To want to help but not feel able

[Crazyfatmamma]

I have a close friend with a 17month old daughter and a 5 year old son. They are both very similar in age to my children however her DD has appeared quite behind in all developmental areas, including mobility, speech and social Intereaction, she didn't sit up till she was over 10 months, crawl till over one and has now at 17 months took her first very tentative steps.
I appreciate that all children develop differently and she may just about be within the normal ranges but her speech is also very minimal she says no recognisable words even mum or dad and her mannerisms can be very peculiar ,she is also very small for her age.
During her 10 month review the health vistor flagged up a potentional developmental issue and suggested that my friend go back for a further review in a few months.
My friend announced a few months ago that she has forgotten the review but it's no bother as her DD is fine and she has no concerns.
She has recently made me aware of two follow up letters that has been sent out to her informing her DD is under development surveillance and needs to be seen.
She told me that she still hasn't gotten around to informing the health visitors that she believes her DD is fine and no further assessment is needed.
I tried to advise her she had nothing to lose if she goes but shes insistent that she doesnt need to, despite her child showing potential signs of developmental delay.
I feel she is concerned about her DD as she continually comments and compares her with other children of the same age. But doesn't seem to want to face up to things. I just think that even if there is a slight chance that her child has a delay then it is best to get help sooner and the fact that she isn't taking professional advice may not do her or her DD any favours.
Is there anything I can do?

I think all you can do is continue to do what you are doing i.e. encourage her to have her child assessed. I suppose if you could persuade her in a kind of 'all children need to be assessed' way (as you are doing) that will probably work best as it is possible that she is in some denial or fear of discovering something is wrong and we can all understand her position. Nonetheless it is crucial to find these things out while there's a good amount of time to correct or improve the child's well being. Keep trying - you're doing the right thing.

Sounds like you're doing great. Gentle encouragement and kind words, you can't physically make her go, so you're doing all you can.

She may be in denial or be worried that she's failing/failed. Woman in my street left it till her daughter was ten for assessment, daughter's speech was limited and behavior was very challenging. Her other son was 3 when they tested daughter. They tested him too as he also showed signs of delay. Turns out son was almost completely deaf and daughter very hard of hearing. No wonder the daughter had been getting frustrated.

I know this is an extreme example and everything may well be fine as your friend says. Either way by being there for her and having her child's interests at heart too you can't do wrong.

It is very difficult to tell someone that you think there may be a problem with their child. As other peole have said contnue encouraging her to have her child assessed. If her daughter is the same age as one of yours, is there any way you could suggest going to have them weighed together or something, at least then the hv will get to see the child.