To think people should ask permission before they show others your scan photos?

[JungAndEasilyFreudened]

I have tokophobia which is making my pregnancy quite hard for me and my partner. As I hate talking about it or thinking about what is to come I try to take one day at a time. DH is very supportive.

As none of this is fair on him and I felt he was really missing out on this time to bond with baby I booked a 4d scan so he could have some proper photos.

Scan was not pleasant for me and I didn't watch screen. (Of course pleased to know everything is ok though).

We agreed to only show grandparents the photos as I can't look at them myself yet.

PIL asked for a copy to keep. Fine. I then got a message from them saying 'hope you don't mind but we've been showing EVERYONE the photo'. I am pleased they are excited and proud but feel utterly sick that people I don't even know have had a good look at my baby when I'm struggling to do so myself. It wouldn't occur to me to show something private without asking permission first. AIBU?

I can understand why you feel as you do but actually, you can't really control what people do with pictures you have given them unless you made it clear, at the time they were handed over, that they are for private viewing only. At least your scan pics aren't all over Facebook. So I'm sorry but YABU.

Just a little U to expect excited grandparents to keep something so wonderful to themselves. I imagine they are unaware of how much you are struggling and haven't grasped the scan as 'private but more like showing pics of an already much loved dgc.
Many congratulations on your pregnancy.

I really sympathise with your situation but tbh I think that a relative given a photo would presume you're happy for them to show to others. Eg my mum has been given a photo, and in doing that I am quite sure she is showing this to her friends etc

I'm not sure if your in laws know of your condition and specifically what helps and what doesn't? If they've had it explained to them fully, then maybe they're in the wrong. But otherwise I think they're just so thrilled and doing that most expectant grand parents would do. So if this is the case sorry to say YAB (with mitigating circumstances) U....
To help you, could you dp have a quiet word with them?

I think you should have told them you didn't want them showing it to people when you gave it to them.

YANBU not to want all and sundry viewing your scan photos.

BUT YABU as you should have stressed this before giving them the picture.

I think this is just one of many things you have to 'endure' with your tokophobia and pregnancy.

I think you need to try to forget your anger and upset because you are going to add alot of stress to yourself and build barriers with your family if you brew and stew about it. Focus on the fact they are delighted and doing what delighted grandparents do. In their eyes the fact you had gone to effort and cost of a 4D scan has probably enthralled them on several levels ( grandchild and wow look what technology is showing us). They could be a great help to you in future months/years. Let them have their little delighted moment.

You concentrate on you. Are you getting support/therapy for this condition?

I just can't perceive scan pic as that private a thing, so sorry but yabu. I guess you need to realise in future, to protect your own feelings, that you may feel very private about things that others see as open-to-all info.

I'm sorry to read you're struggling with all this.

Thanks for your replies.

I really am glad they are excited and think my baby is very lucky to have people around that care. I find it such an intrusion but realise my opinion is probably skewed because of how I view pregnancy and birth rather than their actions.

DH is shocked that they've done it without mentioning it beforehand and because we would never behave in this way it actually didnt occur to us to ask them not to show everyone else. We feel scan photos are very different to photos of the baby once they are here.

I think I am reacting this way because it was such a huge thing for me to do for DH and then to include them in. I just wish things could have stayed at a level I had prepared myself for. But I can understand why they want to show people.