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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be cross with dh

18 replies

boston82 · 19/05/2012 14:56

So I spent ages declutterring/tidying and cleaning lounge, dining room and hallway.
Ended up rushing to collect dc beforeI got a chance to do stairs. So left hoover plugged in at foot of stairs. Meanwhile dh come home and makes a comment about it being left in a doorway.
Also I clearly indicated that I expected the lounge to remain tidy. Dc and dh were in the room. So this morning I come down and dh has left crisp packets and a glass and plate on the side.
Really starting to wonder why i bother.

OP posts:

manicbmc · 19/05/2012 15:18

Stop bothering then.

ilovesooty · 19/05/2012 15:21

Also I clearly indicated that I expected the lounge to remain tidy

If you posted that your husband had talked to you like this you'd be told to leave the (controlling) bastard.

Why can't you just ask him if he'd mind clearing up after himself in future?

Debeez · 19/05/2012 15:22

So you left something out, DH not happy. He leaves something out, you're not happy. YABU.

Olympia2012 · 19/05/2012 15:34

It's his home too....no?

tightwad · 19/05/2012 15:43

ahhh boston, i am you!
Its SO annoying when you have cleaned, they can see you have cleaned and then they leave their shit lying round...

I respectfully request that DH removes offending item, he does, and everyone is happy because i do not have to give him the look.....and he really does not want me to give him the look, cos its never a good outcome and this he knows.
Job done.

Original poster

boston82 · 19/05/2012 17:27

I know it probably came out wrong but it has been festering for a while. Every morning I find crockery and empty wrappers on the side or floor etc. the children are always leaving stuff lying around. I don't want to be a nag. I just want the house to be clean and tidy for our guests this evening.

OP posts:

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 19/05/2012 17:32

Boston This used to happen to me. In the end, I only cleared up after myself and DD2 (DD1 is 7yrs old so happily clears up after herself). If DH or any guests complained about it being untidy, I would happily point out that DH left it laying around so complain to him.

If DH moaned stated he had to 'tidy up', again I would state he was only tidying up after himself so to have a go at himself and not me somehow he now, although not always, does tidy up after himself.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 19/05/2012 17:53

oh blimey, this is me, I get sooooo fed up of cleaning and people just leaving stuff around 'cos it does not bother them' well IT BOTHERS ME ! I live in hope that they one day realise that if it makes me happy to be in a clean and tidy home then it is worth them keeping it that way
actually recently been offered a job so will be back out to work soon and was most impressed with DH saying to ds 1 and 2 'things will have to change when dw is working again' he has a plan that they will clean every week I am waiting to see if it works

BlackholesAndRevelations · 19/05/2012 18:59

Boston this is me too My two yr old often comes down in the morning, picks up daddy's plate and says, "oh messy daddy!"

So frustrating!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/05/2012 19:44

I've given up keeping our house tidy. DH moans like crazy but it is all his stuff. Cups, plates and packets left everywhere. Bags, shoes, coats. Dirty clothes. Paperwork. Tools. Wet towels. I could go on all night!

faulkernegger · 19/05/2012 19:59

YANBU. I can totally sympathise. However I fight back with passive resistance - all my stuff and DCs stuff is put away, and when DP complains about the untidiness, I point out that it's all HIS. I've stopped clearing his plate from the table when he walks away and leaves it, I've stopped throwing away the EMPTY food packets from the fridge/cupboard, clothes are unwashed etc etc.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/05/2012 20:29

faulkernegger, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a DH that leaves empty packets in the fridge and cupboards. THEN he moans that we've run out of things, when I don't realise we've run out as there is still a bloomin packet in the cupboard.

i do the same as you now and just leave his stuff. His attitude is 'well it's not a big deal, it would only take you 5 minutes to put away my clothes/shoes/cups and plates' but I tell him that's not the point

xMumof3x · 19/05/2012 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/05/2012 20:44

Mumof3, as I said, my DH wants a home to showhome standard but is the messy one, so no chilling out needed here thanks

McHappyPants2012 · 19/05/2012 20:57

Just do the housework together or hire a cleaner

ChippingIn · 19/05/2012 21:02

Shoot him - no court in the land would convict you

In all seriousness, tell him!! Tell him how much time you spend cleaning and tidying and that it's incredibly disrespectful to just dump his crap everywhere.

You could also ask him if he'd prefer to do the hoovering if you leaving the hoover out while you collect the kids from school is such ans issue.

Jux · 19/05/2012 21:41

Does he have one of those 'his' places? His chair, his side table or whatever. Just put everything there.

DoingItForMyself · 19/05/2012 21:53

Boston, I've tried explaining it to DH in terms he can relate to:

"Imagine you're at work, you spend all morning typing in some information, then one of your colleagues comes along and deletes what you've just done. How frustrated would you be? Then imagine that was what happened every day at work. Then imagine that you didn't get paid to go to work, but you didn't get the option to resign either.

That's my life. Tidy your shit away."

Hasn't sunk in yet but I'll keep trying!

Flip