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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fuming with ex? (long, sorry)

10 replies

Gruffy · 20/05/2012 12:31

Need some honest opinions here please, I'm genuinely not sure if I have a right to be so angry or if being sleep deprived and ill is clouding my judgement.

I have two young children and have just recently been diagnosed with ME so I have always struggled, some days alot more then others. If it wasn't for my Gran I would be completely at a loss, she is my rock and is always there when I need her :)

However, she often has to go up to Leeds (I'm down south) to dog sit for my mum so I do find myself having to cope alone occasionally which is fine providing I get a lot of rest the week before.

Now she was due to go on Friday but a few days before I got a stomach flu, its been bloody horrible, things like that seem to hit me twice as hard as the used to since I've had ME. We then decided that she would take DD1 with her as my mum would love to see her and shes old enough to leave the dogs be and understand that she musn't fuss round them, my youngest however doesn't understand that yet so she had to stay with me.

On the Thursday I was still feeling shocking, fainting all over the place, being sick and generally just couldn't get out of bed so I phoned my ex and asked if he wasn't busy would he be able to come down (he lives four hours away) and give me a hand with DD2 as I was so ill. He said yes and was at mine on Friday evening. He left me to deal with DD2 all night who is now poorly too as he was tired from the drive, fair enough although it was difficult.

Yesterday (after he had been at mine less then 24 hours) I was still ill and still bed ridden when he walks into my room and said "I won't be needing dinner tonight" I thought you'd be lucky to get any anyway the way I'm feeling but asked why and he told me that he was going to meet a friend for dinner. I ask what time he is going I got a "dunno" I asked what time he would roughly be back as I didn't think I would be able to cope well with a poorly baby being so ill myself and I got another "dunno" Hmm

On his way out the door, leaving me with a screaming baby, he said "text me when your going to sleep and I'll try not to be long after that, don't worry though, I'll take your spare key"

After a hellish few hours with DD2, all the while I've fainted twice and been sick, I thought enough is enough so text (about 9.30pm) and said "I'm going to bed now, how much longer? DD2 is not settling" Nothing back. I text again at 10.30pm saying "hello? I'm really struggling here, DD2 is really poorly and I've fainted" I get a text back saying "I won't be long"

Me and DD2 then fall into a disruppted sleep, with here waking in pain again at 12.45am.. he is STILL not back! I text again saying "where the hell are you?! I need your help! I thought that was why you had come down!" Nothing. I then started worrying as I was wondering if he had had an accident or something. I then rang at 1.15am and got no answer. Rang again at 1.30, he picks up and says "I'm just leaving now (he was an hour away) stop nagging me!" Angry

He rolls in at 2.45am and I am still up with DD2 and doen't even come ask if we are okay, just bangs off to bed! DD2 woke up at 5.30 am this morning so I took her in to him and went back to bed as I was in so much pain.

He has been moaning all morning about how tired he is, stropping about because I dared to have a lay in until 9am and has now just asked if I would take DD2 out later because he needs his sleep!! I felt like hitting him with a chair. AIBU to be so bloody angry?

Oh and I appologise for the length, also if its difficult to understand. I struggle with concentration as part of my ME so find it hard to explain things well.

OP posts:
AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 12:35

YANBU He sounds useless, Probably why he's now your ex.

Hope you feel better soon.

JingleBellBaby · 20/05/2012 12:35

YANBU

Sounds like you can't rely on him for support with the children though. Do you have friends that would be more help? Or if it's really awful could your finances stretch to calling an emergency childcare agency to get someone to come do a solid chunk of childcare for you each day till while you rest so it's easier to do the bits you really have to do?

HecateTrivia · 20/05/2012 12:38

you do know that he didn't come to help you, he came to be able to go out and crash at yours, don't you?

What an arse.

delilahlilah · 20/05/2012 12:44

Chuck him out. He isn't helping. He's making it worse. Do you have a friend who could help you out for a short while?

Gruffy · 20/05/2012 12:44

AllYoursBabooshka Yes, that is one of the main reasons he is my ex. I honestly thought he would take one look at the state of me and step up. Silly me!

JingleBellBaby Don't have anybody else, that is why as a last resort I had to phone the ex. This has really brought to light how much I really do need some extra support, not really sure where to start looking for that though. I didn't realise I could get emergency childcare, I will look into that now. Thanks!

OP posts:
xMumof3x · 20/05/2012 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruffy · 20/05/2012 12:56

xMumof3x Yes I know, I have given up on trying to get her to realise that 6-8 holidays a year may be slightly exsessive and a bit much for my 70 year old gran to be driving the 200 miles every time to look after her dogs! My mum is selfish and my Gran is too nice to say no as she just wants be be able to help everyone. Don't get me started on my mother, that is a whole other thread Grin

OP posts:
Paiviaso · 20/05/2012 13:07

I wonder why he came down at all. He obviously isn't really there to help - maybe he saw yours as a place to crash while he catches up friends?

If he isn't actually helping tell him to leave.

Gruffy · 20/05/2012 14:23

Thank you for your replies, you are all right, he is an arse!
He's just asked I he can go out again tonight! I told him to get out, I'd rather struggle on my own then deal with him!
He said that I was a nag Angry
Grr!

OP posts:
thebody · 20/05/2012 14:33

What a bastard twat he is.

You perhaps need more help with the children now you have a chronic condition. Do u work?? How are finances could you afford a child minder so u could rest regularly.

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