To be hurt about no wedding invite

[Hippymum89]

My auntie Wendy who is in her 70s is getting married next month. She has invited all the family except me, my mum and dd. She wasn't even going to tell us until after! We only found out because my cousin told my mum (she didn't realise we weren't invited.
I'm upset because she is my only other blood relative (her brother, my dad died when I was a baby).
I rang her to tell her I was upset that she hadn't invited us and she had the nerve to tell me not to be nasty - which I certainly was NOT.
Anyway, stuff 'em.
AIBU to be hurt? We have never fallen out before.

If she's invited 'all the family' except you, your Mum and your DD she must have a reason for that.

Did she say what it was?

YANBU to be hurt. YABU to phone her and tell her that you were upset.

YANBU to be upset and hurt.

I think YABU to have rung and asked.

She said she thought I'd be busy working, which was pretty lame because I'd have changed my shifts. She said 'It wasn't intentional, just thought you'd be busy' As if!! Then she said 'You can come if you want'. Charming.
As it turns out I'm on a course for work which I can't miss, but an invite would have been nice.
I rang her, rather than fume about it to myself or say anything behind her back.

How many of the family who are included are there? - Has she just basically invited her children? - I think when you get married at 70, you probably aren't looking at an enormous do, with posh invitations etc., - more a kind of quiet family affair. Maybe she didn't think you'd think it was such a big deal.

Anyway, you said you were upset not to be invited, and now she's said 'come if you like' , so you are invited. Although you can't go can you? Because as she suspected, you are busy.

What did you expect her to say when you phoned her?!

She says yo's thought you would be busy. Your response is 'As if!' But you are in fact busy.

Bizarre.

No idea where auto correct got yo's from! She, obviously.

A Sorry - that's what I expected.

She's invited her daughter-in-law's mother (who she's always slagging off btw) and 2 neighbours.

It's a shame but you've done yourself no favours by phoning to demand why you didn't get an invitation. As for questioning the right of other guests to be there YAB v U and monumentally graceless. But since you aren't available to attend anyway, she wasn't far off the mark anyway, was she?

She wasn't wrong was she. She was bang on.

YANBU to feel hurt. It's perfectly reasonable to feel hurt and upset that you, your mum and dd appear to have been left out.

YABVVU to have phoned her and to now be slagging off who she has chosen to invite, and for saying you being busy is a lame excuse when you are busy. As she's said come if you like, maybe you should actually make the effort and go. If you can't, she was right all along.

I understand HippyMum; my own Dad got married and didn't tell me til after he had done it - reason being they didn't want any family at wedding. However, they did enjoy showing us the photos of them and all their friends on their big day. I felt I had to say how hurt I was - it's bad for the soul to keep the hurt in. I just hope it hasn't harmed your relationship with your aunt... these things can take time. My dad and I are now getting on fine (prob due to his divorce!!).

YWNBU to be upset in the first place

but you've probably proven her right/justified her in not inviting her by ringing - that was out of order

older people's weddings tend to be small and informal, not all the duty invites that younger couples have

you say you wanted to be invited because you don't have a lot of rellies, NOT because you are particularly close to her

and your ARE busy, so now you will look like a prize twat for not going because of work when you got the hump about not being invited because you would be busy for work

tell me, did you really think there would be a good outcome from the phone call? what outcome were you looking for? or did you just want to have a go at an elderly bride?

forgot to say - putting things in the AIBU catergory can be hurtful in itself - you are asking for divisory remarks; maybe next time post in chat, or family section? I don't think you are being either - family's tend to upset us and know our weak spots......

Do you have a close relationship with her?

YABU!!! I can't believe you actually rang her to moan at her. Plus you can't make it anyway. So the point was?

YABU.You sound quite petulant,actually.You're annoyed at not being invited ...even though you would have ended up refusing anyway???My guess is that it wouldn't be the first time you have placed work above family get togethers,as she seems to think you have 'form' for not showing up anyway.

Stop sulking.She had a point,and you just proved her right.Now wish her well and don't turn this into a family feud.

Yabu. I can't believe you phoned her & expected an apology!

My guess is that it wouldn't be the first time you have placed work above family
Miss judgy pants! NEVER ever put work before family btw.
:-P

I don't really care whether YANBU or YABU really - but I really enjoyed hearing about Auntie Wendy. I like her. She sounds like she's got it sorted.

Maybe she has reasons for not inviting you, your mum or your sister?

I also think your writing style is very entertaining - I can imagine you sitting on my sofa declaiming.

... way too many "reallys"

Hilda - I think you ned to change your name to MissJudyPants.

The OP may have gone to do her homework.

need - FGS!!

YANBU to be upset about lack of invitation.

YWBU to confront her about her reasons for not inviting you though... I'd want to know why as well, but maybe in a gentler 'putting out feelers' sort of way (i.e. ask someone else, like a cousin, to ask her). That way you've both got plausible deniability and can keep pretending everything's cool if that suits :)