To feel annoyed when

[MsKittyFane]

suddenly, half way down a thread an OP announces that they are suffering from depression after 20 people have just told them that they ABU or have disagreed with their opening post.
:(

Irrationally annoyed at the OP I might add.

yanbu. Its like "I can't possibly be unreasonable, I'm depressed" like its some kind of get out of jail free card.

That's why I don't wade in and say YABU straight off the bat, I ask questions. People do this in real life too - judge a person without actually taking the time to understand them. It might teach people to actually listen for a change. And rather than getting annoyed at "drip feeding" it would show a lot more character if a previously heavy-handed poster could say "Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that, I withdraw my previous comment."

What gets me is when people ask if they are being unreasonable and they get a pretty unanimous response that they are and then the OP gets all uppity because no one agrees with them.

same thing when they do a long spiel and then go - oh i am pregnant - as if its an illness or an excuse for being bloody rude/unreasonable lol

callin I agree but it's the way it's done. OP does something unreasonable, 20 people say so, OP returns with a list of his/her mental health problems.
If you are depressed or finding it hard to cope say so in the OP!

Green Oh gawd, the 'I'm pregnant' excuse for BU is the worst.

I've suffered with depression and would sometimes have really appreciated someone saying to me "I know it's hard and you can't see it, but YABU about this." Because you can't see it for yourself sometimes.

However, YANBU if the OP doesn't make this obvious from the start - being depressed is no excuse for guilt-tripping people!

yanbu. Its like "I can't possibly be unreasonable, I'm depressed" like its some kind of get out of jail free card.

It's called drip feeding and you are never quite sure if they're telling the truth or just trying to make people agree with them/feel sorry for them.

I'm not talking specifically depression but just taking the 'drip feeding' thing and talking about it as a general practice (se? I can never remember) - arguing for 10 pages about something that everyone is telling you is unreasonable and then throwing some vital bit of information that changes the entire situation but which for some reason was not seen as important by the OP until they couldn't win the argument without it, at which point they throw it on the table like the winning hand in a game of cards.

I always think yeah, right. Course.

It may be that in 10 pages and 2 days of arguing they forgot that the reason they hate their mil saying good morning to them is that every time she does, she kicks them in the shin and they're putting it in now because they've just remembered it - but the odds are they're lying.

YANBU. Drip feeding annoys the butter off my crumpet. I know people want to condense OP's to a reasonable length so as not to put people off, but if you post without full info, and 10 people answer, then you throw something else in, the previous 10 posts are neither use nor ornament. Sure we've all prob done it at some point but when it's a major piece of info crucial to the scenario

I may get flamed for this but I have suspected in the past that some OP's have thrown in something like depression not entirely honestly which rather belittles those with genuine depression or MH issues. I would obviously never call them on it as it would be horrific if I were wrong.

I can't say I've ever seen anyone used "I'm depressed" as an excuse for unreasonable behaviour. If someone really had been unreasonable and then said "I'm depressed" then I would say "Fair enough, that might be the cause of you being unreasonable, but you're still unreasonable." It's not an excuse.

Oh is there a thread like that at the moment? Gah, I'm too lazy to search.

I agree with you Cailin.

Whilst I do think there are people who lie, or change their stories, I think some people embark on an OP without fully thinking what is and isn't relevant information. Sometimes they have found it hard to post in the first place, and new bits of info come out as the OP starts to open up a bit more.

Because of this, I'd rather go gently. And I know that's how you operate too, Hecate, even if you think they are not being straight.

AIBU is a dangerous place for people who are in an emotional state, because lots of people jump in without giving the benefit of the doubt

manc - I agree, but then that's natural defensiveness. I always like it when people admit they were wrong, but just because someone doesn't, it doesn't mean they won't go away from the thread and think about it differently

I certainly don't like it when posters say "Well this is AIBU what do you expect?" if a poster is feeling bullied or upset. The fact that it is AIBU isn't a good reason to be nasty.

I agree Maryz

Telling a poster to go somewhere else is really rude IMO. If a thread is annoying you, stop reading it!

I can understand the natural defensiveness. I'd never be knowingly nasty to someone on here or in rl but if you have asked and everyone has said that you are being unreasonable, then I reckon it's time to realise that the OP might be the problem.

Some people do take on board advice given and opinions. And some threads would be better off on a different part of the forum just because they will get better advice.

It isn't about telling people to go elsewhere, but sometimes it's about cutting your losses.

I've said it before, but I don't think AIBU is the place of you are feeling emotional and have posted in haste (and are perhaps not a very self-reflective anyone, or are depressed and a bit irrational).

Unfortunately it's the first place people happen upon - especially new people who aren't used to how straight people are with them

Ah I see Maryz. But that just illustrates what I'm saying about AIBU being used as an excuse by some posters to be rude or nasty. If they would get better support on another topic, why is that? Why can't they get the same support in AIBU?