get this straight:

He thinks that, now you have a child together, and you have 'two days off', you should do more around the house?

Does he understand that the child is actually there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Not, two days a week?

It sounds as if you have upped your workload dramatically for five days of the week, and his response has been 'oh well, you have two days off'..

That is utter bollocks. I would be tempted to explain it to him just like this - how can you possibly do more around the house when you have added an extra job (caring for a toddler) to your normal work, and only got two 'free' days back? I take it he has not suddenly taken a second job for three days a week since you had your DS?

The one positive here is that he has said he feels useless so at least you can take an opportunity to accept there is a problem, and work out between you how to tackle it. I agree lists of jobs are good if that works for you. It might also help to work out free time. It sounds as if you are running around like a blue-arsed fly. When do you sit down? Do the two of you have equal amounts of leisure time (obviously not!). Does he expect you to have equal leisure time?

Btw, when I say the child's there 24/7, I don't mean, does he go to nursery (I assume he does), but more, does your DP get that he is a fulltime responsibility - someone always has to be caring for your DS and he has not adjusted his life to recognize that.