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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get married at Gretna Green

18 replies

theinets · 18/05/2012 17:49

..without any family or friends present. Nothing sinister, just me and OH do not like fuss and really want to be married but also don't want the expense. We could spend a bit on a wedding if we wanted, we're not terribly badly off at all, but i have been to so many weddings where even though people have said " we're keeping it low key", it always ends up a circus.

£300 should see us both married. We are happy in ourselves about this.....mostly. I actually feel it is quite romantic. But i have nagging doubts that we are being rude and disrespectful to our lovely family and friends by "running away" like this.

Am i being unreasonable on my friends and family? People keep dropping hints about us tying the knot....what will they think?!

OP posts:

HecateTrivia · 18/05/2012 17:51

They'd probably be very hurt.

But it's up to you, if you want to 'run away' and do it - then do it. They'll get over it.

However, I'd do something else.

I'd arrange my wedding and only tell people once it was all arranged. They then have no say in it. It's all done.

Not that they have a 'say' anyway.

Debeez · 18/05/2012 17:52

YANBU. Your and DP's day. No one else will be sitting a year to the day thinking "ah one year ago today". You and DP will be, make sure you have your day how you both want.

Congratulations :o

QuintessentialShadows · 18/05/2012 17:52

You dont "owe" them a wedding.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2012 17:53

Doesn't Gretna Green have a humongous waiting list?

TrinityIsAFuckingRhino · 18/05/2012 17:53

If you don't want the fuss then thats all fine and dandy and I'm sure your family would get over it or not mind

BUT don't do it at gretna green

its famous for tacky and 'young bride runaway'

dylsmimi · 18/05/2012 17:57

Could you get married away (gretna or wherever) and then have an informal party for family & friends when you return so that way you have just the ceremony as you want but everyone can still celebrate with you?
Have been to a wedding at gretna in the old forge it was nice and not tacky but we did see 2 other brides in big white dresses so bear that in mind
And congratulations!

Elfontheedge · 18/05/2012 17:58

My friends are getting married at Gretna in November. They are just having their parents and siblings. I think it's a great idea!

suzikettles · 18/05/2012 18:03

If I hadn't had the whole circus, I'd do it the way friend's of a friend did.

They invited both sets of parents out for lunch to a place that just happened to be around the corner from the registry office. The table was actually booked for half an hour after they'd told them to arrive, so once everyone was there they said "actually, we're getting married", they all trooped over to the wedding and then had a lovely meal to celebrate.

TremoloGreen · 18/05/2012 18:08

Do what you want, marriage is about marriage, the wedding is only one day, and if you don't want a big wedding then you don't have to have one.

Me and DP are getting married later this year, we were planning a road trip around the USA anyway. It was meant to be a last big holiday before we have a baby. Now we're getting married along the way in a quiet spot with two friends who live locally as witnesses. My family aren't hurt - I told them when we first decided it and they understand our reasons. His family seem fine with it, frankly they're both just relieved that we're actually getting married (religious reasons).

We'll probably have a party/ country day out with a nice lunch for both families the next spring to celebrate so everyone feels they've had a 'day' and a chance to celebrate and for the two clans to meet. But it will be low key, no walking down the aisle with everyone staring at us, no religious vows, no pressure. Could you do something similar?

Vinomcstephens · 18/05/2012 18:10

The way I'm feeling right now, with 5 bloomin' weddings to attend in the next few months with all the insane expense they involve, I'd stand up and applaud your decision to elope! Seriously, I doubt very much anyone's going to be "hurt" by your decision, your wedding day is about you so do it as you want and don't worry about oversensitivity on anyone else's part!

Original poster

theinets · 18/05/2012 18:16

i just know the moment i announce it, things will start getting out of hand. My father recently remarried and it went from being a low key no fuss event into 100 people, morning dress, church aisle, the works!
many people say they want low key but few seem to do it. i suppose i hold my family dear so this is why i feel guilty about running away but it is what we both want.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2012 19:12

A friend got married at Gretna Green with close family and a couple of friends. 20 people tops.
They had the most wonderful day (even his mum said so and she was initially a bit about it).
I saw the photos and they looked so happy walking to the ceremony.
So what I'm saying is, go if it's what you want, but could you include parents?

MadamTwoSwords · 18/05/2012 19:17

I got married at Gretna and it most definateky wasn't tacky.

We did it because DH has a large family and just his cousins and their families would have filled the registry office.
Didn't want a church and couldn't afford a big fancy place do it was perfect. 20 of us on the day and a big party a few days later.

KenNEddieKennedy · 18/05/2012 19:21

I got married at Gretna and it definitely was tacky. This was before the wonderful WWW where you can see actual pictures.

SO not me, dahling.

Laineyloulou · 18/05/2012 19:52

I got married at Gretna Hall and it was NOT tacky. We had a really relaxed and fun day. Plus I felt like a superstar getting my photo taken by a coach load of American tourists..

Do it!

MyDaydream · 18/05/2012 20:04

YANBU it's your wedding you can do whatever you want with it. I'm sure some people will be a bit sad they missed it, but really it's all about the two of you, not everyone else.
Have you ever been though? Maybe it'd be worth visiting before you planned the wedding. I know a couple who got married there who really enjoyed the day, but another couple who planned on doing it and changed their minds after visiting because it wasn't their style and went and did a similarly low key event somewhere they felt more comfortable.

TrinityIsAFuckingRhino · 20/05/2012 10:05

I didn't mean to offend anyone

And you have to remember that Gretna hall is not Gretna green.

Gretna hall is lovely

DrunkenDoxy · 20/05/2012 10:08

I did it, eloped to new york. Make sure that your parents wont be hurt - my mum was devastated and although we had a wonderfully intimate day it took me a while to be able to look at my wedding photos. BUT every time we go to a wedding, we turn to eachother and agree that we did avoid a hell of a lot of stress and hassle and we have no regrets.

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