To wonder if you ever wonder 'if only' in relation to life choices?

[Dolcelatte]

Just idle and self indulgent musings for a Saturday afternoon!

My eldest DDs are up to their necks in AS/A levels, so I have had to reacquaint myself with the Bard, as well as a lot of newer texts, such as The Kite Runner, as well as the history of the last century (why are schools so obsessed with Nazis - you'd think nothing happened between 1066 and 1939!).

Anyway, I read Law many moons ago (sometimes, when I wasn't in the college bar etc!) but never really enjoyed it; I found it dull, shallow and boring as an academic subject, although I have since had a rewarding and lucrative career as a lawyer and don't regret my career choice overall. However, in some ways I think my 3 years at uni could have been better spent - 'helping' my DDs with their revision etc has made me wonder if I should have made a different choice back then and done a subject which I actually felt passionate about rather than just thinking about career choices.

It may be a sign of the times or the economy, but it seems slightly retrograde that some students are more concerned about finding a job than choosing a subject that they actually enjoy.

I was just wondering, do any of you think that you might have made different choices and your whole life might have turned out differently - not necessarily better or worse, just different!

Hmm, but you've had a 'lucrative and rewarding' career as a lawyer. I wonder whether your point of view might be different if you hadn't been able to find a job, and so didn't have a career at all? I think it is pragmatic to consider the likely job / career possibilities when choosing FE.

I studied what I loved ( degree + PhD), and I'm working towards further professional qualifications. I'm also very worried about having a job in 6 months time though . I do sometimes wonder whether I should have thought about job / career possibilities more when I was deciding what to study.

I made a huge mistake over 20 years ago, made a very bad personal decision indeed and it has had a massive effect on my life, so I do frequently wonder 'if only'. But what's done is done I guess.

I dropped computer studies to do something I was passionate about - English Literature.

Now I work in computers. Passion does not always equal rewarding job you are passionate about unfortunately. I've found English to be very 'teach or die' lol

Are you being unreasonable about what?

I did my first degree in a subject I thought I would love, and when I finished and I got to do it for a real job, I hated it, so I did another degree and retrained as a teacher. It's far less pay, but I love it. I think it's a sign of the times that people worry about jobs more, but sometimes you won't know it's not for you till you spend 5 yrs of your life getting there! And I don't see it as a waste of time, it made me who I am and I had fun on my journey to where I am now!

I think we all have those self indulgent "what if" moments, and that's what led to my career change!

lighthearted
I think i probably should have been a dentist, instead of what I'm doing now as its good hours, and a pretty much guaranteed job.

slightly serious
I'm sort of thinking it was a mistake to have a child, i do love her to pieces, but i just can't help thinking how hard it is going to make everything from now on. :( When i'd love to just bugger off and live in NYC.

Apart from that, there isn't much else. Im pleased with my decisions.

i spent (wasted) 3 years of my life getting a qualification in the development of the pre school child thinking it would lead to a child friendly job except at the end i realised i wasnt that interested (hated the thought of) working with other peoples children. My punishment is i now work in local government.....

It's a question that occurs all too frequently (life has been shit for a long time and will certainly get and remain worse for several years to come). My problem is that I can't think of any even vaguely plausible scenario in which decisions I made would make any real difference. So I try and tell myself it's a futile question and move on to other things.

my what if's

chose a subject I loved but wrong uni with no industry links - which proved vital and I ended up doing unrelated work - wish I could change that

after uni fell into relationship with abusive (emotionally/mentally and occasionally physically) alcoholic - ruined my self esteem and financially worse off too - but would not have met my df - so although I wish I hadn't met abusive man I find it hard to wish it didn't happen as I have df now and ds

wish we hadn't bought this house and with hindsight had only done a 2 year fixed rate - location of house dreadful and would have saved ourselves £10k

I do wonder how my life would have turned out if...
I had actually done some work in uni and qualified as a teacher
I hadn't had my son at 21 as a single mum
I hadn't married when I did
I hadn't got pregnant again halfway through my teacher training (second time around)
I hadn't got pregnant again before resitting for my last chance at my degree.
At any of these points my life would have turned out completely different, but with the single exception of wishing that on the way I hadn't hurt certain people, I don't wish any of it different, because I wouldn't have had the life I have now or the kids I have now etc. and I'm happy with it.

But I suppose we all have choices - there are always good and bad cards in life's hand. Maybe it's how you play your hand, or maybe it's all down to Fate?

And I agree that having children makes a difference because you could never unwish them. At the end of the proverbial day, I believe that they are our greatest gift and blessing, although I know it is not a view shared by everyone.

I wonder 'what if' all the time about both miscarriages - especially the last one.

I also wonder what if I didn't have such bad body image and had consciously realised that I was putting on weight and done something about it before I put seven stone on!

You have no idea what your life would have been if you had done things differently.
It could easily have been a nightmare too.

Eg: I went to live abroad in a place that I would have never chosen if I had though about it twice. got married, had dcs, got PND and AND in the process. And struggled in my relationship. Tbh it would very easy to think 'Oh it would have been so much better if I had stayed in my home country blabla'.
In reality during that time, I had some beautiful dcs, retrained for a job I would have never done in my home country and I am doing something I am really passionate about.
I had some really hard times but they made me stronger and I much prefer the person I am now that who I was then.
I discovered a spiritual life that I didn't know existed and I am not sure I would have if I had stayed where I was.

For me, the most important thing though isn't the 'what if' but the fact I have tried my best and made the best of all the situations I was in, good or bad.

Training for example is non starter. If you really want to do something different, you can retrain and start again. At 30, at 40 or at 50yo. It doesn't matter.

I regret nearly every choice I made before the age of 28, the only good ones were accidental. If I could go back with what I know now I would have a very different life.

I think 'if only' far too often :(

Why did I think it was a good idea to get married at 20? And move 200 miles away from everything I knew to a town I would always hate?

Why did I think it was a good idea to have a third (and then 4th) child when I was struggling with the 2 I had?

We relocated across the other side of the UK 2 years ago and there isn't a day goes by when I wonder whether it was a good idea. Doesn't help that we were 2 mins walk from an excellent primary school but now we are a good 30 mins walk from our 2nd choice school.

But on the plus side we've ended up quite by accident in an area where medical treatment for the condition I never expected to get in a million years is excellent. Had we stayed where we were it's likely things would have been very different.

If only aged 10 I had made a different choice about my future education I might have some sort of qualifications by now instead of feeling like I've wasted any brains I may have.

My 2 big If Only moments are quite upsetting in their own ways so I don't allow myself to think about them very much at all now.

If Only I hadn't sent a letter I did at 21, after advice from a friend, I wonder who I would be with now but then I probably would have had my heart broken and not been with DH who is amazing so...

If Only I hadn't got pregnant when I did I wouldn't have conceived twins and then lost one but then I wouldn't have DS2 who is the most amazing child ever so it is not something I can allow myself to think about often.

what field are you in crescent?