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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my husband to suffer looking after the children today.

37 replies

Somethingwicked · 19/05/2012 10:07

His hours out of the house are sometimes 8am to 8pm but more usually til 10/11pm. He has been working or away for 12 days and his average time spent with children in a day is 25 mins in the morning (and average time spent on the domestic stuff is nil). He is a great dad and this is just our crap circumstances at the moment. Our children are 4,2 and 2. I am having a day of r and r to try and fend off a nervous breakdown and my evil side just wants him to feel my pain. Unfortunately I have already done 3 hours of childcare/housework/packing up bags for them to get them out the house, so should have just locked myself away at 8am or not surfaced at all. Should I ask him to do bedtime on his own too and run away for the day, or have supper ready for them all at 5.30 and take over while he recovers? This is just my mean side, I am not totally evil.

OP posts:

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 19/05/2012 14:16

Thanks all. Feeling less malevolent having just been for a run and a swim!
Not really in the mood to waste my day off explaining our work/parenting balance, but in brief, he does need r and r too, though quite often he is away for FUN (sport, socialising etc.). He also has an hour on the train to work each day when he drinks tea/wine and reads. He chooses to work this hard for little financial reward just long term career prospects. He will not contemplate looking after the children part of the week because he doesn't want to, he would rather get a nanny whilst we both work and I wouldn't. I do work anyway, evenings tutoring, one afternoon a week on my own business, exam marking, the most I can manage. And he doesn't come home late at night to more work, I do it all.
Off to look round the charity shops now, and buy something easy to cook for their return. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

LetsGetItOn · 19/05/2012 14:17

so he works 12-14 hours a day and you want him to feel guilty about having it easy?
get a grip

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 19/05/2012 14:28

You are right I should get a grip, may need medical help to do so. I am really trying to stave off having a breakdown, so probably not the best idea to get all sorts of people het up on mumsnet with issues that are not really accurate to our circumstances. Anyway, days like today can make the difference, so I am going out. As for talking to my husband, there is such limited time to do that and so many problems that it is far easier not to talk at the moment. This is not the place to explore these issues, but thanks for the light hearted responses, I am off!

OP posts:

whoknowsnotme · 19/05/2012 14:30

wow, some people really are today... OP i get exactly how you feel, yes dh works hard but you also want him to see that you work hard too and that you haven't got the easy option people think being a sahm is! I get it, i think most people do... and i think some posters choose to see it the way they want to see it. Sahm is a tough job enjoy your day off! for you

MamaMaiasaura · 19/05/2012 14:31

somethingwicked sorry that your post attracted so many cuntish replies.

Yet again mumsnet at is fucking worst. I despair

TheCrackFox · 19/05/2012 14:32

Maybe you should start a thread in Relationships. You do sound unappreciated and taken for granted.

pumpkinsweetie · 19/05/2012 14:43

YANBU- i see that he works long hours but then so do you.
Being a mother is a full-time job too as well we all know, i bet there is sometimes when kids are ill or wont sleep when you also work a full 12-14 hrs.
I think you and your dh need a proper talk about what both of your jobs involve and then maybe you will apprieciate each a bit more.
He is working hard but you are also working hard, there is nothing to be about on either of your jobs.
Maybe on his odd days off he could help you out by doing a few odd jobs like a quick hoover or some washing up, take dcs to park whilst you relax etc

PooPooInMyToes · 19/05/2012 15:28

so he works 12-14 hours a day and you want him to feel guilty about having it easy? get a grip

Wow. Were you actually trying to not understand the op, were you actually trying to be harsh and unsympathetic?

Oh and i wonder how many hours a day the op works seeing as she does all the childcare, housework herself and works part time as well. Bet its more than 12 a day!

Downandoutnumbered · 19/05/2012 16:08

YANBU, OP, and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time on here (and in real life from the sound of it). Hope you had a relaxing day.

tinkerbel72 · 19/05/2012 16:28

If you are seriously worrying about your health and other issues then maybe post elsewhere? To post in AIBU saying you'd like your dh to suffer because he's on a day out with the kids is going to meet with some fairly responses! He works hard already- no need to guilt trip the guy

bronze · 19/05/2012 16:36

What the op wants is not to say I work harder than you to her dh or that she thinks her dh doesn't work hard. What she wants is her dh to understand is that she too works hard and being a sahm isn't all coffee and watching daytime tv.

MsKittyFane · 20/05/2012 21:11

When I was a SAHM, I looked after the house and everyone in it. That was my job.
I had previously worked FT and DH and I shared chores. When I was at home DH saw how much I did because the shopping, washing, ironing and cleaning were done by me throughout the week. He knew what I did because my work at home made life easier for him ( all of us) and he benefitted from the arrangement as I did.

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