Asking for help from Granny?

[RabbitsMakeBrownEggs]

Right, I am a pain in the arse when it comes to health, I know this. I try very hard to ask for minimal help so that when I really do need it I have it. I have two chronic physical health problems (arthritis and kidney disease) and two chronic mental health problems. I am a single mum to two lovely children.

This week I have spread the load, so to speak, as I have been stuck in the first half of the week with sick DD (fever, sleeping, vomiting) and then I have been feeling ten times worse than usual since Wednesday myself. DS has been picked up by his dad, my ex, all week as I was unable to get up to the school at all. I paid for extra care a couple of days to suit his uni hours, and to drop my DD off in the latter part of the week once. Can't afford to do it often, so it's limited even when I am ill (which will hopefully change when DLA is sorted and social services get my care package in place). My mum took my DS out on Wed, she finished work early, it was her choice to take him out as I only asked for her to drop him off at his dad's house. It was roughly twenty minutes of care, which I am very grateful for. My best friend also came round on Wed night to feed me and help with DD to give me a rest as I was starting to feel very rough.

Today I had no choice but to do the school run, I slept all day and took meds so that they would be effective while I was out. Have not eaten or drank much at all for two days due to sore throat. I got to the school and nearly passed out. Stupid of me, thought the fresh air might help, but the walk was too much. Ended up in a taxi to the medical centre, diagnosed with tonsillitis. Another taxi to Burger King as am unfit to cook, and the shop over the way does pet food, my rabbits haven't had proper food the past few days and it was important.

I called my mum with an SOS, asking for any help at all over the weekend as I am really going to struggle with my DD who is three and a real handful at the best of times. She's basically said no as she "did the gardening last weekend and needs a rest".

I am probably being unreasonable feeling a bit hurt that when I am this ill she says no, but what can you do? I have already put upon everyone this week and your mum is always supposed to be there for you, AIBU to wish she'd be more "there" sometimes?

I've written this out now and I think I am being UR, please be gentle. I just don't know what I can do sometimes, I already ask for so much from people, I feel like such a burden.

I have had my initial assessment and we've filled out the financial contribution paperwork, while I am not getting DLA apparently that will be nothing. She's calling next week and I've to think about how many hours help I need in the meantime and what might help. She's also referring me to a centre for independent living. Can think of loads of things that would help but not sure what is covered. Next visit she's going through some disabled parenting paperwork.

Children's service are not getting involved as I had a CAF at the school,but they closed that and obviously my health still has implications for their care.

Just write it all down and give it to the SW. You won't know unless you ask. Although more obscure things could be covered through the direct payment scheme so it would be worth considering that as its more flexible.

"Can think of loads of things that would help but not sure what is covered"

Planning is or should be needs led, so as Rabbits says, write down your difficulties and what you need.

Keep a diary, so the main things are catered for. Explain your needs change and want they can be.

Direct Payments are not the only source of funding, you can be set a personal budget that can be used.

Your DD's needs are seperate and can be catered for under another system.

She can be put under a Common Assessment Framework (CAF) and a plan for her can be drawn up, such as transport to nursery/school, that means that your budget isn't impacted on by what your DD needs,which is seperate and her entitlement under ECM.

The two systems were set up to support families that need the assisstance, especially because you don't have a lot of family help, don't allow anyone to tell you that you shouldn't be getting all of the help that you need.

Just had a very tearful call with my mum, I woke up this morning feeling worse again with a headache that was literally knocking me to my knees. I remember DD waking me a couple of times in the night and just being too weak, tired and in pain with my head to even get up with her, fortunately she settled herself back to bed and slept until after nine this morning. I stuck my head under a hot shower as I think it's either a tension headache or sinuses, and it still wasn't improving so I called mum and we sort of fell out as I was being very short with DD (who was kicking me, opening the curtains which hurt my head, and then kicking the rabbit cage when I told her off) and we ended the call quite upset with each other.

She called back after 30mins and we're better again, I'm on my feet at least and fed the child, she's said she'll come in after work tomorrow, and if I need anything to send her a list and my log on details for online shopping and she'll sort a delivery for me, and pay if I need it. She's worried about me, and she feels very under pressure to care for everyone and can't stretch herself. I do expect to be rescued quite often and this is why I am setting up the DLA and home care, so that my mum can just be my mum again, and she doesn't get herself ill trying to look after my stepdad and me and my sister and all her patients at work.

Headache is subsiding a little bit now, mum thought it might be dehydration and I have drank a couple of pints of juice, and I am in clean clothing, after a shower. A bit of a fever coming on again, but throat is far better. Just about to attempt a bath and clothes for my DD, who is getting the rough end of the stick at the moment. I love her to pieces and I really don't mean to be so short with her for normal three year old behaviour. I miss my son, he's back tonight too. I have barely seen him this week, less than an hour's contact.

Going to attempt to catch a bus later on (stop right outside my house, shop right outside bus stop in town) and grab some ready meals for DD today so she can have some hot food, she's been surviving on crackers and porridge etc. And will write a list for mum to get so I can do a week at home and cope.

Thanks for the advice regarding social services, when my head is well enough to take it in I'll go back over it and maybe message a couple of questions if that is okay?

Feel free to PM me.

I would make a game of letting your DD have 'parties' with her dolls/toys, and let her have crackers and cheese, grapes etc, if that is all that you can manage.

Hot meals don't matter as long as her nutrition is being met.

Make what you can fun, that is all that your DD needs. Sitting her infront of the television won't hurt her, don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

YES! Social worker has recommended 22 hours a week, and that is just a minimal offer until it gets reviewed and tweaked. That is nearly £230 of direct payment to improve my care.

Is this the elephant in the room? What about the childrens' father?

Yay, fantastic news. That should make a huge difference

My DS's father has his son quite often and helps where he can, but he has three kids, and I have a DD and she is not supported at all, I've raised her on my own since I fell pregnant. Plus this is support for me, not the children, okay some of it is to help me do what I need to for my kids, especially with taking them out and about, which is what 4 hours per week is budgeted for, but it is also to assist me to access leisure activities on my own, and to cook and clean and do washing.