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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There is absolutley no fucking way I am being unreasonable but could I have done more?

44 replies

Kayano · 18/05/2012 23:14

My bridesmaid (dh relative) was 16 at the time and is 19 now.

she posts semi clad pictures of herself all over facebook and makes awful jokes and had really gone off the rails since we saw her last. I tried to speak to her then but she didnt want to know and said I was having a go at her. I wasn't, but was concerned about her.

She said she was going to try for a baby with her brand new boyfriend who had already deleted male friends from her facebook and we were all worried about this. He seemed quite controlling.

I've stayed her friend on fb despite her deleting dh and all his family just in case she ever needed to talk or posted that she was in trouble (she lives about 6 hours from us one way)

However today she had actually made me sick. I got in, checked Facebook and she was talking about her new boyfriend and how he was gorgeous but dressed like a 'nigger.'

I was so shocked I was going to say something to DH and ask what I should do (if i unfriended her or had a go then she would have lost all connection to her family in this area so I just wanted to get his perspective)

but then as i was waiting for DH she updated her status to this:

AHAHAHAH!!! fucking crease up...xxnamexx...Just text me saying 'forget about getting married, why dont we just rape eachother!' ahahahahahaaaaaa..... ♥

Well... sod waiting for DH and keeping a connection to her. Her and the person involved were commenting 'lol' and 'still fucking creased' etc

I replied:

That's disgusting. There is nothing remotely funny about rape. You both need to grow the fuck up.

I've blocked her. DH isn't happy as I was the only one who could find out where she was and what was going on with her. My though

she makes me sick now but at the same time I am sad as she was my bridesmaid but she has changed sooo much! She isn't a kid anymore she is 19 but acts like a silly little girl. She is so ignorant it is breathtaking

OP posts:
Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 10:48

I felt I had to post something before I did it just to maybe snap her out of it or at least make her think.

What if someone she knows had been raped? I think if I hadn't said anything I would have ended up here in a few days going 'I wish I had said something.'

It's all a big mess Sad

DH is fine with it after I explained what had been written.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 19/05/2012 11:12

She was your bridesmaid three years ago, you only see her once a year, and you are related to her through her step granddad...I really cant see her caring that you have blocked her tbh.

Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 11:46

I know she won't care that I have blocked her but I care. He has been in her life since she was a kid and she lived with them so it's not like he was a distant relative. He might as well have been her granddad and he helped bring her up

It's just sad Sad

OP posts:
pictish · 19/05/2012 11:48

She sounds immature, which I would expect from a 19 yr old.

valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 11:57

She sounds immature, which is to be expected as she is 19, some people are at that age. Tbh I think you are more U as I think you should've phoned her or spoken to her face to face - now she probably just thinks you are over reacting, you probably would've got through to her much better if you had had a quiet chat.

I think the other thing to remember is that people can post just about whatever they like on FB because it's their profile page, going around blocking your bridesmaids is behaving as immaturely as she is imo.

valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 11:57

Just wanted to clarify that what she said was bang out of order but hopefully she'll learn that herself in time.

Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 12:07

I don't have her number anymore and can't do a twelve hour drive to tell her off though. Fb was all that was left. She had her phone taken off her before 18 and we've never had her new number.

I feel awful and she probably doesn't care. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 12:09

So I'm supposed to stay friends with someone who jokes about rape and uses the N word because she was my bridesmaid three years ago? Nearly 4?

I haven't blocked her over some petty wedding argument, these are quite serious and offensive postings whatever her age

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 12:10

Did you PM her on FB or just comment on what she had said?

Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 12:12

I've pm'd her before but she never ever responded so I just put it on the rape comment. I thought what if someone she knows was raped? They need to know that most people think that type of posting is not on and she needed to be shocked.

I figured it would make her delete the post at the very least

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 12:16

I think it's this sort of FB situation that makes people into complete natters - seriously the whole thing should be banned. She was wrong and out of order but you have burned all bridges now by reacting like you have.

Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 12:19

I see it as she burned all her bridges and I'm sad about it.

I don't even think Facebook is the work of the devil, I just think people are disappointing. If my daughter behaved like that at 19 I would e mortified

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 12:20

But hopefully you wouldn't just tell her off and block her? Wink

Buckingfiatch · 19/05/2012 12:21

The fact you initially kept purposely in touch with her, says to me that you are in fear that she is spiralling out of control, and getting involved with the wrong people. The fact she is coming out with statements like those, tells me that this is in fact the case, and whether 19 or 29, people make mistakes, end up in a right sorry mess eg abusive relationships.

Personally, I think you was a bit quick blocking her. If it was me, I would of just hidden her posts and just drop her a message once a month asking if she is ok etc.

I do agree, they was sick. But no one just turns vile, it is the influence of those around her I would bet. Especially this boyfriend of hers.

LetsGetItOn · 19/05/2012 12:36

i wouldnt have been shocked in the slightest, just thought what a silly immature little girl and then flicked over to the next page

meh

cant be doing with getting huffy with other peoples opinions, you cant police everyone's thoughts as much as some would like to

Original poster
Kayano · 19/05/2012 12:38

This wasn't the only incident but it was the final one iyswim. It's been going on for over 2 years.

Maybe I shouldn't have blocked her completely but it upsets me so much. I feel terrible now Sad

OP posts:
Nagoo · 19/05/2012 12:44

I just typed a post sayting you should unblock her and just hide her in case she needs you.

But if I were you I wouldn't take that advice. You are both adults now, and she is responsible for herself. I have very little time for a person who would post that kind of stuff.

She can still find your DH and other family members if she wants to rebuild the relationship. It's not all down to you.

TheHappyHissy · 19/05/2012 13:21

You can unblock. YWNBU, exasperating isn't it.

valiumredhead · 19/05/2012 13:38

This is what I mean about FB being the cause of a lot of rifts - without FB she would've just been texting her mate and using offensive language and generally being an idiot but as it is there in print for you to see, you can suddenly see what immature twats some people can be.

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