to not want to get passports for X to take DC away

[CowboysGal]

My XH wants to take my 3 DS away on holiday next year to Spain but only if I pay for their passports. I cannot afford to take them abroad. We don't holiday every year as we can't afford it. If I was to take them away I wouldn't be asking XH to contribute anything towards the holiday.
He pays nothing towards his children, doesn't even contribute towards uniforms.
DC are now upset because XH has apparently said that if I don't get the passports for them they wont be able to go.
AIBU? Would you pay for the passports?

If your ex cant afford to support the children day to day then you certainly shouldn't help him take them abroad!

If he paid maintenance proportionate to his income you might be able to take the DCs on holiday. They must be able to appreciate how unfair this is on you. In their position I'd be cross with him.

YANBU. At £49 a pop, plus the cost of getting photos, kids' passports aren't cheap.

And if he was any sort of grown up he'd have negotiated the holiday with you before mentioning it to them, not be dangling it conditionally as 'his treat' all bar the part that could benefit them in his absence. They must see they are being manipulated and stand to come second to his desire to spite you.

If you can't afford the passports, surely he should be looking at somewhere he can take them for a holiday here.

If he wanted to take them on holiday that's what he'd be suggesting. He has no intention of taking them anywhere. This is just a ploy to make you look bad.

I agree that this is very unfair as your exh's priority should be to give you regular maintenance for everyday expenses and not to ship up once in 10 years with the glory ticket of a week in Spain which you are in reality expected to subsidise.

If you received maintenance payments then of course it could be you taking the kids away on holiday.

I would explain the above to your dc. It is presumably good for the dc to spend time with their dad so the holiday is a good idea from this point of view. If you think the dc would enjoy a holiday in Spain then I think they can earn the money themselves to pay for their passports - it will do them no harm.

I wouldn't let someone take my dc abroad who wasn't a proper parent to them. A proper parent meets their DC's financial needs and physically looks after them. Given that your ex is doing neither, he is a sperm donor rather than a proper father and I wouldn't trust him to even know how to look after my children.

So, no, I wouldn't be letting them go abroad with him.

I would consider getting passports though and not telling either ex or dc, just so that he cannot apply for them without you knowing and take the kids abroad without your consent. (Not sure if that's possible or if you have to cosign applications)

My concern would be that you would end up paying for a lot more than the passports to get them to Spain. Spending money, holiday clothes, luggage... and then if he is unreliable they still might not go. I'd also be worried about whether he would look after them properly.

I would also want to know a LOT more about the holiday. Who is paying? Where are the children staying? Perhaps if you do feel you should consider this further you could ask to see proof that the flights have been paid for.

I don't think he can get the passports without your signature but you might want to check this out.

If he can afford to take 3 teenagers abroad then surely the passport costs would be quite small overall ?

YANBU why on earth would you want to pay for passports when partly thanks to him you cant afford to take your DC on holiday

He sounds really irresponsible, I wouldn't let him take the dc away, and I certainly wouldn't be paying for it.