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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to be a tour guide in my own home any longer...

16 replies

mrfreeze · 20/05/2012 10:37

Every day is the same with dp, wheres this, wheres that, if he stopped screaming for things and instead opened his eyes for 5 seconds hed see it right in front of him.

todays conversation so far:

dp: wheres the nail scissors
me: i have no idea you dont ever put them back
dp: yes i do, you had them last time
me: no i didnt, you walk about with them and take pleasure doing your nails in every room of the house
dp: where are they, havent you looked for them (screaming now)
me: i have no idea, go look for them if you want them
dp: ill just go and buy some more

i guarantee you ill find them in some random place he has left them in sometime in the near future. i once found them rolled up in a pair of socks [sick emoticon]

then an hour later

dp: where are the scissors
me: sigh... in the drawer in the kitchen
dp: which one
me: the one theyve lived in for the past 7 years since we moved in

in the past week ive also had to remind him where we keep the mop, where hed placed the box of tile grout and where his work clothes where (still in the dryer). im not doing it anymore and vow to live in silence in the hope it trains him to look for something before bellowing me!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/05/2012 10:40

I wouldn't even answer someone who screamed at me.

He needs to show a little more respect.

ripsishere · 20/05/2012 10:41

Good luck to the idea that you will train him.
I think YAB bit U and slightly PA.
Just tell him where you think they are.

Flisspaps · 20/05/2012 10:42

What Worra said.

HandMadeTail · 20/05/2012 10:43

I have a small drawer containing essentials like a stapler, indelible marker, electrical screwdrivers etc. These things are mine.

This way they don't get dispersed around the house.

I will not look for lost items, either, but I obviously wil say if I know where they are.

mrfreeze · 20/05/2012 10:46

Fair enough if its once or twice but the man has no recollection whatsoever of where he leaves things. its always my fault theyve grown legs and walked through the night Smile

OP posts:
ripsishere · 20/05/2012 10:52

I missed the screaming bit. YANBU.

SpottedGurnard · 20/05/2012 11:19

I lie and pretend I don't know where things are when asked. We both live in the house, I'm not going to do the thinking for two!

alphabite · 20/05/2012 11:28

Have you talked to him about this when he is in a reasonable mood?

HecateTrivia · 20/05/2012 12:46

He screams at you?

My husband can never find anything and needs bloody coordinates Hmm second drawer down, left hand side, 3/4 of the way to the rear, under the envelopes...

but if he screamed at me - I'd rip his head off.

You need to tell him that it is not your job to know where he puts everything and that you won't tolerate being screamed at.

If he does it again, I suggest leaving the house. Even if all you do is walk around the block.

How dare he scream at you?!

TheHappyHissy · 20/05/2012 13:03

Yep, next time he raises his voice, say NOTHING, get up and go for a walk/drive/world cruise.

How dare he. Angry

insancerre · 20/05/2012 13:14

DH tried the helpless act. I have trained him. It did take 25 years though.
The trick is to pretend to help look, even if you know where they are, never find them. He has to find them and then he realises that he can find things without anyone else's help.
The pretending to look busy works with all sorts of situations, like decorating, gardening,tidying.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/05/2012 13:16

He screamsat you?

Stupid questions are the least of your worries.

Debeez · 20/05/2012 13:29

Sorry he screamed at you OP. :(

My ex used to do this exact same thing. Now when I'm stressed or trying to do something quickly I panic if anyone even raises their voice or speaks in a tense tone. This type of behavior isn't acceptable and it can wound deeper than you think. I'm no shrinking violet either.

Explain if he's going to wander off with stuff and lose things he can ask you in a respectful manner for help or he can go and fuck himself.

takingiteasy · 20/05/2012 13:30

Does he actually scream or is that just a phrase? My dh is constantly calling through when he's looking for something I just count to 3 before answering and 9 times out of 10 he's located whatever it was before I answer. I asked him why he asks all the time and he sais it's an efficiency thing I say lazy.

exoticfruits · 20/05/2012 13:44

I wouldn't even enter a discussion. Just say 'I have no idea, and it is not my problem'. Don't budge from that statement.

exoticfruits · 20/05/2012 13:45

Don't get cross, just sound bored.

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